Ep. 179: ANGER AND BUSINESS, LOSING YOUR COOL IN YOUR BEAUTY BIZ ISN’T USEFUL
In most situations, anger is not a useful emotion.
We all get mad, okay? Even me! Even when I'm all nice on here with my little princess voice and my pink and my glitter - I get mad. And I'm not saying it's bad to get mad - but what you do with that anger really matters.
A lot of the time we let it grow into something big and destructive. And that's not useful, especially in business. So for this episode, I want to have an honest talk about anger, the importance of becoming more in-tune with yourself, and managing your emotions.
Let's get into it!
Here are the episode highlights:
‣‣ [03:03] What is the most important relationship that you'll have in business?
‣‣ [04:13] There are things in your business that are going to tick you off. It's pretty much unavoidable.
‣‣ [07:30] Why do I think outrage in business is a useless emotion?
‣‣ [09:23] Who do you want to be in business? What are your defining characteristics?
‣‣ [10:01] These are common traits that I've observed in the people that I admire.
‣‣ [10:50] There are two ways that you can look at the things that anger you.
‣‣ [13:33] At the root of destructive behavior is hurt and a need for affirmation. How can we refocus our energy on something productive instead of destructive?
GET IN TUNE WITH YOURSELF! (Listen Here)
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You can enjoy a transcript of the podcast here.
Sheila Bella:
I have a theory that outrage and anger in most situations is not a useful emotion, it's kind of a waste. It doesn't mean you won't feel it, but it's kind of a waste, especially in business. If you lose your cool, you are losing, you're losing. If you're triggered, it's because you allowed something to trigger you and to dictate your emotional state. Let's dive into it. Welcome to Pretty Rich Podcast.
Welcome to Pretty Rich Podcast, where you're totally the heroine of your own story. I'm your host, Sheila Bella, and I built a seven-figure PMU beauty biz and a seven-figure online biz without a degree, without a fancy website or a sugar daddy. If you and I hang out on here long enough, you're going to start to believe that you can do it too. How about that for a side effect of listening to this podcast? Because you really can. I know you think I don't know you, I have no idea who you are, but I do. I really, really do, because I am you, I was you, and I believe we are all on the same journey together.
My perfect job didn't exist, so I created it. The job I wanted wasn't hiring me, wanted nothing to do with me, so I skipped the line and hired myself as CEO, just like you can. Consider me your secret beauty biz BFF, in case you need to be reminded on a weekly basis that power is never just handed to you, you have to take it. Are you ready, beauty boss? Let's jump in.
What's up, friends. Welcome to another awesome episode of Pretty Rich Podcast, the place for beauty entrepreneurs who want to make more money in their businesses. Whether you have a brick-and-mortar salon or studio or an online business in the beauty industry, this is the place for you.
Okay, so I know I'm nice on here and I have this itty-bitty princess voice, but I get mad, okay? If you're in business, you're going to get mad. It's just a part of it. Things are going to tick you off and then you're going to use language the way I use language when I'm upset. Okay, but I'm here to share with you guys and open up to you about all of the things I've learned in business and how to manage your emotions, how I've learned to manage my emotions in business.
What do I always tell you guys? I always tell you guys that running a business, being successful in business, is an education ultimately in relationships. The number one relationship you must learn how to master is the relationship you have with yourself, and your emotions, and your past, and your future, and your baggage and everything. Be prepared to go through the full gamut of emotions, happiness, despair, joy, but the one I want to talk about today is anger. We talk about fear a lot, but I feel like we don't talk about anger enough, okay?
Listen, we're trying to do big things. We're all boss women here, we're trying to do big things in this world, and there's going to be things on that pursuit that's going to make you very angry. I know I come on here with my tiny little princess voice, but when things poop on my week, it makes me want to poop back. That sounded funny. Well, you guys know what I mean.
If you are in business, you are going to get ticked off. It could be the demanding customer that is requesting a refund in a not so kind way that they clearly don't deserve. It could be an entitled team member acting like they're God's gift to everybody and to you, even though in reality they're actually making everybody miserable. Unfortunately, when you open up your business to the world, you will encounter passionate people. Remember this, no matter how passionate people are, it doesn't replace facts. It doesn't replace results, it doesn't replace common sense, and it sure as hell doesn't replace knowledge. Just because someone says something more passionately, angry, passionate people in the world, it doesn't mean that they're right, it doesn't mean that they're smarter. That makes me mad.
Another thing that I get mad at is tech. I get mad at technology, I get mad at my computer. When my tech isn't working properly, I want to chuck my chanclas at the computer.
I know this episode is just getting to the good part, but hold on a second, I wanted to stop and ask you if you ever feel like a brow or lash robot? Are you constantly grinding, but you're never ever free, like you're the slave girl to your own business? Listen, you and I both know that the reason why you got into the beauty business to begin with is so that you can beat our own boss, but if you're slaving away as a solopreneur, you're basically a slave to clients. Maybe you know that you need to scale, maybe you know you need to grow and expand, but you just don't know where to begin.
The three things that every business owner needs in order to grow are strategy, systems, and support. You can't grow without all three, strategy, systems and support. Enter Pretty Rich Bosses, my one-on-one coaching program that helps beauty entrepreneurs just like you scale their businesses. If you feel like a factory worker, brows, lash, brows, lash, brows, lash, and you know you're just surviving but not really living, I can help get you there with just a little bit of guidance.
We are offering complimentary 60-minute strategy calls. All you need to do is go to sheilabella.com/apply. That's sheilabella.com/apply. Do something the others aren't doing, invest in yourself, invest in your business, stop asking for advice from people who haven't done it themselves. Super easy, type in your information and someone from my team will get back to you and set up that free call right away. Mentorship is the closest thing to a shortcut. You can't Google your way to success. You could, but it's going to take a while. Take a leap of faith, go to sheilabella.com/apply.
The longer I'm in business, the longer I realize that outrage is not a very useful emotion. It could be motivating if your outrage is with yourself. I'm outraged at myself, that can be useful, what lesson can I learn from this experience? But when it's at others, when it's blaming others, I think we can do something better with our time. Because if you're losing your cool, you're losing. If you were triggered by something, it's because you allowed that external factor to dictate your emotional state. Everyone knows, in business, you have to use your head because the heart is the most deceitful above all things. That biblical nugget holds up in the world, okay?
In this podcast episode, I'm going to try my best to cram 11 years of business building into a few minutes. I have been hardened. Everything used to make me cry, everything used to be such a big deal, everything was the end of the world. I've always wanted to be more unaffected, because even though I used to be a wet blanket, even in my wet, moist blankety state, sopping, I still knew, in my puddle of tears, that this was not that big of a deal. I still knew it.
When it comes to the big picture, the big picture of my life and everything, even in the big picture of my business, this was really just a tiny rock in my shoe. I had to lean into the woman that I wanted to be. That woman was characterized by grit, discipline, competence, self-reliance and empathy. I've always wanted to be strong and peaceful, and constantly being outraged was not a part of the identity I wanted to embody. It still isn't. It all starts with deciding, first, who do you want to be?
I've observed that everyone I admired were individuals that were resolved, peaceful, had self-discipline and self-control. More than that, they were grounded in their lives and what really mattered. I think that's why I'm less emotionally affected by circumstances. The Bible says, "Good sense makes one slow to anger and it's his glory to overlook an offense," that's Proverbs 19:11. Ecclesiastes 7:21 through 22 says, "Do not take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear yourself servant cursing you."
I was meditating on those two pieces of scripture all weekend, because there's really two ways you can look at people who do mean things. One, you can say, "That's about me. It's about me, me, me, me, me, me, me. All that poop she's spewing out is for me." Second, you can look at it, it's usually the way it is, it's about them. It's about their pain, it's about them, their insecurities, and you can lean into empathy for them, which is more useful.
Do you want more clients? Do you want more customers or students for your training? Do you want to build a profitable online beauty business that teaches other people how to do what you do? I know you know that I'm the host of this program, but what you may not know is that I've built two multiple seven-figure beauty businesses, one, a permanent makeup studio, and the other, a profitable online business, and both of them make six figures a month. I'm on a mission to help every woman I meet do the same thing.
My mentorship program, Pretty Rich Bosses, is pretty incredible. It's my online mentorship program where it's one-on-one and it's also group. It's something that I've built to help beauty entrepreneurs just like you find their way to success so that they can meet their highest potential. If you're wondering if this is going to work for you, you're wondering, is this a scam, don't just take it from me. Listen to these incredible testimonials from real students currently in the program.
PRB Student #1:
I was able to quit my corporate job and I quadrupled my income since then.
PRB Student #2:
Pretty Rich Bosses has taught me how to make more money than I've ever dreamed of, in the middle of a pandemic.
PRB Student #3:
I went from homelessness to $88,000.
PRB Student #4:
I was able to sell enough courses in two weeks to make my full six-month program investment back.
PRB Student #5:
Because of Sheila, in my first few weeks, I closed five clients in my coaching program, and I'm not even in microblading.
PRB Student #6:
The honest sales strategies have led to the most bookings I have ever had.
PRB Student #7:
I've got to tell you, last week I made 5K working from home and not even launching my freaking full courses yet.
Sheila Bella:
If you're ready for transformations just like these, go to sheilabella.com/apply and let's set up a complimentary strategy call to see if Pretty Rich Bosses can help you get the results you know you deserve too. Again, go to sheilabella.com/apply.
If you feel hurt, okay, let's take you, if you feel hurt, if you're feeling like you're losing, if you're feeling like things are not going your way, they're not going my way, most people say, "Just eff it all, forget it. Let's tear it all down, let's burn it." Destructive behavior of self and just destruction of structure, destruction of structure, it gives you a false sense of control.
Let's think about what drives people to want to tear things down. When people feel cornered, when they're hurting, the only way they can affirm themselves is to destroy. When you're going through hardship, it's much more useful to look inward, much more useful to look inward even if it's not your fault, even if it's not your fault. I challenged that too. We, we, as leaders, we had something to do with it, something slipped through the cracks.
You should rather focus your attention and energy into improving yourself, because otherwise, you waste the experience. It won't help you. That's how you create success out of setbacks. Blaming others doesn't help you get better, and neither does being angry. Being angry doesn't help your health, it doesn't help you sleep. When you see other people doing hurtful things, it holds up, hurt people, hurt people. The older I get, the more I see a pattern in the evolved individuals that I put on a pedestal in my head. I want to be like that, I want to be evolved. I want to be not just evolved, but resolved. Resolved, I think that's the word. Resolved people choose to let go, resolved people know who they are. They forgive quickly, they lean into empathy and they're happier and more at peace because of it. That's my aim, that's who I want to be. You decide who you want to be and you aim for it. That is the example I want to set for my children. This, the feeling of empathy, is what I would want my children to feel before they feel anger.
Something happened on social media a couple of weeks ago. Anyway, there was outrage. People said I wasn't angry enough. I don't have to be angry at everything, I don't have to be. That is also not how I've found success and peace in my heart. I have decided to make a conscious effort to humanize everything and every one, humanize them first and have conversations with people, not make assumptions, and lean into compassion for that person and know that that ugliness must have come from a place of pain. Not excusing it, but leaning into that first.
Anyway, what are your thoughts on this episode? I want to know. Text me, text me your thoughts on this episode, because if you have an alternative view or a perspective that I may not have spoken of, I'd like to know your thoughts. My phone number is 310-388-4588, 310-388-4588. You can text me, that's the number that goes on my phone. I am just so curious, because I don't want this podcast to be a one-sided conversation. You know how that's so important to me, that I'm not just talking at you guys. I want to know, did this resonate with you? Did you have any takeaways from it? Do you have any opposing views from it? Let me know, 310-388-4588. Until next time.
Hey, thanks so much for listening to today's episode of Pretty Rich Podcast. If you want to continue the conversation longer, check me out on Instagram, it's my favorite place to connect with you guys, @realsheilabella. I'm happy to answer any of your questions or simply to chat and get to know you better. If you end up doing something super awesome, like screenshotting this episode and reposting it on your stories, that would put the biggest smile on my face. Don't forget to tag me. I appreciate every share and love feedback from my listeners. Also, do you have my number? Do you have my number? Because if we're going to keep hanging out, you should probably have my number so you can actually text me. That's right, you can text me at 310-388-4588.
If you're sick and tired of doing business alone, and you're interested in accelerating your success by hiring a business coach or joining our mentorship program called Pretty Rich Bosses, go ahead and just apply. Why not? Check it out, go to sheilabella.com/apply and we'll schedule a free strategy session with either myself or one of my advisors.
Of course, I've got to include my kids. Here to send us off are Beau and Grey. Grey, say, "Share with your friends."
Grey:
Share with friends.
Sheila Bella:
"Please review my mommy on iTunes."
Grey:
Mommy, iTunes.
Sheila Bella:
"Thanks for listening."
Grey:
Thanks for listening.
Sheila Bella:
Hey, Beau, can you tell everybody what our family motto is?
Beau:
Yeah, I can do hard things.
Sheila Bella:
I can do hard things. Good job, buddy.
