Ep. 64: Q&A Friday With Sheila Bella And Anthea Talking About Toxic Friendships, Partnerships, PMU Content Creation, Beauty Business Marketing, And So Much More!
"And like you said, I love it, you don't have to send them snail mail."
"No."
"Dear so and so..."
"You don't have to send a stork over, drop off..."
"Now you moved to a stork."
If you've heard any of my podcasts with Anthea before, you know it can be a real mixed bag of an episode. It's a wild card! You never know what you're gonna get! And it's fun.
Anthea is a great friend of mine. She's hilarious, gorgeous, a great actor, and just an all-around inspiration. Whenever we get together to do a podcast I know it's going to be a great time! In this episode, Anthea and I do a Q&A. We talk about a wide variety of things from toxic friendships and relationships to content creation. I know you'll enjoy this one!
Here are the episode highlights:
‣‣ [06:43] Have you ever decided to cut people out of your life who were negative?
‣‣ [10:20] How do you deal with negative/poor work ethic?
‣‣ [13:28] How do you come up with content?
‣‣ [17:04] What it's like having a platform where people are looking up to you for advice and guidance.
‣‣ [22:35] What are some warning signs of a bad friend?
I NEED TO LISTEN TO THIS BFF Q&A RIGHT NOW! (Listen Here)
I love getting to talk with Anthea and I'm sure that you want more of her too! You can keep up with her on Instagram right here!
You can follow me, Sheila Bella, on Instagram @realsheilabella!
Here are the links that were mentioned in the podcast!
Grow Your Gram
Online Course Workshop
FOR MY LISTENER BOSS BABES
You can enjoy this podcast by downloading it on iTunes here.
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You can enjoy a transcript of the podcast here.
Sheila Bella:
Welcome to the Pretty Rich Podcast where every woman is the heroine of her own story. I'm your host, Sheila Bella, and I built a million dollar PD business from nothing. So maybe if you listen enough, you'll start to believe that you can do it too. Because if the perfect job doesn't exist, well, you can create it. If the job you want isn't hiring you, you can unapologetically hire yourself. Each episode will equip you with empowering conversations on how to grow a lifestyle that's pretty rich in love, beauty, wellness, and financial wealth.
I'm Sheila Bella, beauty business coach, celebrity brow artist, global success speaker, author, serial entrepreneur, life, mother, friend, daughter, and your forever positive beauty biz sales guru. Let's go. Hey, have you ever been to a permanent makeup conference and thought, "Oh my gosh, I'm kind of falling asleep. Oh no!" Have you ever looked at the speakers up there and thought, "Wow, I wonder how they did it. How are they up there? How do they build such influence, and how do they build their businesses? How are they always booked out with students and clients for months and months?"
Ever wonder how she built that online course and thought, "I wish I could do that," or think, "Oh my goodness, how did she develop such amazing products and become profitable doing so? What are the steps I need to take in order to do the same?" Well, you can find out at the Pretty Ambitious Summit, March 13 through 15, 2020 in Santa Monica, California. Finally, the ultimate girl power live event for PMU boss babes like you, where the focus is on growing the business side of things, where you can learn PMU marketing, product development, and mindset strategies so you can finally break through whatever is holding you back. For some of you, it might be knowledge. But for others, it might be lack of confidence, or it might be both.
My whole mission with the Pretty Ambitious Summit is to create what I needed 10 years ago. I needed this event and here it is for you now, myself, all the incredible speakers and master coaches right by the legendary beaches of Los Angeles will surely transform you in this enlightening and educational business and mindset weekend. And it's a write-off. Hello? Free vacation, right? Free vacation with your PMU brow besties. And if you're coming alone, no problem, because this weekend was designed for you to meet your tribe. This is an opportunity for you to build your own table, the same way I did, the same way we all had to do in this industry. So quit trying to do it alone because beauty bossing is hard.
It's so hard, right? And it could be such a lonely road. We know that. You know that. And here you will find like-minded, ambitious and kind women who get it, who get you the way nobody else does in your own circle at home. They don't know. They don't do PMU. They're not trying to do big things, right? My friends in this industry have been so valuable to my growth and my business. And seriously, I want to meet you. I want to see you guys face-to-face. I want to hear your stories and get to know what you're all about. So if you crave inspiration, genuine connection, and you're ready to level up your personal and professional game, you need to be there. Tickets are selling out fast. VIP tickets are already sold out.
So you got to get them before they're all gone. If there is a small still voice inside of you telling you, "Yes, this is for me. I need this. I need to do something different," don't overthink this one because you deserve to be in that room. Invest in you. You deserve it, because your life and your business can only go as high as you grow as a woman. So go to prettyambitioussummit.com and I'll meet you at the top where ambitious women empower each other. Okay, Anthea, stop laughing. We're recording now. Be serious. This is a serious podcast. Okay?
Anthea:
Okay. I'm like take a deep breath.
Sheila Bella:
No laughing aloud on this podcast.
Anthea:
Lies. Lies. Oh my God.
Sheila Bella:
Oh my gosh. You look beautifuler and beautifuler every time I see you in person, on the Gram and on zoom right now.
Anthea:
Thank you. This is called closet filter.
Sheila Bella:
It is dark in there and her skin looks great. My skin does not and it's super bright here. Oh my gosh. Really though, I miss you.
Anthea:
I miss you too. I could just stare at you at this computer.
Sheila Bella:
You've been staring at me.
Anthea:
I know. I did. And you're like, "Why are you looking at me like that?" I was like, "Just staring."
Sheila Bella:
Right, because I'm so crazy. Okay. Let's get on with it. So you guys, if you ever heard episodes with Anthea and I, you know it could be anything. It could be anything. This is a wild card. Okay? So if you want like a structured episode, don't listen to this one. If you want wildcards, surprises, maybe like ninjas popping out with like purple hats or something like that, this is the episode to listen to.
Anthea:
Friendly ninjas with purple hats.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. Hopefully they look like Magic Mic. Okay.
Anthea:
Oh yes.
Sheila Bella:
Wow. This is our Q and A episode. Woo!
Anthea:
Yay!
Sheila Bella:
Okay. So our first question today is, have you ever decided to cut people out of your life who are negative?
Anthea:
Yes.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Anthea:
Yes, it's so fun. Oh my gosh. Yeah. You're like, what? I have so much more energy, so much more free time. I don't have baby mama drama. I don't even have to have a baby. Don't even have to be a mama. No more drama. Just yes. Yes and your life is better for it. You don't need them. You don't need that. You have your own issues to deal with from yourself, from your own like negative talk or your self-awareness. You do not need other energies to add onto that.
Sheila Bella:
I hear you, and I love that. It kind of is that easy. And here's the thing, cutting people out of your life doesn't necessarily mean you have to send them like a text message that says, "You are now cut off," or sending them an official letter that's been notarized that say, "You have been cut off." I mean, cutting someone out of your life, let's say it's somebody that you work with or somebody that you have to see often, I guess it's just learning not to let their shit, now we got to mark this explicit, hit you. You can just watch them in their bathe and their crap as kind of like Shrek when he takes like a bath in mud. You can watch them, but that is not yours to bathe in as well. Just don't participate.
Anthea:
Yeah, absolutely. Like you said, if it is a work situation or some situation that you have to work with them or for me like castmates or something and you're like, "You keep..." I'm such an optimistic person. If they just keep hitting you with that and you know you're going to see them the next day or you know you're going to come encounter with them, you set your boundaries already and you know what to expect. So you try to see the beauty in them, but not like... Here I go. To try to see the beauty in them and just understand that they're going through something, but it's not yours to solve and it's not yours to take in. You already set that boundary and kind of have the expectation for them.
And like you said, be like it's not yours. Just leave a space for them. Just be silent or just say, "Mm-hmm (affirmative)," and then walk away. Just leave that space for them.
Sheila Bella:
And I think that's probably difficult for people who genuinely care about these negative people in your life who are emotionally invested. Being able to walk away from that comes with the maturity of understanding that their burden is not yours to carry and that nothing you say sometimes will be able to fix anyone. You know what I mean? It's not one great speech. It's not one great text message that you formulated, and you asked your friends, "Is this a good thing to say to her?" It's not a great book recommendation or a podcast. People will change if they want to in their own time. That's what I believe.
Anthea:
Absolutely.
Sheila Bella:
Next one, poor work ethic. So negative and poor work ethic. I wonder what this could mean. This could probably mean like somebody that... Well, I know and you know this when you're trying to do big things, it's important to surround yourself with like-minded individuals because it will stunt your growth and your development.
Anthea:
Sometimes the people you're surrounded with or you have come across in your life that they are mirrors of yourself, and sometimes you get so angry and you don't want to cut them out because you see something in yourself in them. And so why is that person coming up? And that's why it kind of gives you anger.
Sheila Bella:
You're triggered. You're triggered.
Anthea:
You're triggered because you're like, ah, but then that's yourself standing in the mirror.
Sheila Bella:
Because you know what that is.
Anthea:
Yeah. Sometimes it's like a guilt. You're like, "You remind me of myself." So you are too scared to cut them out because it's like part of yourself ironically, but it's that detachment and deeper level that is kind of like what is in your energy field that is attracting that person and why does it piss you off?
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. Oh my God, so true. I think that's the evolved answer. I've felt sorry for people before who I was like really good friends with, but were super negative and yeah, had poor work ethic, but it was because I really understood them. And the reason why I understood them is because I related to their negativity of where I used to be. But being around that just kind of reinforced my own. Oddly enough, when that person was no longer in my life on the same level, I was able to run faster.
Anthea:
There you go. It's not your journey for them. You just have to let them go. And like you said, I love it, you don't have to send them like snail mail.
Sheila Bella:
No.
Anthea:
Dear so and so.
Sheila Bella:
You don't have to send a stork over, drop off a...
Anthea:
Now you moved to a stork.
Sheila Bella:
I don't know.
Anthea:
I love it though.
Sheila Bella:
We are so great.
Anthea:
But you don't have to do that. Just like you said, just put that boundary and say, "No, thank you." Just set your boundaries for yourself and what you want and the energy in your life. And you don't have to freaking do anything. What do they think of you is less important than what you think of yourself and how you grow yourself.
Sheila Bella:
I think that's the key. I think that comes with maturity is when once you come to that point where what you think of yourself is more important than what other people think. And I have to say like as confident, I'm doing air quotes, as I am, that's a never ending process. That still comes up for me, but a lot less. Great question. Next question is, let me see, how do you come up with content? How do you just come up with it? So if you look at Anthea's page, I love it actually. It's an acting page, but it's like really branded. How do you come up with content, Anthea?
Anthea:
Go for a run. And when I go for a run, creative stuff comes up and I just write it down. I write it down or things that I would like to see and I just kind of merge things that I love to do, which is act, sing, and positive stuff and things that I learned and I put it into a creative way with the best that I can. I just keep evolving. And I put my blinders on recently. I cut people.
Sheila Bella:
Ouch.
Anthea:
Speaking of which, I cut people out and things out that are not on their A game. What is it? Something that I learned recently was Jay said that the people that are the most at the top are more willing to give, just give, than the people that are on the second tier because they haven't reached the first tier. Thanks. Just go for a run and creative stuff comes out or go for a walk or meditate or watch a movie, talk with my husband, talk with my friends and those things come up. Like what do you want to see? You know?
Sheila Bella:
So our audience I'm sure is like, "Okay, well, I mean, so do I just post about everything that comes to me in meditation or during a workout?" Not everything obviously. However, I think if the goal here is impact, whether that's just creatively or if you want to uplevel your business or if you want to create connection, then it's important to share what's truly meaningful to you. And I think what you're saying, Anthea, is the way you access what's truly going on for you and what's going on for you at the time, what's meaningful to you at the time is during your workouts and during meditation or when you're running. For me, I do have a strategy. I merge the strategy with the meaning.
You know what I mean? So how I come up with content is, first of all, focusing on the woman that I want to serve. And when I get messages from you guys in my DMs and stuff like that or when you guys leave me comments, I understand who I'm trying to serve a lot more. And so my suggestion to you guys who are artists out there is to pay attention to who is following you. Pay attention to your community. And whether you like it or not, you are now a community leader, whatever field you're pursuing, even if it's just a family page. Okay? Like, I believe you have a voice. You have a platform. And for some of you might think like, "Oh, that's too much." I'm like, no, they're paying attention to you. You have a say. That's what I love about social media.
And how I come up with content is I just picture you, the listener, right now, one girl, and I try to meet her needs whatever way I can. And it's so much fun. And once you get that one hit, that one hit of feedback from somebody telling you, "Thank you so much for opening up, or thank you for posting that you've made my day. You've..." I mean, I've even gotten, "You changed my life," and it's really overwhelming. It's addicting.
Anthea:
It is.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, it is. It is. I just have a heart for service. I really do. That sounds so freaking cliche. Whatever, but I...
Anthea:
I don't care. Yes, I do. Yeah. The DMs that you get is like you're posting.... For me in my weight loss journey or just journey throughout especially this year and like overcoming stuff. Overcoming, there's quotation.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Anthea:
It's like my dear diary. My platform I use it for like a dear diary type of thing. It's kind of love for myself.
Sheila Bella:
It's like a mini blog, your Instagram.
Anthea:
Yeah, it is. It is.
Sheila Bella:
Mini blog, mini reality show.
Anthea:
Yes. Yes. Exactly. And I get messages. You're like, oh, that was just a picture and a quote that came to me today and I posted it.
Sheila Bella:
It hit you. It hit you.
Anthea:
And then people messaged me, you're like, "I needed to hear that today." A lot of actors deal with a lot of mental issues and comparison issues. Am I worthy? Am I doing that stuff? Things that just come up from me I just posted and it does. It saves lives. It changes lives because some people feel unseen, unknown. And if you just are really true to yourself and what you put out there, whatever it is, whatever platform, whatever you do, it can have an impact, because you are brave enough to share it, because it takes bravery to put your stuff and yourself out there without any kind of expectation to receive. But the ones that you do receive are like, "Wow. I just needed one, and you're one in the how many messages I get."
You know what I mean? And you're like, okay, I'll just keep showing up for myself today and that's what it is, right?
Sheila Bella:
Love it. Keep showing up for yourself. If you guys aren't following Anthea on Instagram, she is @OfficialAnthea. Link is in the show notes as it always is. But I just want to say that you're not necessarily preaching anything on your Gram or your Facebook. You're not teaching anything, but you're creating an impact just by telling your story or just by your example. And I think it's that simple. I think people feel like they need to know it all, or they need to show up perfectly. But you had a huge weight loss journey this year.
Anthea:
Yes.
Sheila Bella:
And a bunch of other things.
Anthea:
Yes.
Sheila Bella:
Sharing your struggles and just your struggles. And yeah, you're right. Overcome, right? Air quotations. It's inspiring. It's inspiring, because number one, you make people feel like they're not alone, and you does demonstrated a way out, which I think is so amazing. Okay. Yay!
Holy moly. You guys know I don't talk about anything that I'm not super passionate about and that I don't totally believe in. This next thing that I'm about to tell you about you need in your life if you're a permanent makeup artist, and that is PMU School. It's free. It's a free podcast. You can listen to every single day. That's five minutes long and is guaranteed to uplevel your PMU knowledge for free. What? There is so much misinformation out there and people train once, pay thousands of dollars, and in order to learn anything new, you have to pay again. So if you've been looking for something quick, easy, and not boring to listen to, this is it. PMU School is how you're going to get a daily micro dose of PMU education.
So you got to subscribe. It's a podcast for artists by experienced artists. So whether you're newly certified or an expert professional, you got to tune in to this free daily podcast and level up your PMU knowledge in less than five minutes a day. And it's presented by the American Academy of Micropigmentation Board of Permanent Makeup. PMU school will keep you posted and informed on your way to work every single day. Just type in PMU School on iTunes, Spotify, or Google Podcasts. And I'll see you there.
Last question. We only have time for one more. What are signs that someone isn't a good friend? I have a frenemy that has made me feel like shit, he says, about my decisions the past few days. And I'm realizing that looking back, she hasn't really stopped. I feel really stupid for having allowed it to go on for years. Go ahead because I can see the steam rising from your beautiful black hair. Go.
Anthea:
The person that I have described this the best is Vanessa Van Edwards for Frenemies. Have you listened to that one? The impact theory one that she did?
Sheila Bella:
Nope.
Anthea:
Oh my God. It was talking about toxic friendships versus ambivalent friendships and how the toxic ones are less like straining to you because you already know that this person is like, I am going to dodge them. They're like bad juju.
Sheila Bella:
You already know.
Anthea:
You already know. But then the ambivalent ones are like, should I go out with them? Should I not? Is this going to be fun? Are they going to like me? That takes out more of your energy because you actually probably reciting this same question. They invited me out. Should I go? And it just keeps on going over and over and over again. And so those ambivalent ones is the one that she says that are like draining. And the question she said to ask was, are they happy for me? And how do you know if they're happy for you is when you have some exciting news and you share it with them and they match your energy. That is when you know it's a good friend if they're like, "Yes," or whatever.
I bet the ones that are like the dream killers or whatever are the ones that are like, "Yeah, but. Yeah, but like you might like not be successful or whatever. What if, whatever." You know what I mean? Like fill in the blank. Whatever frenemies would say, like that. Those are the most draining and you should unfortunately they cut them off again. If they're not happy before you, you should only surround yourself with people that are seriously happy for you. And in order for that, they need to be happy with themselves and be having their own stuff that they're doing or understanding... Just really sincerely happy for you and your journey and your things. So frenemies, they even made a kid's movie from it I think.
Sheila Bella:
Did they?
Anthea:
Yes.
Sheila Bella:
I think we're best friends because I had the same answer. Do you know what's interesting though? You know what's interesting? So you heard that concept from Vanessa Van Edwards. Now I have to listen to it because it's the same. I read this concept for the first time in a really, really eloquent, detailed way from Gordon Peterson. And I think it's really interesting how two people, right, Vanessa Van Edwards and Gordon Peterson, who probably have very little in common, go through life, go through life with their own twists and turns and experiences and come up with the same conclusion. And you know what? I'm going on a tangent here. You know, I think that's what 30 is. That's what 30 and up is.
I think what happens is in high school, we all separate, right? We all separate. We all have like an angst towards one another, and we all have like strong feelings towards one another, and we're judging each other. And then what happens is we go on and live some life, our twenties, ups and downs, twists and turns. And then we like see the same people in our thirties and we're softer to them because I think we've all figured out that like, oh, you've been through some stuff. Oh my gosh, we have the same conclusions about life I'll bet because everyone I talk to now has too. We were drama back then. That's so crazy.
So whether you learn the facts of life on the battlefield, on a theater set or in an esthetician school, whatever it is, I feel like that is one of the truths of life that are undeniable I think, which is your good friends are not just those that you can tell bad news to, but the ones that you can tell good news to. I think that's more telling. I said that like couple episodes ago. Yeah, it's the ones that you can tell good news to. And I love the way you faced that, Anthea, is do they match your energy?
Anthea:
Yeah. Because some people, you just know that they're like, "Why are they grinning," or they're like more excited than you and you're like, "Oh my God, I'm even more excited." You know what I mean? You're like, "Oh yes, this feels really good." And then some people that are... They're kind of like dream killers. They have their own issues and you also have to know that as well. Just like you said earlier, like their self-awareness. You're like, "Oh, they are not in it for me, or they're not in it with me." And that's okay. And that's okay. They have their own limitations, and you got to let that go and understand that they are only your friends for that.
You have your friends that you can come with and they'll be like, "Oh yes, let's do it, and then you should do this because you can do better." And those friends and then you have the other friends you're like, is this the crazy idea? I need to be not grounded, but like see a different perspective. And then you know that they are your dream killer friends and you're like, that is okay, but I keep them in this section. But then your crazy ideas and [inaudible 00:29:03] friends, or if you need a cheerleader versus that group of friends or a friend, but definitely understand where they stand and that boundaries that you have with yourself most importantly.
You don't have to extend any invitation to come join your energy circle at all to anybody. There is no obligation to that. You are in control of that for sure.
Sheila Bella:
That also reminds me too and, yes and, Dave and Rachel Hollis... Dang it. Dave and Rachel Hollis so... I don't know. I heard this somewhere. Rachel Hollis is a super creative, right? She's like you. She's like me. She's also super entrepreneurial. So she comes up with all of these ideas and Dave's role in the relationship used to be he would look for holes. He would look for holes in her process because he wanted to see if what she was thinking about was actually feasible. He saw himself as the more rational one, the logistician basically. And one thing that he had mentioned is that marriage is basically like that's your best friend. It's like learning how to be the best friend to your spouse.
It's learning how to support your partner in different times at different points of their life. And what he has found is when she has crazy ideas, to go with it because it stunts her creativity. And he has learned that too. So if you have that friend who's a logistician, maybe they're just logisticians.
Anthea:
I do.
Sheila Bella:
Maybe they are. But here's the thing though, I think your gut will tell you whether this girl is a frenemy or not. I think your gut will tell you whether this person's being logical. If it's your mom and she's just after your best interests or is she really like a frenemy?
Anthea:
Hands down.
Sheila Bella:
You'll know the difference.
Anthea:
What was it? I can't finish if I'm going to start saying it. She said that they ran a test about sweat glands, and they said that you can actually... Vanessa Van Edwards, they ran a test about the sweat glands, and they awkwardly made people smell the sweat. And then they can sense that... They found out that the one that they grabbed the sweat from somebody jumping out of a plane or whatever the fear made the person smelling it trigger their fear. And so it was like, oh, so it can be scent. Trust your gut instinct. Absolutely.
Sheila Bella:
Smell their sweat.
Anthea:
Excuse me, can I smell your armpit?
Sheila Bella:
Smell their kili-kili.
Anthea:
Kili-kili which is armpit. Yes. No, but don't.
Sheila Bella:
And on that note, should we end the episode on this?
Anthea:
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Sheila Bella:
Smell their armpit, love Sheila and Anthea. It will tell you everything you need to know everything. Everything.
Anthea:
Dove Powder.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. Next time you see Susan, next time you see Susan, I'd be like, "Let me see. What deodorant do you use? Can I just smell it??
Anthea:
Frenemy. No.
Sheila Bella:
I knew it. I knew she was a... Oh man, I love having you on here. Okay. Next one that Anthea and I discussed is going to blow your mind and mine. So stay tuned for the next episode of Pretty Rich Podcast with me and Anthea. And if you guys have any questions for Q and A day, just send us DMs on Instagram. All right. Talk to you guys again. Bye.
Anthea:
Bye.
Sheila Bella:
Grey, say share with your friends.
Grey:
Share with friends.
Sheila Bella:
Please review my mommy on iTunes.
Grey:
Review mommy iTunes.
Sheila Bella:
Thanks for listening.
Grey:
Thanks for listening.
Sheila Bella:
Thank you so much for listening. It is an honor to be a part of your life. If you enjoy this podcast or were impacted by this at all, please take a minute to leave us a five star review on iTunes and share it with a friend. Screenshot it. Post it on your stories or feed and your timeline. And don't forget to tag me. I would really love to see that. My Instagram is @RealSheilaBella. Also, let's carry on the conversation longer. Join our private Facebook group just for Pretty Rich Girls. Just go to facebook.com/prettyrichsquad and check out SheilaBella.com for more information on how to get more support on your beauty entrepreneurship journey and get going on your pretty rich lifestyle. Until next time.
