Ep. 165: BRAVER NOT SMALLER HOW GETTING CANCELED HAS CHANGED ME FOREVER, BEAUTY INDUSTRY TOXICITY
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
That's what the great philosopher Kelly Clarkson said. And she's right!
Today, I want to talk about something extremely important: getting canceled. Nobody wants to get canceled and today, with the way the internet works, it's possible that it could happen to any one of us. No matter what size platform you have, people are watching you like a hawk, waiting to catch you slipping up.
I know that idea strikes fear in some of you. Heck, I was scared of it too! But then something happened - I got canceled.
Maybe you haven't heard about it yet, but I'm not going to shy away from it. You guys know me. I'm not about secrets. So we're going to talk about what happened, why I got canceled, what it was like, how I handled it, and how it changed me.
I'm not going to let what happened make me smaller. I'm going to let it make me braver.
Here are the episode highlights:
‣‣ [02:09] I want to start by talking about the criticism I've been dealing with over the last couple of weeks.
‣‣ [03:25] This is something that I've really forgotten to share with you in this podcast, and it's really important.
‣‣ [04:37] What being the subject of online criticism has taught me.
‣‣ [07:28] This is what I wish everyone could get out of this lesson.
GET BRAVER NOT SMALLER! (Listen Here)
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You can enjoy a transcript of the podcast here.
Sheila Bella:
I am done pretending that I don't see the deception and the divisiveness that is going on in the beauty industry right now. I'm done pretending that I don't see it. I'm done just talking about the Instagram algorithm and how to make more money in your beauty business. Because, guess what? My mission is to help others make more money in their beauty business. And unless we discuss reality, how can you expect that to happen? It's all a part of it. Keep it locked right here on Pretty Rich Podcast.
Welcome to Pretty Rich Podcast, where you're totally the heroine of your own story. I'm your host, Sheila Bella, and I've built a seven-figure PMU beauty biz and a seven-figure online biz without a degree, without a fancy website, or a sugar daddy. If you and I hang out on here long enough, you're going to start to believe that you can do it too. How about that for a side effect of listening to this podcast? Because you really can.
I know you think I don't know you. I've no idea who you are, but I do. I really, really do because I am you. I was you, and I believe we are all on the same journey together. My perfect job didn't exist, so I created it. The job I wanted wasn't hiring me, wanted nothing to do with me, so I skipped the line and hired myself as CEO just like you can. So consider me your secret beauty biz BFF in case you need to be reminded on a weekly basis, that power is never just handed to you, you have to take it. Are you ready? beauty bus. Let's jump in.
So much braver right now, and it's because the last three weeks I have experienced a lot of online criticism from complete strangers. If you are following me on Instagram, you know exactly what I'm talking about. But if you don't, just know that I experienced a lot of criticism in the last two, three weeks on the internet for stupid things. I am all about listening to a different perspective. I'm all about listening to a different perspective and learning from a different perspective from another individual, which I did. I had conversations with individuals that helped me understand a different perspective. However, I don't appreciate name calling, bullying, random one-word, two-word messages with obscenities, like, why? How?
You are not a real person to me. So no, I will not entertain those types of messages. Interestingly enough, the day that this all happened, Sarah Pendrick and I were talking about cyber bullying and how crazy it is that all of us are now under a microscope. I tell you guys to post constantly. I tell you to put it all out there. I tell you to be vulnerable. The thing that I may not have told you yet, and I'm kicking myself, right? Is that, you need to be prepared to be criticized. Because what I'm doing right now, even on this podcast, is just my stream of consciousness. Okay? There's no script or anything like that. It's my stream of consciousness. I'm thinking out loud. I'm processing my thoughts in front of you, and I'm working out ideas that I'm not completely sure of, but that's because we're friends. Okay?
So in this process, in your vulnerability, in my vulnerability, you will have critics. You will also have lifers, people who get you, who understand you, who know exactly what you're talking about, who are really with you in the journey. You will have both. And it's impossible to get these lifers without the critics. The past couple of weeks has really taught me, even more, shown me, shown me how toxic social media can be. Not just social media, because I believe that social media is just a reflection of the real world. Just digitalized, it's the same thing. Just how the world can be, how people can be, how ugly they can be.
As I was getting criticized, guys, I gave in. I gave in. I'm pregnant. Okay? I'm extra hormonal. Heck, extra sensitive. And I gave in to what people thought. I rushed. I rushed to remedy it without any real thought to what I was saying. Not real. It was real. It wasn't complete. It wasn't a complete thought. I was processing as I do publicly, and I was acting out of fear. Something that I tell you guys not to do. And what I realized, I have known this, but it actually played out in my own life, is that, there is no satisfying 100% of the people who watch you on social media. Guys, we’re all mini celebrities. It doesn't matter if you have 300 followers, 300,000, three million. It doesn't matter, you're a mini celebrity. You're putting yourself out there, and it's up for scrutiny for anybody.
The internet is not a safe place. It was very difficult to be personally attacked, bullied, and harassed by random people on the internet. Just strangers, even that there were strangers. It was a mob mentality. Now also, a lot of you wrote me very thoughtful messages, saying how much you support me and how not even to worry about it. How people have no idea what they're talking about and how not to listen. I really appreciated those as well. I tried to stay away from my phone, but it was very difficult. Regardless, I got the gist.
Okay. Long story short, I went through an experience. It was an experience. And as traumatic, truly, as it was, I'm also really grateful. I am really grateful because it's really helped me get perspective. Live life as if you've already been canceled. Yeah. It's so liberating on this side. I don't wish this for people. However, the perspective, the clarity, the freedom it gives you after an experience such as this, it's unparalleled. Once you just get to acceptance, get to acceptance, don't fight it anymore. Get to acceptance that you are damned if you do, damned if you don't. Get to acceptance that there are people who secretly hate you, publicly hate you. People who secretly love you and publicly love you. Just get acceptance that that's just the way it's going to be. The quicker you yet there, the better. You're not going to be as afraid to be yourself.
Here's the thing. I went back to my poor mom who watched all of this unfold. And then she's like, "Okay, well, we learned a lesson." She always says we like we're the same person. Like I'm going to do everything she says. No, mom. I'm just kidding. She was just really concerned and really fearful for me, I guess. And she was like, "Well, we've learned a lesson." Because she's dragged into this too, I suppose. "And the lesson is, don't get involved. Don't get involved." I'm like, "No, I don't think that's the lesson at all. I think the lesson is to be brave, to understand that this is a part of social media marketing. This is a part of having our life displayed on the internet. This is a part of it. It's not to be smaller. The part that I really have taken away from this is to be braver."
So when you have something to say, okay? Because, I recognize a lot of this was bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit while it was happening. When things happen on the internet, when something is unjust, all of these things, you yourself think quietly, "Oh, this is a piece of crap right now. This is not what everybody is calling it. This headline is a piece of crap." But do we say anything? No, we don't say anything. We're afraid. Then maybe you see a comment and it aligns with you, and it's a reasonable comment from a reasonable person, who looks at all sides. Then you think to yourself, "Should I heart this? People are going to see that I hearted this. Or maybe, you know what? I'll just like it in my head, but not say anything. I don't want to say anything. I don't want to get involved."
Right? That's how we all think. The majority of the people listening to this don't want to get involved. That's how we all think. We all know that there's so much crap going on in the world that doesn't make any sense. We know that there are things that are super unjust. We know that people are being labeled names and people are getting canceled left and right for unjust reasons. But we don't say anything because we're afraid. That's crazy. It's crazy how you, me, all of us, we're afraid to say something kind and reasonable. Think about that, that you are afraid to say some thing that promotes peace. Most of us won't do it out of fear.
Now, something that Jordan Peterson says, which I think I agree with, when you have something to say, silence is a lie. The thoughts running through our head, the negative thought army, okay, says, "I'm not going to put myself out there. I'm afraid of being misunderstood. I'm scared to lose. I'm scared to win. They're going to talk about me. They're going to think I'm a terrible person. Oh, these people are going to think I'm a good person and they're going to get it all wrong. Or they're going to laugh at me. They're going to expect something out of me. Oh, they're thinking that I'm just trying to get attention." It is crazy the thoughts that come into our head that prevents us, that paralyzes us from speaking our truth. But like I said, these comments are inevitable.
Live life as if you've already been canceled. There's no escaping cancellation. You can try, but it will still happen. We are all being trained by society to be bland. The smartest is the blandest. Okay? You got to be vanilla ice cream. Don't rock the boat. I don't know if I'm okay with that. What is a life unexpressed, right? You cannot let the fear of public failure run your life and silence you. Live as if you've already failed publicly. It's liberating on this side of it. I mean, I'm not saying be reckless or insensitive. I'm not saying that. But I want to invite you to continue to lean into empathy and curiosity, but also know that you can't make everybody happy.
To me, the higher calling is unexpressed life and the freedom. That's what I'm after. I'm after the freedom. I want to be able to ask questions. How will we learn if we're not able to ask questions. Right? I want to be able to ask questions. I want to be able to think out loud and work out my ideas in real time using this beautiful, amazing thing called the internet and social media. Right? I think social media can be a really toxic place, but it's also a really powerful tool for perspective used properly. You are not responsible. You are not responsible for the pedestal somebody decides to put you on. You are a real person. All you can do is document your growth journey. If it is an authentic documentation, you're going to show your process. You will not just be a straight ...
It's not just going to be a steady rise to the mountain top. No. It's an authentic, personal growth journey. Right? That people can decide whether or not to go with you on. Right. People are responsible for the content that they ingest. It's not your job to filter their feed. You're an adult speaking to other adults. Right? I'm a real person working out my ideas in real time. It would be so unhealthy of me to put that kind of pressure on myself. Right? It's an authentic, personal growth journey. Right? That's what people want. I mean, all of this stuff is so curated. We want to feel connected to people who are not perfect. Everybody I know that I look up to has both haters and fans. There's no one that I look up to that doesn't have both. No one. If you're going to get there, you're going to have them too. I think what people are craving for nowadays is a real person and somebody who's going to say it like it really is. Not because they are being pressured by society or social media to say things that follow a specific narrative.
So as a social media marketing coach, when you post something on the internet, don't forget to remind yourself that people will misunderstand you. Yes, of course. 100% of people who listen to this thing, watch that thing, is going to know exactly what you mean. No, there will be people that it won't resonate with. And there will be a lot of people that it will resonate with. And that's okay. Because for every three naysayers, will be 10 lifers who understand you, who get you, who support what you're doing. But you can not build that following, you cannot build that community and have impact on the world without risk.
Hey, thanks so much for listening to today's episode of Pretty Rich Podcast. If you want to continue the conversation longer, check me out on Instagram. It's my favorite place to connect with you guys @realsheilabella. I'm happy to answer any of your questions or simply to chat and get to know you better. If you end up doing something super awesome, like screenshotting this episode and re-posting it on your stories, that would put the biggest smile on my face. Don't forget to tag me, I appreciate every share and love feedback from my listeners.
Also, do you have my number? Do you have my number? Because if we're going to keep hanging out, you should probably have my number. So you can actually text me. That's right. You can text me at (310) 388-4588. And if you're sick and tired of doing business alone, and you're interested in accelerating your success by hiring a business coach or joining our mentorship program called Pretty Rich Bosses, go ahead and just apply. Why not? Check it out? Go to sheilabella.com/apply and we'll schedule a free strategy session with either myself or one of my advisors. Of course, I got to include my kids. So here to send us off are Beau and Grey.
Grey:
[crosstalk 00:18:11].
Sheila Bella:
Gray, say, "Share with your friends."
Grey:
Share [inaudible 00:18:14] your friends.
Sheila Bella:
"Please review my mommy on iTunes."
Grey:
[inaudible 00:18:20] mommy iTunes.
Sheila Bella:
Thanks for listening.
Grey:
Thank you for listening.
Sheila Bella:
Hey Beau, can you tell everybody what our family motto is?
Beau:
Yeah. I can do hard things.
Sheila Bella:
I can do hard things. Good job, buddy.
