Ep. 74: Embrace The Suck! Interview with Daniella Carrasco
We all have these crazy, gnarly, sad experiences that we carry around with us. Winners take that experience and they turn it into something beautiful.
For this episode, I had the honor of being interviewed by my friend Daniella Carrasco for her upcoming book Embrace The Suck! This episode is all about failure and success. You might think that the two ideas are totally separate. But maybe they really work together?
I know, crazy. Give this episode a listen if you want to hear us get really into our philosophy of failure. I think it's pretty life-changing.
Here are the episode highlights:
‣‣ [04:36] Daniella starts off the interview by asking me a little bit about my past. I talk about my upbringing, immigrating from the Philippines when I was eight, and how I discovered permanent makeup.
‣‣ [08:51] Here we get into how struggles are essential to survival and success.
‣‣ [11:08] I share the one thing I never would have thought I had the strength to survive: my 36-year-old husband's stroke.
‣‣ [34:30] Daniella and I dig into my formula success. I'll give you a hint for the key ingredient: failure.
‣‣ [40:05] Your fears don't go away once you start to become successful. You have to embrace them - not let them control you. Here I break down my attitude towards fear and failure and how I use both to drive myself towards success.
‣‣ [47:42] We redefine FAILURE. If you were to redefine the word - how would you define it?
GIVE ME THE FORMULA TO SUCCESS! (Listen Here)
You can follow me, Sheila Bella, on Instagram @realsheilabella!
Here are the links that were mentioned in the podcast!
Grow Your Gram
Online Course Workshop
FOR MY LISTENER BOSS BABES
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FOR MY READER BOSS BABES
You can enjoy a transcript of the podcast here.
Sheila Bella:
That toxic relationship, trauma. Your best friend who betrayed you, also trauma. A parent that never apologized, trauma. Raising your hand, getting it wrong, and then being made fun of by the whole class, trauma. The body keeps score, and it always wins. We have all had these crazy, gnarly, sad experiences, and we carry them with us like a heavy backpack. That's why you still dream about that time in middle school when you were humiliated, you still think about that time someone rejected you in the eighth grade, as if it was yesterday.
Winners though, winners take that painful memory, and they transform it into something beautiful like, helping others not have to go through the same thing, because your mess is your greatest message. To teach from your trauma as a tribute to what you've overcome, is how you heal. Because one thing is for sure, if you don't take those lemons, and learn to extract sweetness from such sour experiences, you're going to continue to serve lemons to your family, to your community, and to everyone you love, without even knowing it. Break the cycle.
I wanted to start with something a little different today, because this has been a message that has been on my heart for so long, and it just keeps coming up. I see it everywhere, I see it in myself, I see it in my family, I see it in my closest friends. In today's episode, I have the absolute honor of being interviewed by Daniella for her new book, Embracing the Suck, because that applies to real life too, not just the military, especially if you're in business. My name is Sheila Bella, and I'm so excited to be hanging with you today, right here on Pretty Rich Podcast.
You're listening to the Pretty Rich Podcast, where you are totally the heroine of your own story, I'm your host, Sheila Bella, and I built a seven figure PMU biz without a degree, without a fancy website, or a sugar daddy. And if you and I hang out here long enough, you're going to start to believe that you can do it too, because you really can. I know you think I don't know you, but I do. I really, really do because, I am you, and I believe we're all on the same journey together. My perfect job didn't exist, so I created it. The job I wanted wasn't hiring me, so I skipped the line and hired myself as CEO, just like you can. So consider me your secret beauty biz BFF. In case you need to be reminded that power is never given to you, you just have to take it. Are you ready beauty boss? Let's jump in.
Daniella Carrasco:
Hey everyone, this is Daniella. If you've ever thought or imagined, "Oh my goodness. How does Sheila do it in regards to staying positive? And how has she embraced her own second life? Definitely take a listen, this is the episode to, turn on and really learn a little bit more of the amazing and fabulous Sheilla Bella.
Sheila Bella:
Hey.
Daniella Carrasco:
Hello, Sheila Bella? And learning a little bit more about her story of what she has been through in life, and how she personally has embraced her suck in life, career, dating, anything you can think about. So first off, thank you so much for taking time out of your day to spend some time with me today.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, I'm so excited. Like I was just telling you before we hit record, if you would have told me years ago that I was going to be interviewed for somebody's book, all about Embracing the Suck, I would not have believed you, because I was terrified, and I didn't go out of my comfort zone, I didn't do anything like that at all. So I'd be like, "What?" It's pretty cool.
Daniella Carrasco:
Yeah. Awesome. Awesome. So can you just start off by telling me a little bit about yourself? You are very, very successful. I kid you not, I just Googled you and out of nowhere, I had two whole pages of research worth, which I remember last... Actually yesterday I was researching on you and I thought, "Oh my goodness, I should have done this earlier." So if you could just tell me a little bit more about yourself, what you've done in the past, where you currently are, to just get to know you a little bit more.
Sheila Bella:
Okay. Well, to summarize everything... First of all, I just want to address that I think everybody has a gnarly story. Whether they're showy, or if they're quiet and reserved, sometimes those people have the most amazing stories that you would never ever guessed, I believe that. But my story, I guess it's also gnarly. I came here when I was eight years old from the Philippines, I'm an immigrant, English is my second language.
My parents basically moved us into a two bedroom apartment with 10 people, and within three years, I watched my dad take our impoverished life basically, and we became homeowners in a middle class neighborhood. I had a really great adolescence, young adolescents, but I'd never graduated college. And I was lost for several years, I married the wrong guy, I was divorced, and then as I was searching for meaning, searching for my next husband, I stumbled upon Permanent Makeup, while I was waiting tables.
And I built a seven figure business within three years at that time. And that was about nine, nine and a half, approaching 10 years now, nine and a half, 10 years ago, and now not only do I own a brick and mortar, I am also a business coach, I am a global success speaker, which is so weird to say, and now I am hosting my own first event called the Pretty Ambitious Summit. It's my first one, and we are expecting 300 attendees, which I would not expecting for my first event. And I'm just so, so grateful, and so uber excited.
Daniella Carrasco:
Wow. That's amazing. So you've clearly done many, many things. I think that's really awesome. Something that I've definitely found very much in common with other people that have, really been able to be fortunate to really know how to embrace the suck is that they've done, literally everything under the sun. And they are really getting themselves out of their comfort zone.
Sheila Bella:
Totally. I've done theater too. That's how I met the person that introduced us, Michael Moon, I was in pageants, that's why I think it's really hard to summarize everything everybody has gone through in a nutshell.
Daniella Carrasco:
Yeah. Nice, nice.
Sheila Bella:
Hey, Richie's hold your tits. My new favorite way to stay in touch with you guys is finally here. Texting, let's be text buddies. I text my best friends all day long. Lets text each other. Stay in the know. I want to text you inspiration updates on the Pretty Ambitious Summit, quotes that fill my soul, new podcasts, and all of the things I use, and believe in to up-level my own business, and life experience. I teach and share nothing that I haven't done or have used myself. So text Sheila, S-H-E-I-L-A, S-H-E-I-L-A, to 31996 and we'll be connected. And you know the coolest thing, you can actually text me back. That is so cool. So homey, I don't want you to be left out. Stay in the know. Text Sheila to 31996 right now. And if you already did, hey five sister-friend.
Daniella Carrasco:
One thing I've noticed, specifically, I'm really focusing on women here. Sometimes when you meet somebody, another woman that is very successful, I've noticed a lot of people tend to what I'd say, compare their chapter one with your chapter 15, and they think, "Oh my goodness. I'm trying." Like in your case, if somebody were to try to get into the industry, I personally I've never done it, but I can imagine they would say, "Oh, it's so hard. How do I even start?" But I think something that a lot of people forget is that, although right now you're on your chapter 15, and you're getting closer to that like top of mountain, or have already reached to that, we forget that you also have gone through struggles. So in regards to that, have you personally gone through your own sucks in life, and how have those been like?
Sheila Bella:
Anybody who's done anything worthwhile, or anything notable, anything that matters even, not even notable, but just anything that matters, in order for them to have done that, you have had to have embraced the suck. It had to have sucked to get there. I mean, think about it. You do something that would cause people to give you their money, a million dollars worth of their money every year, hundreds and thousands of dollars every month. You do it, you build it like, what would that have to entail? What would you have to do? It's not simple. And the road getting there, it sucks. It does suck, but I believe that, that's the only way to get there, is to embrace that failure.
Daniella Carrasco:
And I feel like with every everybody's life, there's always been that one moment, or that one situation that I say you look back and you just laugh at the whole situation. Obviously when that was taking place, you're like, "I want to die. Give me the tub of ice cream because I'm feeling super down." So has there been a certain situation in your life, I should say one that to this day, when you have these tough moments, you kind of look back and think like, "Okay, if I was able to survive that one situation, I can survive what I'm going through right now."
Sheila Bella:
Okay. Well, when you put it that way, while you were talking, there were several that floated into my head. When you put it that way, when you say like, "If I can survive that, I can survive anything." My husband had a stroke last year, he was 36 years old, and it was a nightmare. And even the word nightmare can't even describe how absolutely terrifying that whole experience was. We were in the ICU for 10 days, and I didn't see my kids, I didn't shower, and I will never forget the moment that the doctor in the emergency room came inside, looked us in the eyes and told us, "I have bad news. Your husband had a stroke. He is in critical condition, and we have to rush him into the intensive care unit in Sunset in Kaiser, because we don't have the equipment to care for him here. I'm sorry."
I will never forget that. I was in shock, I was in disbelief, I didn't think that that was actually happening, I thought I was dreaming, and I actually had to chase her down the hall, to ask her to repeat that to me, because I just couldn't wrap my head around that reality, that it was now my reality, and I was awake. Needless to say, that was something that transformed me. It really did transform me. I'll never forget too, after we got through that horrendous 10 days, and also the recovery part, but I'm just talking about the time at the hospital, from the time he was admitted to the time that he was discharged. After we got through that horrendous 10 days, I remember finally getting the green light that we could go home, and I could see my kids.
I went to the car, the same mini van that I drive the kids to and from, I sat on that steering wheel, I gripped my hands on that steering wheel, while the car was still in park, and I cried by myself. And the reason why, is because I remember, that car, that's like a routine for me, right?
Daniella Carrasco:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Sheila Bella:
That's something that I do every single day. I take the kids to school, I go to the grocery. But as I sat down and a gripped that steering wheel, I knew I was a different woman. I was like, "Whoa, this is my first entry into normalcy, but I'm not the same. I've really changed. I am not the same girl." And that's what discomfort, tragedy, anything that knocks us out of our bubble, our routine does. It transforms you. And that's what your book is about. It's about embracing the suck. That every time you're knocked out of your routine, you're put into a state of discomfort, that's when your greatest, your greatest milestones occur, that's when the greatest growth happens, that's where wisdom is born. That's the only place, because we're so used to our lives. Right?
Daniella Carrasco:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Sheila Bella:
We get up every single morning, we use the same finger to turn off the alarm, every day we brush our teeth the same way. Everything has muscle memory. So we don't have any new thoughts. We don't have any new challenges. But it's only when we have a diagnosis, or when we lose our jobs, or when we have to do anything super uncomfortable, when we're forced out of our routine... This is why traveling, I think is so eye opening for a lot of people and people are addicted to it, it's because it transforms you, because it makes you uncomfortable.
Daniella Carrasco:
That is so true. One concept I've recently really been looking into, and just viewing these tough situations of, really being able to view life as it's happening for you and not necessarily to you, and just like you mentioned, in this example of, yes it was a tragedy, and of course nobody would ever hope that on anyone else. But once it actually happens, really being able to see, "Okay, why did this happen? And for some reason, it took place, and how am I going to be able to gain that little positive light out of this negative situation to then move forward?"
And when you look back now, like I said, I mean, there are so many situations where I say you look back and you just laugh at the whole situation, or you just think, "Oh my goodness, I can't believe that happened." But again, it all happens for a reason, and of course at that moment, it's really hard to see that light. But then once you just again, embrace it, and really, really get all of those feelings in that whole situation, and you realize, "Wow." You look back and think, "Oh my goodness. I never thought I even had that strength within me to-"
Sheila Bella:
True.
Daniella Carrasco:
... "To be able to surpass that type of situation."
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. Yeah. And that's exactly what that did, or anything I've ever done. That's why people who knew me even 15 years ago. When I first met our mutual friend, Michael Moon, he knew me like 15 years ago, he can tell you himself firsthand that there's been a lot of growth, I'm not the same person in many ways, because of all of these challenges I've had to overcome. Had I stayed comfortable, had people done things for me, had I married rich, and just gotten my Louis Vuitton bags, and my Bentley, my mansion, without having to have done a whole lot, I would not be the woman I am today, I wouldn't be able to explain these things to people. One thing that I think I've been blessed with, is I think I'm a good communicator, but what the heck would I be communicating, if I were empty? If I didn't have these experiences?
Daniella Carrasco:
Yeah. And that's so true. And I think specifically when you are speaking with other women, it's all about considering the audience, right?
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Daniella Carrasco:
Sometimes you just always feel like there's a reason why podcasts exist, and why people have become such fans of them. Because I think it isn't necessarily yes, the information part is so big, but I think sometimes you just want to put on your headphones, and actually feel relatable to somebody else on the other side.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. Podcasts are great, because people name the feelings. I try to do that in my podcast. Even if I don't necessarily fix your issue or fix your problem, but just hearing somebody else naming the same feelings that are inside you, that maybe you've never verbalized before, it's incredibly healing. I know it is for me. That's why I try to be as open as possible, because I know how much it helps me, so I hope that it helps somebody else.
Daniella Carrasco:
That's, very true. Even right now with the process of writing the book, I've written here and there, with the journal, and they say that being able to be vulnerable really helps somebody to fully take a look at where they're at and embracing the moment, and-
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, getting your permission, to look, deeper too.
Daniella Carrasco:
... Exactly.
Sheila Bella:
Like, "Oh."
Daniella Carrasco:
Yeah, and I was definitely one of those persons who are like, "Okay. Yeah. Whatever." Like, "I'm just going to write a couple of things here and there." But it wasn't until I actually sat down and 100% opened myself, and I think specifically with writing, you can do that. The only audience that you have are your own eyes, and the piece of paper and the pen. That's literally the only audience. And I think it's just being able to... and in your case, with the podcast, and I know you mentor people as well, and with your seminar coming up, really allowing the audience to relate to who you are and what you've been through.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty awesome. And who knew that even just opening up could help so many people, and bring them together?
Daniella Carrasco:
Definitely.
Sheila Bella:
I think community is really, really powerful. And what sparks community, what brings about a community versus a following, is discussion. It's a sharing of feelings. Once it's a conversation, it becomes a community.
Daniella Carrasco:
Yes. Yes. Most definitely.
Sheila Bella:
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So if you have a PMU, lash, or any beauty business that's struggling, you've got to check this out. This is everything. This is the secret right here. It's a new era, you've got to shake things up because if what you're doing isn't working, stop doing it. Your pattern isn't working, so you need to get a new one, and this is the ultimate pattern interrupt. So stop what you're doing, you've got to go to sheilabella.com/ncc. Let's get you those new clients consistently, and I'll see you inside.
Daniella Carrasco:
So in regard to us talking about how, you have been able to really gain this type of mindset, I think the most common question when somebody is seeking this type of information is, how do they do it? How is it? Sometimes I take a look at different people that I admire, even my personal mentor. My mentor is like this killer girl, that she works for Tesla, and that lady is just, oh my goodness. I mean, you look at her and I'm like, "I want to be like you when I grow up." But I always ask her like, "How do you do it? How do you do it?" And I think that tends to be the typical question of, "Okay, great, I love these inspiring words, but how do I do it?" So how do you personally have this mindset? Did it come from a situation? Was it maybe family that taught you how to be able to embrace your suck?
Sheila Bella:
There is a formula, you're right about that, and I think I love the topic of this book because I think you're going to find the overlap within all of these answers, and I think success leaves clues, and I think the formula is pretty much the same for the most part. It's like 99.9, the same for everybody who's ever been successful. So I'll go through my list. Number one, the catalyst, your why needs to be there. You need to remember why you're even embracing the suck to begin with. And I say this all the time. You have to burn the boat. You have to burn the boat. Because I think if you're too comfortable, you won't do it, because it's easier. Why would you? Why would you, if you can just push a button? But you have to burn the boat.
Number two, I think people are afraid of failure, because they personify it. It embodies them. They attach their personal worth to the failure too much. Instead of looking at it as just something to learn from. It's just a mistake. It's not that big of a deal. It's a big deal, but really the road to success, the road to success is paved with failure. Anybody who's ever been successful, it doesn't matter who it is, like Gordon Ryan, he's this Jiu-jitsu guy, right?
Daniella Carrasco:
Mm-hmm (affirmative), yes.
Sheila Bella:
He's undefeated... My kids are into Jiu-jitsu. He's undefeated. But that guy didn't just succeed and succeed and succeed. He doesn't just jump from mountain top to mountain top. That's who we see today, but he fails at the gym constantly. And whether it's private or public, failure is the way. It is the way. If you are feeling uncomfortable right now, if all of a sudden life is harder for you right now, congratulations. It means that you're leveling up. It means that you're on the road to success. You're doing it. If life is easy for you, you're not leveling up. That's the big mystery.
Daniella Carrasco:
That's so true, and I think it's not easy. And I think I always think back to when were babies. If we didn't try to walk, we would have never walked. I always think about that sometimes where if I ever have a really tough project and I think, "Oh my goodness, I have no idea even where to start, and where should I research? What am I doing?" And that wasn't even my situation with this book. I mean, I'm two months in, I've learned so much just with these first few months, but if I look back to that day one, I was so scared. I was making every excuse you can think of, of not doing it. I'm like, "Hmm, do I really have time? I have to pay these editor fees. Am I really that great of a writer?" And I actually... I stopped myself and I thought, "You're self-sabotaging yourself. And take a look back at the situation." And it was funny, I was actually in a coffee shop while I was thinking all of these thoughts, and I actually saw a baby crawling.
And it was one of those things where I kind of put everything together. "Oh my gosh. This is something you've never done, but just think back to when you were a small child." I didn't know how to walk. You don't get out of the woman and you're like, left, right, left, and then you know how to balance. It's one of those things that you just take baby steps, and then really be able to then of course achieve your overall goal.
Sheila Bella:
You're right. Kids don't personify their failures. Not at that age. Babies don't. And that's why they don't quit. You fail and fail and fail and one day you won't. Really. But I think that's the secret. You just can't take it too personally and just know that, that's the only way to get there.
Daniella Carrasco:
So in regards to, speaking about failures, I think one of the biggest items and commonality that I've been just hearing in regards to, when I asked somebody about failures and how they feel about it, there's a lot of fear around failure. And there's many reasons of why people fear that sense. So, what are your own thoughts of... Why do you think people are afraid to fail?
Sheila Bella:
I always go back to the book Mindset by Carol Dweck. Have you read that book?
Daniella Carrasco:
I have not, but it's actually it's on my list.
Sheila Bella:
You need to, or just listen to episode, I think it's three or four, I think its four, of Pretty Rich Podcast. I always go back to Mindset, such a great book, but I can summarize it for you here, and I think it stems from, a lot of it could stem from childhood, especially if you as a child were known for something. So a lot of times as parents who mean very well, will label their children.
Kids are smart. Kids hear things, and you overhear your parents telling their friends, or whoever they're like, "Oh, this is Sheila. She is my musical child". "This is Jack. He is my academic child." Or, "This is my athletic child." And when you're a kid, you're afraid to lose that title. To lose that label. So for example, I was the musical child. So when I didn't get a part in a school play, I was definitely afraid of losing that title. "I will no longer be the star. I will no longer be that child. I will lose it." So what we do is, we don't try hard things.
So for example, let's say you have a child and then you praise him or her for being smart, or being able to figure out puzzles. "He's so good at puzzles. He's the best at puzzles." So when he goes to school, and he's asked to figure out a puzzle and he does well, he's like, "Great." And then when the teacher asks, "Do you want to try a harder one? Do you want to try a harder one?" Some kids who are afraid of losing that title will say, "No, no, because what happens if I fail?"
So actually what I've been doing with my kids, because I have a two-year-old and a five-year-old, and I'm super into obviously all this self-development stuff for kids, I've been implementing a lot of that. So for example, my five-year-old, he's really into Jiu-jitsu. Really into Jiu-jitsu, and we make him uncomfortable. He goes to tournaments. He has in-house tournaments and whatever it may be. So he's in competition a lot. And for Thanksgiving they asked him at school, he had to write it out on this leaf. They asked him at school to write out something that he's really thankful for. And he said that he was thankful for Jiu-jitsu, because he really likes it when he wins. He's thankful for the times that he wins at Jiu-jistu. And they said, "Why?" And he's like, "Because it feels really good." They said, "Okay." So what I did was, I took a piece of paper, and then I drew an X in the middle of the paper.
And then I said, "Okay, let's play a game. I want you to touch the X with your finger, right here, do it. Okay. And then move it a little bit." And I said, "Okay, do it here, move it a little, do it here, do it here, do it here." He kept winning. And I said, "Hey, Beau, do you want a medal for this? Do you want a medal for this game for touching the X on the piece of paper game?" And he's like, "Mm-mm (negative), no." And I said, "Why do you think that is?" And he couldn't answer me, and I was like, "You don't want it, because it's too easy. It's too easy."
I said, "What if you only won at Jiu-Jitsu? It wouldn't be hard. What if you didn't have to work hard? What about those times that you've lost? Aren't you grateful for those times that you've lost, because it makes winning so much sweeter? The reason why you like winning is because it's hard." And for the past couple of days, we've been going back and forth with, "Easy is boring. Hard is fun." That's what we've been doing.
And my two-year-old is actually really good at puzzles. He actually really is, so we keep giving him puzzles that are harder and harder and harder, because I tell him, "Why would you want to do that puzzle? That's boring, because it's easy. It's easy." And I try to praise them too for being the hardest working person in the room. Like for example, I'm going back to parenting, my five-year-old, he lost his last tournament. And the kid that won first place and I said, "Okay, so what if little Chase doesn't go to Jiu-Jitsu for one month? He doesn't attend practice? When he comes back, do you think he'll win first place?" And he said, "No." And I said, "So that medal around his neck, isn't going to last. It's not going to last, unless he works hard." So, I try and praise them for being the hardest working person in the room, as opposed to the most talented, because that's been my route.
How come I was able to skip the line? There's people who are in school right now for hundreds and hundreds of thousand dollars in debt because, they just want to build a seven figure business, and people think that having this piece of paper and this diploma is going to guarantee... I'm sure it will help, but it's going to guarantee their seat at the table. Why is it that I was able to skip the line? I know that I'm not the smartest person in the room, but I'm the hardest working. I know that it's because I learned to not be afraid of failure. I learned to detach myself from the F.
Daniella Carrasco:
Mm-hmm (affirmative). That's amazing. I love to hear that your kids being so young, that you're teaching them already, because I've said... I've always... same thing. My family moved to LA from Mexico, my dad was a high school dropout, he did not speak one word of English, and we'll now take a look at the situation he used to live in. A very bad neighborhood in East LA, where he worked his butt off, and he now owns his own interior decorating company in Las Vegas, and he works for all these big casinos. My parents definitely... If there's one thing I'm very, very grateful for is that yes, they taught me to aim for success, but at the same time, they really taught me how to fail.
They made it seem like it's not necessarily what everyone thinks of failure, it's like, "Oh, I didn't make it. Oh, I didn't do this." And I feel like it's just around just like negativity, but in reality, my parents were, just like you're doing with your children of, not necessarily seeing winning as, that's all you have to do because I feel like specifically now, I feel like still society really, it's all about the winners. First, second and third place. And if you're a fourth, or seventh, or 10th, "Oh, okay. Well, try harder next time." Actually teach them of, "No, it's okay. Nothing really lasts forever."
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. I love that. I guess that's why I'm so focused on it. And you hit the nail on the head that people who are successful have just really learned the art of failure. That's that's it. I'm trying to focus on that with my kids. You need to learn more than how to succeed, how to fail.
Daniella Carrasco:
It's very, very valuable.
Sheila Bella:
Hey, have you ever been to a permanent makeup conference and thought, "Oh my gosh, I'm kind of falling asleep. Oh no." Have you ever looked at the speakers up there and thought, "Wow, I wonder how they did it. How are they up there? How do they build such influence, and how do they build their businesses? How are they always booked out with students, and clients for months and months?" Ever wondered how she built that online course and thought, "I wish I could do that?" Or think, "Oh my goodness, how did she develop such amazing products, and become profitable doing so, what are the steps I need to take in order to do the same?"
Well, you can find out at the Pretty Ambitious Summit, March 13th, through to 15th 2020 in Santa Monica, California. Finally, the ultimate girl power live event for PMU boss babes like you, where the focus is on growing the business side of things. Where you can learn PMU marketing, product development, and mindset strategies. So you can finally break through whatever is holding you back. For some of you, it might be knowledge, but for others, it might be lack of confidence, or it might be both. My whole mission with the Pretty Ambitious Summit, is to create what I needed 10 years ago. I needed this event, and here it is for you now. Myself, all the incredible speakers, and master coaches, right by the legendary beaches of Los Angeles, will surely transform you in this enlightening and educational business and mindset weekend.
And it's a write-off, hello, free vacation, right? Free vacation with your PMU brow besties. And if you're coming alone, no problem. Because this weekend was designed for you to meet your tribe. This is an opportunity for you to build your own table, the same way I did, the same way we all had to do in this industry. So quit trying to do it alone, because beauty bossing is hard. It's so hard, right? And it can be such a lonely road. We know that, you know that. And here you will find like-minded, ambitious, and kind women who get it, who get you the way nobody else does in your own circle at home. They don't know, they don't do PMU, they're not trying to do big things, right? My friends in this industry have been so valuable to my growth and my business. And seriously, I want to meet you. I want to see you guys face-to-face. I want to hear your stories and get to know what you're all about.
So if you crave inspiration, genuine connection, and you're ready to level up your personal and professional game, you need to be there. Tickets are selling out fast. VIP tickets are already sold out so, you've got to get them before they're all gone. If there is a small still voice inside of you telling you to, "Yes, this is for me, I need this. I need to do something different." Don't overthink this one, because you deserve to be in that room. Invest in you. You deserve it, because your life and your business, can only go as high as you grow as a woman. So go to prettyambitioussummit.com, and I'll meet you at the top, where ambitious women empower each other.
Daniella Carrasco:
So, talking about failure, obviously after my seven-page Google research that I found on you, I see you have so many exciting new things in horizon. You mentioned your first event, first of all, congratulations. I used to be an event planner, so I know how hard it is.
Sheila Bella:
Cool.
Daniella Carrasco:
But I think for somebody that just thinks so positive, and has had this mindset of really embracing the suck, I'm sure there are fears that even you have today. So would you mind sharing any of those fears that Sheila is currently experiencing at the moment?
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. For sure. It doesn't end. I think like, "Oh, what if people hate this? Who do I think I am?" I mean, right when I opened the cart for ticket sales for the Pretty Ambitious Summit, first of all, that was a dumb date to choose, because I chose my wedding anniversary date.
Daniella Carrasco:
Oh, no.
Sheila Bella:
And I said, "We're going to open cart today." So I was sitting at dinner with my husband and I opened cart, maybe like a few hours ago, and I was like, "Fuck. There's no ticket sales. Oh my gosh." I had one or two. And then I was like, I had this idea because people were saying over and over again how interested they were, in something like this, that I soon as I announced that I've opened cart, that it would just be like flood gates of tickets. I would have-
Daniella Carrasco:
Yeah. Black Friday, come on.
Sheila Bella:
.. And it didn't happen and I was... My poor husband. I was so preoccupied during our anniversary dinner, and I just had to chug that glass of wine and be like, "It's going to be okay." It's going to be okay, but, even just anything, I'm sure even leading up to it, I'm sure even the day of, I'm sure even right before I step on that stage, even things like before I press live, go live or anything like that, I have huge imposter syndrome, but from everything I hear, all entrepreneurs do.
Daniella Carrasco:
That's true.
Sheila Bella:
But it's just the thought that keeps coming to my head is, "Who do I think I am? Who do I think I am?" That is the negative thought army. That's what they chant in my head. I remember the girl that couldn't get into LACHSA, Los Angeles Academy High School for the Arts. I remember the girl who tripped over her words at dinner parties, because I was hobnobbing with all of these elitists, and people who had degrees. I don't know what's going on with current events. I have an idea, but not really, one time... Oh my gosh, this is so embarrassing.
One time my father-in-law, it was like maybe the second or third time I met him, asked me 10 years ago, 12 years ago, "Who is the president of the United States?" And I blanked. I'm like, "Oh." I blanked. He was like, "Barack Obama." And I was like, "I knew that." I knew that, but then I was just so in my head like, if I wasn't able to trip then, what am I doing speaking in front of hundreds of people these days, if I didn't even know... So, I have imposter syndrome constantly, and I think every time I say this, people are so surprised, but I have to be honest with them and tell them like, "No, no, no, I'm that girl, still." I didn't even know the freaking president.
This is why practice is so important. This is why doing it often, failing often is important, because like I said, it's not forever. And how I get over it, as I just stay super-grounded in the woman, that one woman that I'm trying to serve. I'm not trying to serve my father-in-law, this isn't a game of jeopardy. I'm trying to serve that one woman who is terrified right now of jumping. Of making that jump. She's not sure if the net will appear. She's so paralyzed by the thought of discomfort, or instability, or uncertainty, I connect with her, I talk to her, and I want to hold her hand through this, and throughout any platform that I speak to, and I want her to know that it's going to be okay, it's normal to feel this way.
You're supposed to feel this way. You are not alone, and it's a dumb [inaudible 00:44:42] the like me, a cupcake like me that used to, wait tables, and serve cocktails at Dillon's Irish Pub, and I thought I would be nothing more than an import model who would marry rich. I thought it would be nothing more than that. Now I'm speaking on stages, and inspiring thousands of women all over the world, to be their highest selves. To create the reality that they want for themselves. How could somebody like me do this? If I can do this, you can too, and the secret is to just do it scared. You will never be able to beat fear. Never. I just did it last week. I had my breast implants taken out, actually that's another podcast, that's another story, but even with all of the... I'm doing air quotations, the tools, the books, the tools, the podcast, the journaling, the therapy, was I ever not scared?
I did everything. I was still scared going into it. Which again, proves my point, that you will never be able to beat fear. The secret is just learning to do it scared, anyway.
Daniella Carrasco:
That's amazing. I honestly, just speaking for other women because I'm also your audience, I definitely just even want to thank you that you have this and you're providing this for other women in the world, because I know there are so many that are so scared, just like you said, to take that extra step, and sometimes they're so many times that even I, being a woman, I just want to say like, "Oh my gosh, hold my hand and let me guide you, because I promise you that there's so much more, and you're truly made for more." But I know sometimes it's so hard to actually be able to visualize and even believe, believing in yourself, it's not the easiest, but at the end of the day, that's life.
Life is not supposed to be easy, and if you think it is, then whoa, that could be a whole other interview. It's just, we can spend a whole [inaudible 00:47:03] more minutes on those, but I think that's really important what you're doing, and I again definitely thank you, as I think the world just needs a lot more people like yourself to really put themselves out there, and show women, "Okay, this is the path I took, it might not be the exact same path that will lead you." But I'm like, "Hey, I'm waving on the other side, and I promise you can get here." So I think that that's amazing.
Sheila Bella:
Well, thank you so much. I receive that, and you too. You too, people need this type of work. I can't wait to see what's on the horizon for you.
Daniella Carrasco:
Thank you. Thank you. All right. So just to wrap it up here, when I was thinking of this idea, I thought, "Okay, well, I feel like the more people I talk... Everybody kind of has their own definition of what failure actually means." So if let's say I was Webster-
Sheila Bella:
What a coincidence.
Daniella Carrasco:
And I came to your door this afternoon and said, Sheila, actually we're going to rewrite the dictionary, and I want you to define the word failure. What would your definition be?
Sheila Bella:
Definitely not that concise. My new definition of failure is the road to success. It's how you get there. If yes is the destination, the road to yes is paved with nos. So, that would be my new definition. Failure is the road to success.
Daniella Carrasco:
Great. I love it. I love it. Let's go ahead and submit that so that way they can change it.
Sheila Bella:
I think I looked it up before this interview and it said lack of success.
Daniella Carrasco:
Correct. It does. It does. And that's the reason. It's so funny, and that's what you learn.
Sheila Bella:
And that's what you learn.
Daniella Carrasco:
And it goes back to just even in children. But I love that definition. Thank you. And I really want to thank you as well for your time today, I learned so much about you, and grabbed so many good nuggets, it's what I call, just to take, and I know I've said it already, but I just hope that you know that what you're doing is just so important, and thank you for being you.
Sheila Bella:
I receive that. Thank you so much for seeing me, for seeing me. I think it's a big deal. That's one of the greatest gifts one human being can give to another, is the gift of being seen. Seeing them, noticing them, acknowledging them. So I appreciate you. Thank you so much, Daniella.
Daniella Carrasco:
Thank you.
Sheila Bella:
That's it for today's episode of Pretty Rich Podcast. If there was anything in this episode that, has impacted you in any small, or big way, I want to know. You can reach me at realsheilabella on Instagram. And by the way, if we are not text buddies yet, that needs to change. You can text my name, Sheila, S-H-E-I-L-A, to 31996, and we'll be connected. I really love hanging with you guys on here, and one last thing before we wrap it up, I've got to include my kids, right? #mom first. So here our Beau and Grey to close things out.
Beau:
Hey, my name is Beau, and I'm five years old.
Sheila Bella:
Can you tell everybody what our family motto is?
Beau:
I can do hard things.
Sheila Bella:
I can do hard things. Now fill in the blanks. Hard is...
Beau:
Fun.
Sheila Bella:
Easy is...
Beau:
Boring.
Sheila Bella:
Good job, buddy. I love you so much.
Beau:
I love you the best mom, infinity.
Sheila Bella:
Great, say, share with your friends.
Beau:
Share with your friends.
Sheila Bella:
Please review my mommy on iTunes.
Beau:
Please review mommy iTunes.
Sheila Bella:
Thanks for listening.
Beau:
Thanks for listening.
