Ep. 147: MONEY AND MARRIAGE: AN OPEN DISCUSSION WITH MY HUSBAND WILL REUSCH ABOUT WHAT ITβS LIKE TO BE MARRIED TO AN AMBITIOUS WOMAN, BEAUTY BUSINESS MARKETING STRATEGIST, AND MICROBLADER
"...it's no secret that bankruptcy and divorce, they're best friends."
Do you have a good relationship with money? Does your partner? Do you feel comfortable talking about money with your partner?
A lot of people don't - and I think that's a really big mistake. There's a lot of shame and fear around money but there doesn't have to be. I believe that in order to have a healthy, long-lasting relationship, you need to be able to have hard conversations with your partner, especially about money!
So for this episode, I brought my husband, Will Reusch, onto an IG live so we could talk all about our individual experiences with money growing up, how will handle disagreements about finances now, what it's like dating/marrying an entrepreneur, judgment from family and friends, and so much more.
Here are the episode highlights:
β£β£ [07:08] Let's get right into it: how important is it for couples to talk about money?
β£β£ [09:45] Do men tie money to their self-esteem?
β£β£ [12:59] How do you judge success in a way that isn't financial?
β£β£ [14:20] What was Will's relationship with money like growing up?
β£β£ [15:13] What was MY relationship with money like growing up?
β£β£ [15:47] How were our financial lives different?
β£β£ [18:39] What do we do when we disagree financially?
β£β£ [20:48] In our relationship, we have certain things that we feel are worth fighting for and things that aren't. Here we cover what we think is worth fighting over.
β£β£ [21:31] What helped us stop fighting over money so much?
β£β£ [23:09] I had to admit to myself that I have this need to control things around me to feel safe. Here I ask Will why he thinks I'm programmed this way.
β£β£ [26:37] Will shares his advice for couples whose biggest arguments are around money, and what to do when one partner is an entrepreneur and the other isn't.
β£β£ [37:30] Here we answer the questions: has Will ever considered quitting his job and being a stay-at-home dad, and if he ever feels like his job is more like a hobby compared to mine.
β£β£ [43:18] How do we deal with scrutiny and judgment from outsiders, both online and in our personal lives?
β£β£ [49:44] Are our families accepting of each other? How does that make us feel?
β£β£ [01:02:42] What should people ask their significant others before getting involved to help understand each other better?
SHOW ME HOW TO TALK ABOUT MONEY WITH MY PARTNER! (Listen Here)
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You can enjoy a transcript of the podcast here.
Sheila Bella:
Love and money. So, how does money affect marriage? Money problems are the number one cause of divorce in America. And money causes the most stress in relationships. And today, I am bringing on my husband, Will Reusch. And we're going to chat very openly about the fights that we've had, about the lessons we've learned, the therapy we've been through and what ticks us off about each other, and what we love about each other, and what it's really like to be married to an Alec Baldwin/shark like me.
We are going to keep it real. After we did this live, actually, we got so many comments from people like, "Whoa, you guys really laid your ish out there." Normally, is the only way, is the only way. What have we got to be embarrassed about? Nothing, nothing at all. So, if you want to hear it, you got to keep it locked in, here on Pretty Rich Podcast.
Welcome to Pretty Rich Podcast, where you're totally the heroine of your own story. I'm your host, Sheila Bella. And I've built a seven figure PMU beauty biz, and a seven figure online biz, without a degree, without a fancy website or a sugar daddy. And if you and I hang out on here long enough, you're going to start to believe that you can do it too. How about that for a side effect of listening to this podcast? Because you really can. I know you think, I don't know you. I have no idea who you are, but I do. I really, really do because I am you. I was you. And I believe we are all on the same journey together.
My perfect job didn't exist, so I created it. The job I wanted, wasn't wanting me, wanted nothing to do with me. So, I skipped the line and hired myself as CEO, just like you can. So, consider me your secret beauty biz BFF, in case you need to be reminded on a weekly basis, that power is never just handed to you, you have to take it. Are you ready, beauty boss? Let's jump in.
What's up you, guys, to another amazing episode of Pretty Rich Podcast. And today, we're going to talk all about money and marriage. Listen, the truth is money can be the number one problem in your marriage, but if you manage it correctly, if you learn how to communicate, which isn't easy to do, it can be an extreme blessing and provide a sense of security and peace in your life, and in your relationship. It's an opportunity for really understanding each other on a different level, because your relationship with money, you will bring that into your marriage relationship. And for those of you who are freaking married or in a relationship, you know that this is very, very true.
So, I'm going to bring my husband on and we're going to talk all about it. This audio is taken from an IG Live that we both did. But before I do that, I'm going to read you a review. Now, not only is this a review of this podcast, but it is also the winner of our monthly giveaway. I'm going to give away a completely free beauty business marketing course to somebody who left a five star review on iTunes. I choose a winner at the end of every month. So, if you want to grab an online course from me, if you want to score one for free, then yeah, I would really appreciate it, if you could leave a five-star review on iTunes, and at the end of every month or the beginning of every month, whatever, I choose one winner. But here's the thing, you must put your Instagram handle on there so that I know how to contact you.
Okay? So, the winner of this month, the first one of 2021, the winner of this month's giveaway is Cosmetic Tattoos by Jess. And this is what she said. She says, "The most valuable podcast." She says, "I must admit, I scrolled past this podcast when it came up on my recommendation lists, because I had no idea who Sheila was at the time. And boy, do I wish I would have started listening sooner." She says, "As a beginner in the industry, it's hard to find a platform that offers such detailed advice for free. If you are in the beauty industry and not listening, you are missing on this information that other people charge literally thousands for."
"I love the guests, Sheila brings on. They are genuine. And she has genuine connections that she forms with them. And although I don't know many people in the industry, this gives me hope that there will be other women that I can eventually have the same bonds with and that I can learn from. Listening to this podcast makes me feel like I have mentors that I know I can find online and reach out to for additional resources and advice. The information you can learn just from listening to Pretty Rich is priceless and so motivating. So, if you're like me and you're scrolling past everything on iTunes, give Pretty Rich a chance and it just might change your life."
This was so, so nice, Jessica. Thank you so, so much for taking the time to write such a thoughtful review, I will definitely be contacting you soon via Instagram, so you can choose the program of your choice. Just go to sheilabella.com/programs and check it out. We have programs on Instagram, programs on how to get new clients consistently, programs on Facebook ads, how to edit and take photos. I mean, and we have some really exciting ones coming up this month and next month as well. So, I'm super stoked about that.
Okay. I'm done with the intro. Let's get to the meat. Let's get to the meat. Let's get to the dirt, money and marriage. Hey, how are you? Hi.
Will:
Hi.
Sheila Bella:
Say, hi.
Will:
Hi.
Sheila Bella:
Dance monkey, dance. Just kidding. Why do I think that's so funny? I think it's so funny when I act mean towards people I love. I love it when I do that to Laura. Okay. Hey, guys. This is my husband, Will. Do you speak?
Will:
Sorry. It's just looks weird. I don't know if people are supposed to know you have a filter on.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. They know I have a filter on.
Will:
Okay. Yeah. It looks strange.
Sheila Bella:
My mom's on, don't say anything that she wouldn't like. Sorry. Guys, okay, so on today's episode, live episode of Pretty Rich Podcast, we're going to be chatting all about money and marriage, money and marriage. Do you like the subject of money?
Will:
Yeah. Yeah. It's probably important. I think it's something that people fight about a lot.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. So, I think it's the number one problem that a lot of people have in their marriages. I think it's no secret that bankruptcy and divorce, they're best friends.
Will:
Well, I think we've had ups and downs financially in the 10 years we've been together. And I think that they do correlate with the ups and downs we've had.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, they do. They do. It's scary.
Will:
Adds additional stress. I mean, I think that's a big part of it. And then the way out of that requires additional time commitments.
Sheila Bella:
So, also we have changed a lot as people. I think we've really changed a lot as people from when we first met to now. And I think money is a big part of our journey. It is a big part of it. So, I was listening to Dave Ramsey, love him, or hate him. So, I know you'll disagree with him, but he said some things that I agreed with. He says that women hate generalize or genderalizing. But women have a different relationship when it comes to money. They tie it a lot to security. Which when he was describing that, I can totally... You can't hear us. Can you guys hear us, before we move on? Can you guys hear us? Just give us thumbs up, if you can hear us. I wonder if it's just that one person. Okay, great. Thank you for the confirmation. Okay. Thanks, Ashley. Okay.
So, I was listening to Dave Ramsey and he said something that I felt was accurate for my personal description. He said that women tie money, associate money with security, in a way that men, not all men, obviously, just they don't have that gene. They don't have that gene. So, that's something that I can relate to. For me, I feel like that's accurate when I talk about money and security and how important money is to me, I feel like that's something that you try to understand, but it's not the same. And he also says, but I don't think this is you, that men tie it to esteem. Do you relate it to that?
Will:
Well, it's funny when you said genes. Evolutionary biology is a hobby of mine. So, it is, security is, if you look at caveman stuff. Sorry. But you go into caveman stuff, it's like-
Sheila Bella:
I'll be here.
Will:
... females are raising young, and males are out killing solitude lions and mammoth, and stuff like that. So yeah, I think there is a level there of security through finances. Okay. I'll be okay. I'll be okay, in theory, raise kids. Even if you have no desire to raise kids, I think when you said have that gene, I think that's very accurate. And you said he also says something about men, it's what?
Sheila Bella:
They associate it with esteem. They associate money with esteem. Do you relate to that?
Will:
I personally don't. And I think there's a lot of guys that don't, but I think that we're living in a society that clearly does. When you say someone is successful, it's automatically about money. And I think that the difference between someone who's brilliant and someone who's crazy, is some sort of success. Right? I mean, there's a lot of artists out there that are nuts, but if people buy their art, then they're a millionaire. So, how do you reconcile those things? So, it's tough. I get why he would say that. I think that's true.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. It's just not true for you.
Will:
Not me personally.
Sheila Bella:
Right. So, what's funny is that, that is what was attractive about you, is that you didn't tie your esteem to money. And later on, that's what was annoying about you. And I'm still super attracted to the fact that you don't tie your esteem to money. And then once in a while, if I get in a pickle or I've just stressed out, then I choose to see it as a negative.
Will:
So, like esteem, like your value as a person?
Sheila Bella:
Just esteem. I don't know what Dave Ramsey meant by that, but I think a lot of men do tie it to their value, but hopefully not their value as a human being.
Will:
Well, it might be, because how do you quantify what makes you a good person? Sorry.
Sheila Bella:
I don't think it's about being a good person. I think it's just about being, I think-
Will:
Valuable?
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. Well, in a marriage, like for a man, I think women generally, not everyone, like to feel protected. Hi, [inaudible 00:12:35]. Hi, Melisa. And you provide that for me in other ways. And also financially, because I know we'll never be homeless with you. If I decide to quit all this tomorrow and delete this account tomorrow, I'll survive. But I just don't know if I want to live like that. That's it.
Will:
Yeah. I think we look for ways to judge success. So, how do you know if your kids, if you're doing a good job as a parent? "Well, my kid got into Stanford." Well, you must be a great parent then. Maybe, I don't know, maybe that's not the way it works at all. There's a lot of, probably better metrics to use for esteem, but money can be one of them. It is quantifiable. Money is very quantifiable. So, people who like that way, just it's clear, so clear. You have to make the sale or you don't. You have to make the money or you don't.
Sheila Bella:
It is very quantifiable.
Will:
That's not side weightlifting.
Sheila Bella:
It is.
Will:
You either lift it or you don't.
Sheila Bella:
It is. It is. Sales is a muscle. We have so many questions here.
Will:
All right.
Sheila Bella:
Okay. Well, all right. Guys, we're also taking questions here. But I don't know, we have so many questions already. Okay. They want to know, I think we can start here, our origin story. Amanda says she wants to know our origin story. So, I think we should talk about our financial origin story and what it was, and then how it's helped us evolve. And then other questions like, "What made him fall in love with your heart? How has your marriage evolved? How do you support each other?" But I think we can start with our origin story, financially speaking because I think that's a big part of it. How you grew up is going to affect how you are in a relationship, in a partnership.
Will:
So, going back even before we met?
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. What was your relationship with money like?
Will:
I was suburban middle-class family in Pennsylvania, where my mom was a preschool teacher and then a social worker. My dad worked at a steel mill, and then was a consultant. And I guess I thought I was poor because we didn't have a pool. But we weren't poor, but we weren't rich. It was like a very typical American suburban household. But we never felt like we never had empty cupboards. We were never like, "Where's the next meal coming from?" We didn't go out to eat a lot. We didn't have money to go out for steak dinners, but we were doing okay. And you were different.
Sheila Bella:
We were broke a few times. We were rich and then we were poor. And then we were okay.
Will:
When you came in the country, you didn't have much.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. When we came here, we lived in a two bedroom apartment in a really bad part of town. I took you there with 10 people. And that didn't even really have real walls. I wonder about that apartment complex to this day. I can't believe there were no real walls. And also, I grew up and I remember my parents were worried about money. And so, I was worried about money as a child. So, that's another thing too. Were you ever worried about money growing up?
Will:
No. And my parents were, but it was like worried about things the way that a lot of us worry about things today, which is like, if they needed to, they had their parents, they had siblings, they had a support system in place. I breathed in some of the athletic greens. They had a support system where, if they really needed it, if they were like, "Hey, we don't have food. Can we get it?" "Yeah, you can get it." You guys are immigrants to this country. There was no safety net. There was no one you could turn to, to say like, "Hey, I really am desperate for a thousand dollars. Can I get it?"
Sheila Bella:
And then the people we did turn to turned on us.
Will:
Yeah. Or they just wouldn't do it or something like that. So, there was always that safety net that you have in the situations that I was born into, which is why I am less concerned about going broke probably than you are. You are in this mindset that it could all go away tomorrow. Or you're thinking that, no one will bail us out if we get in trouble, so we got to fend for ourselves and I have less of that.
Sheila Bella:
Great. Yeah. You should drink water. Yeah. I would say that that's accurate. Yeah. I think that you spend your whole life healing the wounds of your inner child, I suppose. So yeah, I think that plays into our adult lives and our relationship. That's why I come in with a lot of fear and you don't. You're not really scared about money.
Will:
No. I mean, it's such a white person thing to do, but I love camping. So, worst case scenario, we just camp. I don't have expensive tastes. I mean, I don't think about that. So, my best memories are our us in our one bedroom apartment or a two bedroom apartment with the kid.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, me too.
Will:
We just got this RV, because I like smaller. Smaller feels-
Sheila Bella:
Safer.
Will:
Smaller feels safer for me. Bigger feels safer for you.
Sheila Bella:
That's something we uncovered in therapy. Guys, Does this relate to you? Does smaller feel safer to you or does... I mean, bigger feels safer to me, bigger always feel safer to me.
Will:
Abundance.
Sheila Bella:
Abundance. [inaudible 00:18:18]
Will:
So, you have more. That's two different philosophies, right? If you could be Buddhist and say, get rid of all of your desires and then you don't want for anything. So, that's a piece. Or you could just be a billionaire who buys everything and doesn't want for everything. You get that same piece. You can get it in two different ways.
Sheila Bella:
Let's move on to the next question because we related. Well, I just want to get through some of this. Oh gosh, there's so many. One is, Victoria, when you have a disagreement financially, because we just bought a big house and a big RV. You wanted a small RV. I wanted a big RV. And then we ended up compromising, I think this is a medium-sized RV.
Will:
It's not.
Sheila Bella:
I would rather a bigger RV. So, Victoria was asking, who do you decide, she said, wins? Yeah. Who wins?
Will:
You win.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, I know. Can we explain that to them? I do.
Will:
You do. So, when Sheila first started making money and it was a little unexpected, because it happened very fast.
Sheila Bella:
It was unexpected.
Will:
2013 or whatever, '14. I wanted a Ford Flex, you wanted an Escalade. And we compromised and got the Escalade. So, what it really comes down to is, I just don't care about that stuff as much.
Sheila Bella:
You don't even care about how I decorate the house.
Will:
Not at all. No, no. I actively tried to not be involved in those decisions.
Sheila Bella:
I was telling you all about the tiles I chose.
Will:
Yeah. I don't care. I don't care at all, at all. So, which is good because... And this is something that I've probably struggled with in certain areas. But for the most part, I'm okay not winning because I just don't care. It's like, "Can I wear this jacket?" If you say like, "Hey, should I wear this jacket or this jacket? I just don't care. I really don't care. So, just wear whatever jacket you want. Same thing goes for the house. Same thing goes for a lot of things. Is I just, I'm giving you the win essentially, because it's not worth the fight. And then other things are not, and we fight over it.
Sheila Bella:
What is worth the fight to you? Let's do it again. What is worth the fight? Having more kids, maybe?
Will:
Having more kids, spending less time, you working less, us doing more outdoorsy stuff, going camping with kids, doing dangerous stuff with the kids.
Sheila Bella:
Oh, that is worth the fight.
Will:
That kind of stuff.
Sheila Bella:
Then somebody asks, what is the number one thing we fight about? I'd say probably that.
Will:
Why?
Sheila Bella:
Well, for me, it's you doing dangerous things or taking the kids out into [crosstalk 00:21:18] dangerous things.
Will:
Yeah. Because we disagree about dangerous things.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, we do.
Will:
Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
We do. Is that the number one thing we fight about? We fight about money, but not as much anymore.
Will:
Yeah. Now, we don't fight about money anymore. We did.
Sheila Bella:
Right. Yeah, we did. What do you think it was that helped us to not fight about money anymore? I mean, I have an answer. I think it's you giving in. No, I think it's self-awareness and acceptance of just how we are programmed.
Will:
I think it's also having it. Sorry. I think it does. I think that matters. I think part of it is having the money.
Sheila Bella:
That's true.
Will:
We were fighting over, the overhead costs of our life was very high. We had a lot of employees. We had a lot of things. We had a lot of bills. We had a lot going on. And it was a lot.
Sheila Bella:
I'm not having it too, we'd fight over that. Remember when I first started Sheila Bella, I was really worried. And we came back from San Diego with Kate and Tim. And then all of a sudden that day, I got a bunch of bookings for the very first time. Right. So, we fought about that, about it then too. You didn't seem to be worried, and I was.
Will:
Yeah. But I think that was part of it. Also, just getting through it. I don't know. I don't know what changed in us.
Sheila Bella:
Really? I think it's self-awareness. Well, for me, I've just accepted that I do want my way more and not to be ashamed of that because-=
Will:
Well, that's just not money.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, but we're talking about money right now.
Will:
Okay. Yeah. So, we're talking about just general control issues, then yes, I would agree.
Sheila Bella:
We fight less because I've finally admitted to you and to myself, and to here, and to everybody else that I have a need for control.
Will:
Yep.
Sheila Bella:
Why do you think God programmed me that way? Because it is how I'm programmed. I don't know.
Will:
Oh, you're number eight or whatever.
Sheila Bella:
Well, just my programming. Yeah.
Will:
I think it's partially that I think also coming from, this is something that people from various backgrounds that had, sometimes trauma, sometimes a lot of different things is, you want to get of your situation when you're in situations that are out of control. You're used to situations that are typically just out of control, unstable. So, you want to stabilize it, because you're just used to this, the ground always shaking. A lot of your childhood was like that, a lot of your relationships were like that. So, I just want to, just give me the rain, so I can control it, so I can balance this out. I think that's a part of it.
And I've had crazy stuff happen too, but I just don't, I guess I try to embrace the... I don't need the stability. I embrace the-
Sheila Bella:
The ride.
Will:
... the ride more.
Sheila Bella:
When you're high, you just go with it.
Will:
I don't know, you should tell me.
Sheila Bella:
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The three things that every business owner needs in order to grow are, strategy, systems and support. You can't grow without all three, strategy, systems and support. Enter Pretty Rich Bosses, my one-on-one coaching program that helps beauty entrepreneurs, just like you scale their businesses. So, if you feel like a factory worker, brows, lash, brows, slash, brows, lash, and you know that you're just surviving, but not really living, I can help get you there, with just a little bit of guidance.
We are offering complimentary 60 minute strategy calls. All you need to do is go to sheilabella.com/apply, that's sheilabella.com forward/apply. Do something the others aren't doing. Invest in yourself, invest in your business. Stop asking for advice from people who haven't done it themselves. Super easy, type in your information. And someone from my team will get back to you and set up that free call right away.
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Okay. So, somebody commented, "I finally accepted." This is how I am. You go, girl, just accept it. Tell your partner. "Money right now is my hubby's and I biggest argument." So, we have a few people who are seeking some advice.
Will:
Well, the thing that I was going to talk about at the summit, and still will when that happens is, I'm not an entrepreneur. You are. So, what you have to do is, and this was hard, is you really have to just put faith in your partner. But then that puts pressure on, so just you can interchange with the ladies watching or entrepreneurs watching, is I need to become your biggest fan and your biggest supporter, which I have and I have been. Because it's like, "All right, you want this? Okay, I'm going all in on you. I got to trust that you got this."
Sheila Bella:
And especially in the beginning, I didn't sometimes.
Will:
Right. Yeah. But you figure it out. That adds pressure to you, but it also is going to be the way that... I'm not sure it's-
Sheila Bella:
Right now they can see.
Will:
But it's going to be, I forget what I was saying, but I think that you have to really get support from your partner. And if you are the entrepreneur and he's not, he has a stable job, like I have a 9:00 to 5:00, then you got to just be like, all right. For me, I'm like, "All right, babe, you got this, this is all on you."
Sheila Bella:
How would you advise somebody, because we have those people, you guys have husbands, most of the women here who are watching? I serve women. Do you guys have husbands who are not entrepreneurial, that you guys have issues around? So, somebody asked, "Has he always been on board with the entrepreneurial life? My partner doesn't get to that level of hustle." Somebody else is asking, "How can I get my husband on board with my vision for my company when he has a completely different vision?"
Will:
Those are great questions.
Sheila Bella:
So, that's a very common marriage... Nothing is wrong with you guys. That's very normal. And that's something that we gone through as well. What would your advice be to those women?
Will:
So, it depends on where you're at. When it started off, I thought that you were going to be successful. I didn't know what that meant though. I was hoping that you could make a hundred thousand dollars a year.
Sheila Bella:
That's what we were talking about.
Will:
And we were like, if you could make a hundred thousand dollars a year, we're set. Because I have a teacher's salary. Together we're going to be set. But yeah, I doubted you when you were doing things, when you're doing certain film shoots, when you were doing a lot of different things. I was like, "This is a waste of money and stuff. But what do I know?
So, I think guys, we have an ego with us that we want to be the provider. So, we want to make sure that you don't make bad decisions and things like that. But I got to let go of, because there are things that I'm good at that you're not. And there are things that you're good at that I'm not. It just happens to be that you're in a more masculine field of entrepreneurship. So yeah, it's not clearly a masculine, but has that masculine energy, that I have to basically just support you. And I have to just be like, "All right, you do what you need to do." You need to get on board.
But then for the entrepreneurs out there, that's additional pressure, because if you screw up, I'm also the one who's like, "You did what? You lost this. You lost this. What were you thinking? Why didn't you do it that way?" It's a lot easier to be the critic. It's like the Teddy Roosevelt thing. The man in the arena is the one who we admire, it's not the critic. But a lot of times I think husbands, we are a critic when things go go poorly. And it's out of care. It's out of love. It's out of concern. But I think we do that. But you need to try and get as much encouragement for your partner as you can.
Sheila Bella:
I mean, I wouldn't have been able to do it without you, for sure. Even just mentally, you've really developed me. You've really helped develop me. You've had everything to do with who I am and how I show up.
Will:
Different personalities. Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
Absolutely. So, we have some questions here. Okay. "Did you ever think she would be so successful and leave you? I feel like that's how my hubby feels." Do you feel that way?
Will:
No.
Sheila Bella:
I know, he doesn't even care.
Will:
I would care if you left.
Sheila Bella:
I know. But you're not even [inaudible 00:30:52].
Will:
No, because I think that well also-
Sheila Bella:
You're very secure.
Will:
I think it goes the other way. I think this also goes back to gender roles. I think a rich dude has no problems finding some lady that's down for that kind of lifestyle. I think rich women, it's not the same thing. Guys, aren't really that motivated by wealth. "Oh, she's busted, she's gross, she's an asshole. She's all these things. But she's rich, so I'm with her." It doesn't really go, but it'll go the other way, a lot easier.
Sheila Bella:
That's true.
Will:
So, I think that it'd probably be a bigger fear for women. Again, these are generalizations.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, generalizations.
Will:
But it'll be a bigger fear for women to say like, "If he makes it really rich, he's going to leave me because..." Yeah, that sucks. I mean, power reveals.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. That's all money does. I don't think money is evil, I think it just reveals. Yeah.
Will:
Yeah. So, no, I wasn't worried about you. I think that probably a more accurate way to understand it would be, I was concerned that it would reflect I'm not good enough for her. I didn't think that you would leave, but if you are super successful, and then I am just a bum, then I just feel like crap, you should leave. I didn't think you would. But or people would say like, "Oh, what's she doing with him because he's a loser?” I think there's an element of that, but that's ego. That's our own kind of shit that we need to deal with as men. I think that that's more than like you'd actually leave and marry Grant Cardone or something. I'm just not concerned of that.
Sheila Bella:
No, I can't. There's only one room. There's only one Grant Cardone in this house, and it's me. That's it. No more Alec Baldwins.
Will:
Well, it's nice that we're in our separate spheres.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. I agree.
Will:
I play in the education, intellectual spaces. You play in the entrepreneurial market money spaces. They overlap a little bit, but not a lot. I think that helps. It's like, actors, and they're always breaking up because they're in the same field. And then who's more successful? How's out trying to make money online and stuff like that.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. That's true.
Will:
Then it would be like, "Oh, you're better than me." Then that might be issue.
Sheila Bella:
That must be a different wrinkle for couples that are in the same field, doing the same thing. Yeah. I'm sure.
Will:
Who's better at it.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. I'm so glad we don't have that.
Will:
No.
Sheila Bella:
So, side note, I was watching The Bachelor. Oh my God, you were enjoying that with me. Thank you so much.
Will:
Am into it. I don't like the other one.
Sheila Bella:
The Bachelorette.
Will:
The Bachelorette. I don't like that show.
Sheila Bella:
Thank you so much. Okay. So, and the guy that's on there, what's his name? Matt James, or something like that. He's so sweet. He's so sweet. And I just feel like, I don't know, I just don't think you compare to any other man. No, like, "It's a lie because it's Valentine's Day." No, you really don't.
Will:
[inaudible 00:34:08]
Sheila Bella:
It will be. Don't forget.
Will:
I might. Yeah. Well, thank you.
Sheila Bella:
No, really. I was telling you this last night, it's really hard for me to respect other guys. It's really, really hard. Just intellectually. I just feel smarter. I feel like that is what has, you've held my attention and my respect because my ex-husband wasn't able to do that, because just you're my match. You're my intellectual match.
Will:
Yeah. I mean, I think it has less to do with me and more do with us. It has less to do with you. You're so great. It's more like you're great for me. And I think that's probably a good lesson. Sorry. But there's a lot of people that would not be okay being in relationship with you.
Sheila Bella:
Of course.
Will:
And vice versa. So, what it is, it's there's someone out there that's your right fit. I tell this to my teenagers all the time like, "You're weird, you're gross. You have all these things."
Sheila Bella:
We're all teenagers. Give us the advice. We're all teenagers.
Will:
By the way, I'm a teacher. It's not like I just talked to friends, teenagers at the mall. But there's someone, with all of your weird little peccadilloes, all those weird little things in you, you have red toes or you have a weird snaggletooth or something like that. Someone's going to love that stuff about you. Someone's going to really dig those unique, weird things that make you, you. It's like that scene in a Good Will Hunting. That's something that I think you just find that... It's like the things that other people have always thought were weird about you or gross about you, or a turn off, if you find those things as to be the attractive things, that's how I know you're the one.
Sheila Bella:
That's what you're talking about.
Will:
I give that advice to kids all the time. If I date a girl who had a little bit bigger ears or something like that. Who cares about ears? But for me, it was like, "These weird Dumbo ears." And you have things like that all the time with your rotten spot up here and all kinds of... You have all of these weird little things about. You walk like a duck, whatnot. And all of these things, I find very adorable and attractive. And that's gold, is when you find those flaws to be attractive.
Sheila Bella:
Oh yeah.
Will:
And that just comes naturally. It's not something I had to work for.
Sheila Bella:
Do you think that advice holds up in after 10 years of being together, like in more mature marriages? Does that advice hold up?
Will:
I can only speak for 10 years. That's how long we've been together.
Sheila Bella:
Who knows about 11?
Will:
I'm not grossed out. You do gross things.
Sheila Bella:
I do.
Will:
And so, but I'm not grossed out by them. And it's been 10 years. So, I don't know. I don't know. I think if anything, you become less gross. If anything, if you would fart or something like that, it's like less, because I just don't... I just love you. I know you better. We've built a family together. There's so much depth there, that superficial things like big ears or a smelly fart or something like that, just doesn't doesn't matter.
Sheila Bella:
I have small ears and my farts don't-
Will:
Exist. Right.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. I don't do that. Oh, we had a question here. Somebody asked, "Have you ever considered quitting your job and being a stay-at-home dad?" Somebody did. And to that same point, "How do you feel about having being married to somebody who is more financially successful? And does it make you feel like your job is more of a hobby now?"
Will:
Yeah, it's a good question.
Sheila Bella:
Good question. I told you bring it. We're not offended.
Will:
No, I'm hard to offend.
Sheila Bella:
I told them, you didn't even watch my stories. I said that.
Will:
I love my job. I really do. I really love it. And it's awesome experience because I'm teaching high school. It's not like I have a cubicle job that I'm data analyst or something like that. I'm not middle management. It's a job where I interact with young people. I write curriculum for things that I really enjoy. I get in a lot of interesting conversations with people. I really dig it. And I would do it for free. But I get paid for it. And so, I wouldn't want to give that up. I love having the freedom of summers off and things like that. So, I spend a lot of time with the kids. I love doing stuff with the boys. But I wouldn't want to quit my job. Does it feel like more of a hobby? Maybe.
Sheila Bella:
There's some freedom for you though.
Will:
Maybe. But the business in 10 years, it's going up and down. So, there's been times where we need my paycheck. And then other times we're like, "Oh yeah, you have a paycheck." So, I think that it offers some stability. I really enjoy it. It might feel a little bit more like a hobby, because I don't technically need to do it.
Sheila Bella:
I mean, I love that you love your job. I mean, I feel like there's nothing more attractive than a partner who's passionate about their lives. And there's nothing more unattractive than a partner who has no purpose or has no passion for their lives. And that's why me and my first husband didn't get along just right. So, it's I love that you love your job. I wouldn't want that, anyway. You wake up, well, these days, earlier than I do to go for long runs. That's a very attractive quality to me. On Saturday, I felt like crap. And you ended up filming for your YouTube channel. And that's work. You're very consistent. And I kept telling you while we were filming it, I said, I really admire your consistency.
I think, especially for entrepreneurs and hard workers, what's attractive to us, I'm speaking for us, sorry, it's my show, what's attracted to us is being a go getter. And it doesn't even matter what that is in. It's very unattractive when someone just watches. To me, I hate downtime and I don't really get along with people who love downtime.
Will:
I'm not, but let's just say you're the best teacher in the world. What does that look like? It doesn't scale. Okay? It's really hard. You'd have to start your own charter school. Do you write a book? But you have to get into something else. If you're the best at sales or you're the best at microblading, you're the best, your salon is unbelievable, it's very quantifiable again, where it pays off in money. You're the greatest firefighter. You could be super hard working. You can run the hoses out. You can do all this kind of stuff. You save lives. But that doesn't really show in a paycheck. It's really hard to measure that kind of stuff. So, but it's still hard work. And you go out and you work out really hard. You become an ultra marathon runner, Ironman triathlete or something like that. It's hard. It's just, you can be working harder even than an entrepreneur. It just it doesn't result in the same financial results. So, it's again, how do we judge these things in society?
Sheila Bella:
Well, that is part of the element that makes me feel very secure and very stable. I think it's just those qualities that, I guess, it's makes me feel secure. It's not even, are you making a lot of money right now? It's that, if ever I am in a pinch and we need it, I know you're the type of person who can wake up at 4:00 in the morning and go hustle. I know you would. I know you're not afraid of hard work. Thus our family-
Will:
Because I'm doing it for free.
Sheila Bella:
Because you're doing it for free. You do a lot of hard things for free. Tell them about your four by four by 48 real quick. And then we'll move on to these questions.
Will:
I'm doing a David Goggins' Stay Hard Challenge. I'm doing a David Goggins' Stay Hard Challenge, I'm going to try-
Sheila Bella:
I didn't know it's called Stay Hard.
Will:
Yeah. That's like this whole thing. I like doing physical things. So, it's on March 5th, it's just difficult things.
Sheila Bella:
Five, six and seven.
Will:
It's starting at 8:00 PM on Friday, I'm going to run four miles. And then four hours later, I'm going to run another four miles. And then four hours later, I'm going to run a four mile. So, you do four miles, every four hours for 48 hours. So, you do 48 miles in two days. And I'm going to try and do that with a fundraiser and things like that. And you don't really sleep much. And it's probably going to be hard.
Sheila Bella:
Pray for me that weekend, you guys, because-
Will:
I'll be pleasant.
Sheila Bella:
Well, I'm staying away from you.
Will:
Why?
Sheila Bella:
I'm going to film you from afar.
Will:
Why?
Sheila Bella:
I think you should sleep.
Will:
You might want a smooch or something.
Sheila Bella:
Okay. So many questions here. "How do you deal with scrutiny from outsiders?" We have some more specific questions about that because this particular person is wondering how do you deal with scrutiny in our marriage and also on your social media?
Will:
Yeah. People have a lot of opinions. So, when I married you or was even dating you, there's a lot, people thought you were a porn star. People thought that you were trash.
Sheila Bella:
Not true. Not a porn star.
Will:
You were dumb. Oh, you're like Brittany on The Bachelorette.
Sheila Bella:
Bachelor.
Will:
Bachelor. So, people, this is a good entrepreneur thing is like, people aren't going to get it until you're successful. And Kevin O'Leary on Shark Tank said if Elon Musk would have walked in here and pitched his idea about batteries, it'd been like, "No." So, no one gets it. That's what's really nice about, you got to get your partner on board. If you're trying to do well in entrepreneurship, that's sales, you've got to sell your partner first on this idea. And that you're the person that they should have faith in because people aren't going to get it. You got a lot of hate and ridicule and people rolling their eyes and everything like that.
Sheila Bella:
What did they say to you, Will? Tell them, what did they say to you?
Will:
About you?
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. When you say, "I'm dating this girl. Her name is Sheila Ferrari, I think I want to marry her."
Will:
Well, just that you want a lot of attention. They're not good reasons. But essentially, that you're so outgoing, it's off-putting.
Sheila Bella:
Yes. Those were the words.
Will:
Yes. There's not good reasons to... Even when you were, before Sheila Bella and everything like that, it's not a good reason to not like someone because they're outgoing. That's not a great reason. It's not a good reason to not like somebody. But people didn't like you because you just, you got a lot of attention, and you were loud and you were not self-conscious. That's my pen.
Sheila Bella:
You're going to poke me in the eye.
Will:
I'm not going to poke you in the eye.
Sheila Bella:
Okay.
Will:
But there is last words.
Sheila Bella:
Danger. It's dangerous. Just don't do the dangerous things, please.
Will:
Okay.
Sheila Bella:
It's a HYVE Beauty pen, everyone, shameless plug. Use the code, Sheila15 for 15% off at hyvebeauty.com. Okay. So yeah, I'm off putting.
Will:
Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
You know what? I got criticism for dating you too.
Will:
What?
Sheila Bella:
A little bit.
Will:
Bullshit.
Sheila Bella:
But it wasn't to the point that you were getting about me. Well, the very first words my dad said, when I said that I was dating a school teacher, and he was the one I was choosing, I was dating around a lot, is the first words he said was, "Starvation salary, starvation salary." I remember sitting on my dad's bed and I was like, "So, I really like this school teacher." "What?" And then he's like, "Oh, starvation salary." So I was like, you know what I said? I said, "I don't need to own a home." I went in my room and I was like, "I don't need to own a home. I'm very happy." I was like, "I don't need that." And it you threw a wrench in my plans. I was going to be a housewife, one of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
Will:
You could have. You just can't buy Valentino shoes on a teacher's salary. That's the problem.
Sheila Bella:
I think that's true. We'd be in the outskirts of Beverly Hills, right? I could. And what else? I think you're very likable. I think my friends all liked you. Michael Mundo, after I introduced him to you though, he whispered in my ear on his way out and he was like, "He's cute. Buy him clothes." That's it. And I bought you clothes. You know what I did?
Will:
Why would you buy new clothes when you have clothes that work?
Sheila Bella:
No, no, no, no. Even these mesh shorts right now, this doesn't even match. He should at least be wearing like gray or black.
Will:
Well, I teach on Zoom. So, I teach you, you only see this.
Sheila Bella:
You are not paying attention to my framing, Will. Yeah. So, how did you deal with scrutiny in the beginning of our relationship when your parents said, or fine I'll say it, that I was off putting?
Will:
Well, even stuff like, "Oh, she puts everything on social media, social media, social media."
Sheila Bella:
Then they were grateful that that was the most photographed shore vacation they've ever had. And now they look back at those photos with [inaudible 00:48:00].
Will:
Yes. I'm not talking about that.
Sheila Bella:
Okay. What are you talking about?
Will:
Just in general, just the idea of like, "She's always taking pictures of herself and everything like that." It's like, well, but that's building a brand that's going to become a corporation that employs, whatever, tens of people. It's like, well, if you see it now, it's like, oh, well you need social media to... You were on the social media trend in 2005, building a brand that you didn't even have a business for yet. But it was you were putting these things together, and other people only see like that in the moment. So yeah, people don't get it. People don't get permanent makeup. I didn't get permanent makeup. I was like, tattooing makeup. That sounds crazy. That sounds stupid. That's bad. You got to just stay on it. Then someone said like, "Forget what people say. or fuck the haters or whatever."
And I think it's good to be self-aware. It's good to be aware of, what are they saying? So, you can go like, "Is that correct?" You don't want to ignore all of that. You don't want to be in an echo chamber. You want to hear them, but then you go like, "Nope." Or use that as motivation like "I'll show you my success." But no one saw you coming, as far as like your success. I don't think. I mean, maybe a few family members or something like that. But very few people, maybe a few of your friends. But even like Julie, who loves you to the core, I don't know if she saw your ability to run a business the way that you do. I don't even know if you saw it. So, I think it has to happen over time. And then, you have faith in people though. I didn't know what it would look like, but I had faith in you and I trusted you, and I love you. So, it's whatever this turns into, I will be okay.
Sheila Bella:
And I did what I could to be accepted by your family. And that's the next question. "Do your families like your partner?"
Will:
Have you always had support from close friends and family? No.
Sheila Bella:
No.
Will:
No.
Sheila Bella:
Like business wise? No. No.
Will:
Even personality wise and [crosstalk 00:50:14].
Sheila Bella:
Personality wise, no.
Will:
But what was the question?
Sheila Bella:
Do your families like your spouse? And whatever that question the answer is, how does that make you feel? How does that make me feel?
Will:
Your family likes me. My family is mixed.
Sheila Bella:
My family likes you. Your family is mixed. Some of them don't like me.
Will:
But the reason they don't like you is actually it's, I would have reasons not to like you. You've done mean things to me. And you said things and done things that I don't like. They don't even have good reasons. It's really superficial, really.
Sheila Bella:
If you can get over it.
Will:
Yeah. You've only been really sweet to people and they don't like you.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Will:
Again, you're just not everyone's cup of tea. You're really sparkly. You're really loud. You've high energy. And some people are just, they're Northeastern, Northeast, like liberal educated, that kind of crew. It's like there's a certain way to act and you should act that way. And I don't mean just even liberal, just politically, but it's just like, this is the way you are, this is the way you're supposed to do it. And then you don't. And you're out there and weird. So, I think it's just, it challenges a lot of people to think about themselves.
Sheila Bella:
How does it makes you feel? What are the challenges to you? I think people want to know, does it ever creep in the back of your mind? Because you're programmed like them, but then all of a sudden you're the one that's accepting of this, does that play into your... is that in the back of your mind?
Will:
No.
Sheila Bella:
When I'm being a B word, "That's what my family is talking about right there." Do you ever think that way?
Will:
Yeah. Because it's rooted in truth. The way that you are, your general personality, the amount that you work, your focus on business over other things as a top priority, yeah. I mean, I think that's things will people judge, but it's also things that have come with inconvenience. This is the most that we've talked in months.
Sheila Bella:
It's not true. Shut up.
Will:
I mean, so I think that there is some element of that though. That where I'm like, well, everyone is on board that what you're doing is bad. Is it?
Sheila Bella:
Why is it? And at the same time, and this is natural, I think for couples, in weak moments, especially when I'm stressed out about money, and I've been at fault for this, I go back to that day that my dad said, starvation salary, and I do the ugly thing. And I'm like, "You are a starvation salary." No, I say like, well... Especially when you're stressed, it's not good.
Will:
Well, and you said things like, "Oh, I wish you could just save me from this situation. I wish you made more money." And stuff like that. It sucks. Because you knew what you were getting into.
Sheila Bella:
It's really hard. Right. And I'm not proud of that. I'm not. But those are feelings that are there, especially, I put so much pressure on myself to produce a lot. So, somebody else is asking, "How have your value systems evolved?" Because I mean, I think this is the happiest I've ever been in our marriage personally.
Will:
Yeah. Things are good. I think that, well, we have kids now. We have a family now. We have, I mean, that makes a big difference. We have a network of friends that's wonderful. So, I think that it was a lot more carefree before we had kids, before we had responsibilities of the business. When the business was one or two employees, it was one thing, when it's 20 or more, then it's a different thing. I think that we would, I mean, we'd have Sundays where we just do nothing.
Sheila Bella:
I remember that. And then we'd stay in bed.
Will:
Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Will:
I mean, if there is a life, we just had a lot of downtime. We went on vacations just for fun. And there was no work to be done. And so, I think the priorities changed because when you take on a ton of responsibilities. And it's hard to turn it back like the Grateful Dead, like the band. And when Jerry Garcia was really sick, his doctors were like, "You got to go easy. You got to take a break from this touring." And he's like, "I can't take a break. We tour. That's what the Grateful Dead does. There's thousands of people that rely on us for their paychecks. I can't." And then he ended up dying.
And I do have concerns about that. But that's where our priorities have changed is like, we got to keep this thing afloat. And it's not just about you and me now. It's not about you and me, it's about kids. It's about our families that we're providing for to some one degree or another. And then it's all of the employees that all of this is hinging on you working a lot. So, our priorities have gone to be less selfish, I think.
Sheila Bella:
You've been a lot more lax about me working a lot lately. Where's that coming from? You've been really okay with it. I have organized my day though, where I take weekends off or I really try.
Will:
You work a lot. You're going to work a lot either way. Nothing can stop you. It's just, people watch your stuff, unstoppable. She's unstoppable. So, I can't stop her. So, I either have to leave you or deal with that. And I don't want to leave you, so I'm dealing with it.
Sheila Bella:
That's romantic.
Will:
You got to embrace it.
Sheila Bella:
That's sweet, I guess.
Will:
Yeah. Well, it's who you are. So, you're going to be going for it, killing it, growing, growing your business and doing, growing in success, no matter what. So, I need to embrace it.
Sorry, but I also did see the impact that you've had positively on so many people. My family never employed anyone. So, I really understand the idea that the greatest charity you can give someone is a job, is employment.
Sheila Bella:
I keep saying that.
Will:
I mean, there are so many people, people that you got off the pole, that single mom that really need help. There's all these people that I was like, "Wow." When there are tears in their eyes, "Thank you so much for giving me this job." That's something I just never was aware of. So, now I go, "Okay, well, you got to work a lot, so that we can do a lot of good in the world." That's the way that I'm seeing it.
Sheila Bella:
So, someone else asked, what defines success? When will you stop? So, somebody asked me that.
Will:
I ask you that too.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, you do. I feel like the success to me is freedom of, it's options, being able to choose when you want to work, where you want to work on, and how. I think it's options. So, which I think, and I think a lot of people, and I get this a lot, you guys, sometimes from students, they say that they're really overwhelmed with what I have going on and taking it on feels very overwhelming for them. I get it. And I also think that if you're overwhelmed by it to a point where you can't spend time with your family and you can't clock out, means you did it wrong.
I do think that in the beginning, there is that sprint. There is that sprint, there's that hustle, there's that grind. But then I think if you learn how to delegate, and if you train your team really well, that provides a lot of freedom for you. And me in growing this company, I keep telling Will, you guys can hold me to this, that I'm like, I'm going to slow down, and I have been slowing down. I'm not doing a lot of the things. That graphic for this show, I didn't even do that. And I just like, all right, whatever.
Will:
You are. But also, that's part of, because I've been putting a lot of pressure on you to do that. I'm not saying you don't want to.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. No, but I want to delegate it too.
Will:
Yes. But you'd have very easily could have just stayed on that super grind, if you didn't have me for the past several years being like, "Hey, we've got to have some, not exit strategy, but some sort of pulling back strategy.
Sheila Bella:
But the more you hire, the more money you make, the more freedom you have.
Will:
Absolutely.
Sheila Bella:
And then, but for a lot of people, that's-
Will:
Yeah. No, I hear you. But I think that became a priority because I was vocal about it, that had some part of that. So, for couples, it's like, if you are working a lot, it's like, "All right. So, for how long? What's the end goal? What are we trying to do here?" So, you have a plan, some exit strategy. Because you can't work, whatever you do, 80 hours a week or more, a hundred hours a week, can't do that forever. You're going to burn out. And it's not going to be good for raising kids. It's not going to be good for our marriage. It's not even good for a lot of things.
So, you look at it like, "Okay, we're going to do it until this time. I have this working, so that I can hire this person so they can take this. So, I can delegate here this way." Then I'll delegate this. Then I'll delegate this. Then I'll delegate this. And then now I can step back and just, I can be out at my kid's game and just be on the phone and like, just put out fires. And as opposed to just doing it all yourself, which you've done. You did everything yourself.
Sheila Bella:
I was microblading myself.
Will:
Yeah, but not just that, you were answering the phones. You did the voicemail. I mean, you built this business from the ground, ground up. You designed the studio. You did everything from the ground up, returned all the calls, dealt with upset customers. You did all of it, which is great because now you can help people for what to do when they're getting started. But now at this point you have enough people around you, Laura and others that you can just be like, "All right, here, here, here, here, here. You do this."
Sheila Bella:
Oh my gosh, I love my team. I love my team. So, somebody asked, if you saved, you would have had investments that you would have made. And you'd be capable of letting everything go and potentially living on passive income. That's true. Like a slow exit. Shay, I'll say, I'd like to speak on that, is that I have, I just built a new company. So, I'm talking about the company that isn't super established. I think Sheila Bella Microblading is pretty hands-off for me.
Will:
Yeah. And you're handing it off to someone else because that is your baby. That's what they're saying. That you built this thing, but you have almost like, yeah, this is your baby, but at some point you got to let them go. They got to go off to college. We have two other babies in the room.
Sheila Bella:
They shouldn't be on the breast for ever. And that's what I find a lot of entrepreneurs are doing. Their businesses are still on the breast.
Will:
Yeah. It's the mom that doesn't want their kid to live at home their whole life. I mean, it really is. And at some point, if your business is going to grow, it has to grow beyond you. Elon Musk is not in the lab anymore tinkering with rockets. He knows how no. I mean, he knows how to code. I don't think he's doing a lot of coding. So, at some point you have to delegate. It's the only way to grow. So, you have to let go of that baby, the same way that your kids, the only way they're going to grow, is if you let them go out and fall down and make mistakes.
Sheila Bella:
"It's a hard call, Sheila, She says, "It's totally okay to be a mother, wife and hungry business woman. What if your soul needs you to grind this hard?" You think my soul needs me to grind this hard? I just like doing hard things. But I want to know what I'm capable of. And I just, I've learned so much about who I am, well just over the last year.
Will:
Well, it's nice to be good at something too. When you find something that you're really good at, more than that, and this is, again, something I tell students is like, find the thing that you love working hard at. You work a lot, a lot.
Sheila Bella:
Reels, I love working hard at reels.
Will:
Yeah. But it's a lot of work, but you like it. Making reels, that's like the punishment for shoplifting to some people. That sounds terrible. Make a bunch of reels where you make transitions from the outfits and stuff, it's makes you want to throw up. But you like it. So, I think you find those things that working hard, you like the work, not finding things that you like to do, not everything that you'd like to do is a business, but finding the things that you really like working hard at, you're going to beat the competition.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Will:
If they're in it just for money or they're in it for some other reasons, it's not going to work because you enjoy that grind. Find the grind you enjoy. And you found that. It'd be a shame for you to give that up.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. Oh, thank you for recognizing that. I think G had a question, but I didn't see it. I'm scrolling back. Here we go. Here we go. Okay. So, it's going to be an hour. Instagram, lets you go just a little bit more by the way. Last question. So, is there anything that we can advise our friends out there, Beau says, boyfriends, so anything that we can advise our friends out there to ask their significant others? Oh gosh, G, next episode, G. To ask their significant others before getting involved in a relationship or even just like, just to try to understand each other, if they've been in a relationship for a long time.
So for me, I think the answer to that is I think it's important to know what motivates your spouse. Their relationship with money is going to play a part in your marriage. So, and also asking your spouse like, "What do you value? Do you value downtime or do you value things? Do you value experiences? If you had unlimited money, what would you do with it?" Just asking questions like that. Where do you think we differed in the beginning and you weren't aware? When we were in that honeymoon stage where you're like, "Oh my God, this is the perfect person. She has no flaws."
Will:
Where we differed?
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. Where did we differ?
Will:
Differ on something.
Sheila Bella:
Where did we differ in the beginning? And then the night after the honey, the day after the honeymoon, when you woke up, hung over, you're like, "Oh my gosh, what did I do?"
Will:
I think a big thing was, there's trauma around money too. And you wanted a seat at the table because I got a seat at the table.
Sheila Bella:
You're born at the table.
Will:
I'm white Anglo-Saxon Protestant.
Sheila Bella:
Worst.
Will:
Everyone is educated in my family. I'm all those things. I had a colleague growing up in a white picket fence. I'm like the poster boy, okay, for privilege and all that stuff. So, I think when you came in there, you wanted to seat at that table. And so, to do that, you thought you had to get designer things. And that was a big thing.
Sheila Bella:
[inaudible 01:05:07] in the beginning.
Will:
We fought a lot over you buying the expensive shoes, the expensive purses, the expensive dresses. And I think that was something that you had to go through. I think a lot of women probably, I think men do it for sure too, they buy like, "Why are you buying the Lamborghini? Do you like the engineering of it?" "No."
Sheila Bella:
Snob.
Will:
I'm a car snob. People want it for just to get a seat at the table, so they're seen as legitimate.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Will:
And I think you have to recognize that element. What is the trauma around money, if you're talking about specifically around money?
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. What does money mean to you? Money to me was my ticket, was something that validated me.
Will:
And made you legitimate in America.
Sheila Bella:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Will:
And I'd never had that feeling like I needed to get that. So, that was a huge difference the way we had money. I'm more frugal. You're pretty frugal now. But I was really like, "Let's not spend the money, let's save it. Let's put it in some account. And we'll retire early or something like this. Let's not go out for steak dinners. Let's just get..."
Sheila Bella:
I wanted those experiences.
Will:
You wanted the luxuries. Yeah. And I was angry about those luxuries a lot because I thought it was wasteful. And it was. But it was like a process that you go through. It's like you got to pay your tuition to learn those lessons. And I didn't have to learn those lessons because of just my situation. But you did and you came out better because of it, because you actually learned it. You weren't just told that you had to experience that. And we learned the hard lessons, I think a lot more. They get a lot more solidified than learning just by someone else telling us.
Sheila Bella:
This was, I think our understanding of each other is a lot of talking, a lot of talking. Because for you to even get to that level of understanding me, I don't know.
Will:
Yeah. We fought a lot.
Sheila Bella:
I don't know if couples fight, [inaudible 01:07:03].
Will:
We fight a lot. We go to therapy. We talk a lot. We do a lot of like... Yeah. I mean, it's a lot of work. It's a lot of work. So, everything is a lot of work.
Sheila Bella:
It's all hard.
Will:
People say, why are marriages such hard work? It's like, you go to the gym? Yeah. Why don't you just give up on your marriage? Why don't you just give up going to the gym? It's like, "Well, because I want the results." Yeah. Well, you got to work at this marriage, if you want the result. If you want a good marriage, you can do it. You just got to hustle. And the same way that if you want to anything, good business, you just got to hustle. You can find ways to be more successful than you are in anything, including your marriage. You just got to work at it. And it's hard. It's really hard.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. It was hard to open up in the beginning, because especially at the beginning of any relationship, because you're not sure, you're afraid of rejection.
Will:
Oh, in the beginning?
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. In the beginning. There are some things like-
Will:
It's like the game of Poker, we got-
Sheila Bella:
My plastic surgery, I did not tell you about it. I was like, "My breasts are real." No, I didn't tell you that. That's obviously so fake. But I had other plastic surgery that I totally hid from you.
Will:
You did.
Sheila Bella:
Next episode. But now after 10 years, hopefully I think it's more relaxing to just be open with each other. What I've found is that it's less work to be. They're both work. Not being open is work, but being open is actually less. But that's the conundrum. That's the trap. People think that it's more work to be open. It's actually not. Try it. Try it. Just say it. Oh no, we're going to cause a lot of fights tonight.
Will:
Well, you have a toothache, you got to go to the dentist. And you could ignore it, ignore it, ignore it, but eventually your tooth is going to rot out of your head. So, if there's something going on in your marriage, you got to address it. But I mean, I don't know if we're giving marriage advice. I don't know.
Sheila Bella:
Someone just said that you should give a class. I think we're better than a lot of people. I don't think we're experts.
Will:
I'm better than everyone.
Sheila Bella:
No, I am.
Will:
Oh, okay.
Sheila Bella:
That's what I think. Remember, I'm an eight.
Will:
You did think that.
Sheila Bella:
Okay. Thank you so much, you guys, for joining us for the hour. For those of you who are wondering whether or not we're going to save this live, yeah, it's going to be on there and it's going to be an episode of Pretty Rich Podcast. Look it up on iTunes.
If you liked this episode, please rate it and give us a five star review. And you can win a free course on sheilabella.com/programs, any course on beauty business marketing. And we have some more exciting courses coming up month. I'm so excited. I can't tell you about it yet. Thanks. So, if you like this, go follow Will, at Will Reusch. Warning-
Will:
It's educational stuff. It's teacher stuff, educational stuff, get people to think. And sometimes people don't like thinking about tough things. I don't know.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. If you like more tough thinking, if this was good. So, anyway, I think that's it. Do you have anything else to say? This is a nice filter for you. Not that you need a filter, I think it's nice. It doesn't morph your face. It just smooths your skin. Okay. I'm going to go now. Go eat. You haven't eaten yet. Bye, you guys. God bless you.
Hey, thanks so much for listening to today's episode of Pretty Rich Podcast. If you want to continue the conversation longer, check me out on Instagram. It's my favorite place to connect with you guys at Real Sheila Bella. I'm happy to answer any of your questions or simply to chat and get to know you better. And if you end up doing something super awesome, like screenshotting this episode and reposting it on your stories, that would put the biggest smile on my face. Don't forget to tag me. I appreciate every share and love feedback from my listeners.
Also, do you have my number? Do you have my number? Because if we're going to keep hanging out, you should probably have my number, so you can actually text me. That's right. You can text me at (310) 388-4588.
And if you're sick and tired of doing business alone and you're interested in accelerating your success by hiring a business coach or joining our mentorship program called Pretty Rich Bosses, go ahead and just apply. Why not? Check it out. Go to sheilabella.com/apply, and we'll schedule a free strategy session with either myself or one of my advisors.
And of course, I got to include my kids. So, here to send us off are Beau and Grey. Grey, say, "Share with your friends."
Grey:
Share with your friends.
Sheila Bella:
Please review my mummy on iTunes.
Grey:
[inaudible 01:12:00] mummy on iTunes.
Sheila Bella:
Thanks for listening.
Grey:
Thanks for listening.
Sheila Bella:
Hey Beau, can you tell everybody what our family motto is?
Beau:
Yeah. I can do hard things.
Sheila Bella:
I can do hard things. Good job, buddy.
