Ep. 69: Removing My Breast Implants For Good, How I Conquered My Biggest Fears Of Explant Surgery, and Battling Breast Implant Illness
"I am healthy. I am brave. My body is cooperative. I will wake up from anesthesia when the surgery is done. I will feel sore but not in a lot of pain. My body is ready for this. I can do this."
When I was ready to have breast explant surgery I had to write myself a letter. I was having severe surgery anxiety and I just needed to find a way to support myself through it.
Surgery can be terrifying and breast explant surgery is no exception. To say I was terrified is honestly an understatement. But I did it. And I survived. I'm here now, recovering, and I wanted to share this episode with you. I want you to know that you're not alone in your anxiety. You're not alone in this experience. Whether you're having anxiety of surgery or anything else - I want to share the process of how I cared for myself through my own anxiety and my surgery.
Wherever you are and whatever scares you - these steps can help.
Here are the episode highlights:
‣‣ [03:07] I start by talking about when I found out that one of my implants had ruptured.
‣‣ [04:53] Here I talk a little bit more about the surgery itself and the misconceptions I had about my breast implants.
‣‣ [06:38] My best advice for anyone considering breast augmentation with zero judgment.
‣‣ [08:04] At 37 years old I've learned a lot of life lessons. But here I share probably the most important thing that I've ever learned.
‣‣ [10:28] Recovering from removing the implants has been harder from recovering from the initial surgery - and I think it has to do with the anxiety I felt leading up to getting them removed.
‣‣ [16:48] My advice for finding others who are living the same experience you are and making connections with those people who will truly understand what you're going through so that you feel less alone.
‣‣ [18:58] How to reparent yourself when all you can focus on are your anxieties and your inner battles.
‣‣ [20:16] I cannot emphasize the importance of RESEARCH enough.
‣‣ [21:31] How faith really was my guiding force through the whole process. I couldn't have done any of this without my faith.
GIVE ME THE STEPS TO CONQUERING FEAR! (Listen Here)
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You can enjoy a transcript of the podcast here.
Sheila Bella:
I am healthy. I am brave. My body is cooperative. I will wake up from anesthesia after surgery is done. And I will feel sore, but not in a lot of pain. My body is ready for this. I'm excited for this day. I will wake up and think, "Wow, that was easy." I'm excited for God to demonstrate his faithfulness to me. I'm excited to feel lighter. I know the worst part is just going to be walking through those doors, but everything else will be easy. And I will rest in the promise that God will provide and protect me. I have people praying. I will have an amazing story to tell, just like the ones who have gone before me. I am healthy. I am brave. I can do this.
That was a clip from the letter that I wrote to myself the night before surgery. And to say that I suffered from severe surgery anxiety, is an understatement. I was terrified. But I had to figure out a way to support myself through doing it scared. And for today's episode of Pretty Rich Podcast, I want to talk you through how to do anything that you're afraid of by using the same tactics I used to get through the scariest thing I've ever done, which is to surgically remove my breast implants. Here we go.
Welcome to the Pretty Rich Podcast where every woman is the heroine of her own story. I'm your host, Sheila Bella. And I built a million dollar beauty business from nothing. So maybe if you listen enough, you'll start to believe that you can do it too. Because if the perfect job doesn't exist, well, you can create it. If the job you want isn't hiring you, you can unapologetically hire yourself. Each episode will equip you with empowering conversations on how to grow a lifestyle that's pretty rich in love, beauty, wellness, and financial wealth. I'm Sheila Bella, beauty business coach celebrity brow artist, global success speaker, author, serial entrepreneur, life, mother, friend, and daughter, and your forever positive beauty biz sales guru. Let's go.
Hey friend. It's good to be catching up with you. Currently I am sitting here in my bedroom with my podcast mic in my Nordstrom silk pajamas, and wearing my Christmas socks. And to be honest with you, I'm on pain meds. I might be a little loopy for this. I don't know what to expect. Buckle up. And the reason for that is because I am two days post-explant surgery. I surgically removed my breast implants that I had for about 14-and-a-half years, on Tuesday. For those of you who don't know the entire story, so I got an MRI a few months ago because I had dense breasts. Meaning my breast tissue is exactly that, it's dense. And so my doctor had suggested to get an MRI because he was suspicious of a lump. And dense breasts make it very difficult to see what's really going on through just a mammogram or an ultrasound. So that's why I got it.
It turns out that the lump was benign. But the MRI did reveal that my breast implants have ruptured, particularly the left one. The report said a very obvious rupture. When I heard that report, I was like, "Gosh. Man, I have so much to do. Now I have to get surgery?" My health wasn't exactly my first thought. I was more thinking like, how can I fit this in my schedule? I won't be able to drive for three weeks. Jeez. But truth be told, I was really worried. The thought that silicone is in my body and it's leaking somewhere in my body, was really disconcerting. But I knew that I had the cohesive gel implants. Now, for those of you who know what that is, cohesive gel silicone implants look like a gummy bear basically. So they're not supposed to migrate. Just like a gummy bear. It's not like the silicone breast implants back in the '70s where it was really liquidy, and it would leak into women's bodies. And everybody knew that, to stay away from silicone implants. But I thought, "Oh, well, I have the cohesive gel one. So I'm sure it's still somewhat intact."
Now, before we talk about the fear that I had going into surgery, I want to talk about the surgery itself. Because Dr. Brian Cox in Pasadena has done thousands of these explants. But he said that mine was the most difficult one that he had ever done. And remember how I said that cohesive gel implants can't migrate? I was wrong. When they opened me up in the operating room, they were shocked, as Dr. Cox was retelling the story. I could hear that even he himself was surprised. The rupture was bad. It had rotted at the very top of the implant, through the scar capsule, and up into pass my clavicle. It was oozing the silicone out like a tube of toothpaste every time I moved my pictorial muscles. And the leak had traveled high up all the way past my collar bone, next to my subclavian artery, which is a major artery. And Dr. Cox had to scrape very carefully, the silicone off of the artery, which was basically my lifeline. His co surgeon, Dr. Reck Baron was like, "Whoa, you're really high up in there." But he was determined to get all the silicone out of my body safely. Dr. Cox said, "Thank God it was me that did your surgery." He said that had it been anybody else who didn't know what they were doing, I could have easily not woken up. So scary. Right?
So if you're considering a breast augmentation, I have zero judgment. I promise you, because I enjoyed mine for years. But just go in with your eyes, open and know that they can rupture, and they can migrate, and you have to be very careful. Get them checked. I mean, an MRI is the only thing that can detect a rupture. A mammogram can't even do that. So if you're going to get them, stay on top of it. So today my implants are out, and I'm so grateful that it's over. My boobs are not as big, but I'm alive. And you know what? I actually think my boobs look better. They look normal. They look like me. I'm 37. I've had two kids. I take care of myself. And that's what my boobs look like. It's crazy to think that as a young, impressionable, 20-something-year-old, all I wanted to be was loved. And I thought that my body was my ticket to attaining love. I felt my body was made for the pleasure of others. In order to be loved I needed large breasts, a small waist, a pretty face, long full hair. And most of all, most dangerously of all, I thought that I needed to have an agreeable personality.
Now at 37, I'm different. I have people who love me no matter what cup size I am, no matter what my real hair looks like, no matter how much money I make, no matter how much I speak my truth, whether it agrees with them or not. I asked the question still, even after understanding, why did I do this to myself? But I just answered it. I really wanted to be loved. And back then, I didn't have any other memories of getting it any other way aside from how I looked. I didn't know how powerful I was yet. I didn't understand that I could have an impact on people, believe it or not, no matter what I look like. Sounds crazy for me to say, right? And this is super vulnerable of me to come out and say that, but someone out there needs to hear this. You need to hear that you're enough. You need to demand that you are enough, by taking your appearance out of the picture and see how many lives do you impact regardless of how you're dressed that day, or how much you weigh. I heard the message loud and clear in my 20s. And it was destructive.
Now, I know that not everybody gets breast implants for the same unhealthy motives that I did. And for those people, I'm not talking to you. You're good. But I think, us being in the beauty industry, with anything, any change you want to make to your body, any permanent change you want to make to your body, I think it's important for us to check our motives. And my motive was super unhealthy, not to mention all of these articles and stories about breast implant illness and how they are affecting women every single day. Now that my breast implants are out, I can tell you that I feel better, I feel lighter. They allowed me to take home one of my implants, the one that wasn't ruptured. And I'm looking at it, and it is so heavy. I cannot believe I agreed to carry these bags inside of me for years. I can't believe I went sky-diving with these, that I had two babies with these. I mean, it's a foreign object in your body.
And I don't know why, but the recovery right now for me getting out my implants, is a lot more difficult than getting them in. And even the surgery, I feel like leading up to it, maybe it's because I'm more aware I have more to lose, I was terrified. So terrified. The last time I had general anesthesia was almost 15 years ago. And I was so scared. As soon as I set the date, I set the date for this about five weeks ago. So I had to wait five weeks until my explant surgery. And although I really looked forward to the after, I was not looking forward to the surgery itself, and the thought of it itself. Every day I woke up, I dreaded it, and I wished I had done it already so it would just be over. Because I knew that the mental anguish was a lot worse than the actual thing. I knew it would be, even as I anguished mentally. But I got through it.
And I thought this would be such a great lesson for my friends, for me to demonstrate to you how I was able to do something really, really scary. Because it will apply to everything else that you need to do that's scary. It doesn't matter whether it's surgery, or it's starting a business, or it's going through a divorce, losing weight, going skydiving, having a baby, quitting your job, launching something, launching a podcast, launching a course, launching a new product. I mean, us entrepreneurs do scary things every single day. And we need to learn how to support ourselves. So I want to show you what I did to get that support that I needed when I needed it.
Hey. Have you ever been to a permanent makeup conference and thought, "Oh my gosh, I'm kind of falling asleep. Oh no." Have you ever looked at the speakers up there and thought, "Wow, I wonder how they did it. How are they up there? How do they build such influence, and how do they build their businesses? How are they always booked out with students and clients for months, and months?" Ever wonder how she built that online course, and thought, "I wish I could do that," or think, "Oh my goodness. How did she develop such amazing products and become profitable doing so? What are the steps I need to take in order to do the same?" Well, you can find out at the Pretty Ambitious Summit, March 13th through 15th, 2020 in Santa Monica, California.
Finally, the ultimate girl power live event for PMU boss babes like you, where the focus is on growing the business side of things, where you can learn PMU marketing, product development, and mindset strategies, so you can finally break through whatever is holding you back. For some of you, it might be knowledge. But for others, it might be lack of confidence, or it might be both. My whole mission with a Pretty Ambitious Summit is to create what I needed 10 years ago. I needed this event. And here it is for you now. Myself, all the incredible speakers, and master coaches, right by the legendary beaches of Los Angeles, will surely transform you in this enlightening and educational business and mindset weekend. And it's a write-off. Hello. Free vacation, right? Free vacation with your PMU brow besties. And if you're coming alone, no problem. Because this weekend was designed for you to meet your tribe. This is an opportunity for you to build your own table the same way I did, the same way we all had to do in this industry.
So quit trying to do it alone, because beauty bossing is hard. It's so hard. And it can be such a lonely road. We know that. You know that. And here you will find like-minded, ambitious, and kind women who get it, who get you the way nobody else does in your own circle at home. They don't know. They don't do PMU. They're not trying to do big things. My friends in this industry have been so valuable to my growth and my business. And seriously, I want to meet you. I want to see you guys face to face. I want to hear your stories, and get to know what you're all about.
So if you crave inspiration, genuine connection, and you're ready to level up your personal and professional game, you need to be there. Tickets are selling out fast. VIP tickets are already sold out. So you got to get them before they're all gone. If there is a small, still voice inside of you telling you, "Yes. This is for me. I need this. I need to do something different," don't overthink this one because you deserve to be in that room. Invest in you. You deserve it. Because your life and your business can only go as high as you grow as a woman. So go to prettyambitioussummit.com, and I'll meet you at the top were ambitious women empower each other.
It doesn't just come. You have to create that support around you. And if you've never done it before, then you don't know what that looks like. So nobody in my family was in my shoes, even my husband. As sweet as he is, he can't really relate. He's never had breast implants to my knowledge. So I reached out. I created a community around me to support me. The internet, you guys. You can find people. It's incredible what the internet can do. You can literally find anybody who's gone through the scary thing that you're dreading to go through, and who's come out the other end, and talk to them. So I found an incredible Facebook group called Breast Implant Illness and Healing by Nicole Daruda. And there are over 100000 women in this group who are sharing stories every single day, who are posting photos of their explant surgeries, and who are just there for each other. If you're not a member of that group, and you're considering explant surgery, or you're considering breast augmentation, you need to join. Just type it into Facebook groups, and I'm sure it'll pop.
Another thing I did was, I asked the surgeon... After booking my appointment, I asked the surgical assistant, if there was anybody who had experienced a similar procedure from Dr. Cox that I could talk to. And she gave me the names and phone numbers of two women who are so willing to talk to me. One was Ashley, and the other girl was Cheryl. And they spoke to me willingly on the phone, and told me how wonderful Dr. Cox was, and what their explant experiences were like. And through the Facebook group, I spoke to like five people who had also gone to Dr. Cox. I mean, I didn't even need a second opinion at this point, because 100% of the women that I spoke to over the phone had nothing but positive things to say. But still, I needed to hear now from my highest self. Because the night before surgery, I was just in shambles.
It happens to me. Okay. I was so terrified. And what I did was, I wrote myself a letter. Adulting is basically reparenting yourself. And what you got to do is you have to speak to yourself as your higher self. What would your highest self say to you? I journaled it. I recorded it. I told myself, I was healthy, I'm brave. And I listed down all of the things that I wanted to experience for the following day. I recorded it, and I listened to myself talk over and over again. So that, that would be my default way of thinking. If your default setting is fear, there are ways that you can reprogram yourself by reparenting yourself, by coaching yourself, by hiring an actual coach aside from you. But if you don't have the means to do that, the most important thing you need to do is to keep yourself accountable. And I don't care how weird it is. It works for me. I talk to myself all the time. I do voice notes to myself all the time. Because I know that the greatest battle is in my subconscious.
Next. Research. Lots and lots and lots of research. Whenever I'm feeling insecure or not confident in something, it's because I didn't prepare. I don't have enough knowledge when it comes to that topic. So I made sure that I had a ton of facts about this. And sometimes reading too much, gets you in a pickle. Because you start to read the bad stories and the negative stuff. But then you also start to read about how rare those things occur. So this is applicable to you even if you're not undergoing surgery soon. Because if there's an area in your life that you don't feel that knowledgeable about, research it. Or if you're afraid of sales, read a book on sales. If you're having marital problems, read a book on relationships. John Gottman is awesome, by the way. If you are trying to build a business right now, get smart about it. Rack up the knowledge, take an online course, ask people, do some homework. If you're afraid to go live, you know there's classes? There's acting classes, and public speaking classes to help you get over that? You need to figure out ways that you can build up knowledge, and practice to support yourself through doing the hard things.
And lastly, but probably the most important one of all is, I had to really dig deep and tap into my faith. I meditated on scripture. I listened to worship songs. I even went to one of my dear friends [inaudible 00:21:49] who is just always there for me. She's like my spiritual mother. And I asked her for guidance, and for prayer, and for support. So as vulnerable and as crazy as I might sound to some of you guys, especially those of you who've had tons of surgeries, like you're such a G. Good for you. We all have a dragon that we need to slay. And my current one was surgery. But I will have more in my lifetime. This event, the Pretty Ambitious Summit, it's exciting. But I'm also going to need to support myself around this, because it's also terrifying. I have thoughts sometimes where I think, who am I to be doing this? And then I just remember you guys, and my calling. There will be lots of challenges in your life. And you can't do it. I don't care what anybody says. You can't do it without community. You can't do it without parenting yourself, and coaching yourself through it. You can't do it without knowledge. And forgive me if I'm biased, but I think it would be very difficult to do it without faith.
That's it for today's episode. Thank you so much for all your messages, your comments, and your support throughout this scary time in my life right now. I want you to know that I read everything and, I appreciate you from the deepest part of my being. Thank you for taking the time to message me and to send me love. And if this podcast impacted you in any way at all, I would love it if you could please leave us a review on iTunes, or don't leave us a review. Just click the little stars and give us a five-star review. I provide this podcast free of charge as my way of serving my community. And I would love for others to be able to receive the message as well, that they too are enough. Alright. I'm going to take a few days. Until next time you guys, see you later.
Thank you so much for listening. It is an honor to be a part of your life. If you enjoy this podcast or were impacted by this at all, please take a minute to leave us a five-star review on iTunes, and share it with a friend. Screenshot it, post it on your story, your feed, your timeline. And don't forget to tag me. I would really love to see that. My Instagram is @realsheilabella. Also let's carry on the conversation longer. Join our private Facebook group just for Pretty Rich girls. Just go to facebook.com/prettyrichsquad. And check out sheilabella.com for more information on how to get more support on your beauty entrepreneurship journey, and get going on your pretty rich lifestyle. Until next time.
