Ep. 163: SARAH PENDRICK ON INSECURITIES, FEMALE EMPOWERMENT, SOCIAL MEDIA BULLYING AND CANCEL CULTURE
"I listen to what my soul wants, I practice, I'm around people that give me a safe space to say how I feel, to say what I do and don't want to do."
There are a lot of reasons why female entrepreneurs can be afraid of showing up online. When you put yourself online you are opening yourself up to a whole new kind of vulnerability. It's easy for people to forget that behind our screens are real people with real feelings and they can start to say some pretty hurtful things.
Nobody wants to be canceled - but we can't let fear stop us from showing up as our authentic selves and serving others. For this episode, I sat down with my friend Sarah Pendrick, the creator of Girl Talk. Sarah and I have both been doing our thing on the internet for a while and have gotten our fair share of social media bullying. But I think Sarah is a pro at looking a difficult situation in the eye and rising above it.
In this episode, we talk about tackling insecurities, the importance of female empowerment, overcoming social media bullying, and cancel culture.
Here are the episode highlights:
‣‣ [04:34] To start off, Sarah tells us her background story: how she experienced trauma early on in her life, how that impacted her, getting into psychology, and where the idea for Girl Talk came from.
‣‣ [08:43] One of the scary things about starting a brand is the feeling that it has to stay the same forever - that you have to pick one thing to talk about and that's your brand. Here we talk about allowing your business to expand and shift as time goes on!
‣‣ [10:03] Social media has changed our relationships a lot, especially after last year. A lot of people tend to forget that the people we see online are REAL.
‣‣ [15:22] Sarah and I talk about having grace for yourself.
‣‣ [21:51] Here Sarah shares some of the meanest things people have said to her over social media and we talk about how we deal with hateful comments.
‣‣ [34:37] Being yourself is being brave.
‣‣ [37:18] Let's get into cancel culture. Here I ask Sarah if she's ever afraid of being canceled.
‣‣ [44:23] Here Sarah delivers a message directly to you.
RISE ABOVE THE HATERS! (Listen Here)
I loved having Sarah on for this episode! Follow her on IG @sarahpendrick!
You can follow me, Sheila Bella, on Instagram @realsheilabella!
Here are the links that were mentioned in the podcast!
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You can enjoy a transcript of the podcast here.
Sheila Bella:
Welcome to Pretty Rich Podcast, where you're totally the heroine of your own story. I'm your host, Sheila Bella, and I've built a seven-figure PMU beauty biz and a seven-figure online biz without a degree, without a fancy website, or a sugar daddy. And if you and I hang out on here long enough, you're going to start to believe that you can do it too. How about that for a side effect of listening to this podcast? Because you really can.
I know you think, "I don't know you, I have no idea who you are," but I do, I really, really do because I am you. I was you. And I believe we are all on the same journey together. My perfect job didn't exist so I created it. The job I wanted wasn't hurting me, wanted nothing to do with me, so I skipped the line and hired myself as CEO, just like you can. So consider me your secret beauty biz BFF in case you need to be reminded on a weekly basis that power is never just handed to you, you have to take it. Are you ready beauty boss? Let's jump in.
Okay you guys, what's up? Today I have Sarah Pendrick who is the creator of one of the largest women's groups in the universe, Girl Talk Network.
Sarah Pendrick:
The whole universe.
Sheila Bella:
We are getting to know each other right here in front of you guys for the very first time and today we were chatting before I hit record, we wanted to chat about insecurities and how social media plays a role in those insecurities. But before we get into that, I wanted to chat about Sarah and who she is. So for those people who have never heard of you before because they're living under a rock, tell us the story, tell us everything. I know a good amount about you and what I can say is that when I first see you, when anyone first sees you or your page, they're like, "What is this Barbie aesthetic? This is amazing." People probably say that about me now that I say that out loud.
Sarah Pendrick:
Yes.
Sheila Bella:
Like, is she real? Do you get that? Is she real? I have to say, Sarah has experienced a lot of things and has overcome a lot of things that I think a lot of us have not. Every experience is unique and she has her own stories of pain that she's overcome and what I love about Sarah is that she's transparent about them. She is Super Woman in my eyes because of that, because it's a brave feat to be open about your struggles. Sarah, the way I see you too it's almost like... so you have a psychology major, right?
Sarah Pendrick:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Sheila Bella:
It's almost like you've mastered the art of therapy but in front of the world and I see your process as very genuine, you're just working out your issues but in a public forum. And because of that, we, as the audience, sees a part of ourselves in you and we heal ourselves through your process. That's how I see it.
Sarah Pendrick:
Wow, thank you. Thank you for saying that
Sheila Bella:
So welcome Sarah.
Sarah Pendrick:
Yeah. I know we've been wanting to connect for so long and I feel about the same about you when I see your page. I know we'll talk about that, the positive and negatives to that because I've experienced some judgment just from my page and maybe the way that I look and whatever else. I'm just really happy to be here. I love what you're doing in the world. I think you're so amazing. I think this conversation is really important and I love just getting to know you on a public forum and [inaudible 00:04:29].
Sheila Bella:
With three drinks.
Sarah Pendrick:
Yeah. I'll go grab mine in a second. Yeah. Let's see, I don't even know where to start. Like you said, I went to school for psychology and before that I had a lot of experiences, a lot of trauma throughout my life, so naturally I thought, "Hey, I want to help other women specifically, but anyone that has experienced things that I've gone through." So naturally I was like, "Oh, I'm supposed to be a psychologist." So I went and spent so much money for that degree and so much time and then I realized towards the end that it wasn't exactly what I wanted to do.
Sheila Bella:
Do you think that... related question. Do you think that part of the reason you went into psychology is because you needed to work things out in here? I mean I thought about that.
Sarah Pendrick:
Yeah, absolutely. I was like, "I do not know. I don't have the tools or support to get through what I've gone through so I need to go learn and then that's how I'm going to heal and that's how I'm also going to help other people."
Sheila Bella:
That's really interesting, because a lot of times when you ask a child, like a 17-year-old to me is a child, what do you want to do for the rest of your life? You have no idea. And I think sometimes people choose careers that they think will help them internally. That's a direction I thought about too, because I was messed up. We're all messed up and I felt like I need to learn how to work out my stuff.
Sarah Pendrick:
Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
Professionally.
Sarah Pendrick:
Yes, yes.
Sheila Bella:
So tell us about some of the experiences that you've overcome.
Sarah Pendrick:
It's interesting that you say that because that's also something that I always tie back to. It's like when you're little before you've gone through anything, you have something on your heart and you just don't really... you're like, "Oh, I want to help people. Oh, I want to be a doctor." It's like there's something there in your soul but that doesn't mean you have to go be a doctor, but there's something there for you to bring into your life so that you feel more fulfilled. That's something that I write about in my book and I always think, "Oh, what did I want to be before all of these things happened to me? What was my personality like? What did I love doing?" Because that little girl is inside me still and I think that's how you really can bring out your authentic self.
So when I was five years old, I was molested and I dealt with a lot of bullying from the age of five to probably high school. Then when I was 19, I was raped. So I just remember being this really bubbly, excited little girl and then obviously just completely changing going into my shell at five years old and really trying to find my way from five to 18 and then from 18 on, it's been an evolution. But I just remember those years of my life when those things had happened and not having the tools and not telling anyone. I didn't even tell anyone about it. I really was just fighting this battle [crosstalk 00:07:31]
Sheila Bella:
Both times?
Sarah Pendrick:
Yeah, both times.
Sheila Bella:
Wow.
Sarah Pendrick:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Sheila Bella:
You didn't tell anyone about it.
Sarah Pendrick:
No, when I was five, I knew that it was wrong and I just didn't know what to do. I thought that I told my mom, but my mom and I talk about it now and she's like, "You never told me." And when I was 19, I thought I was in college, I had had a drink, it was my fault, I had so much shame around it and I literally blocked it out of my mind and didn't tell anyone until I created Girl Talk and that's when I really started standing in my power and knowing that it wasn't my fault, I'm not a victim, and what do I really want to do with this experience, this terrible experience that I've had, to turn it around and really make my life better and also support other people that have been through the same thing?
Sheila Bella:
Wow. So Girl Talk is kind of your... would you say that that's your outlet? It's something for yourself but then because you created the thing that you needed, it now helps thousands of people.
Sarah Pendrick:
Yeah. Now it's... maybe it's still my outlet, but it's my growth. I'm always expanding and that's why I always tell entrepreneurs your business isn't always going to be the same. Give yourself permission that as you expand, your brand is going to expand and really bring people on that journey so they can see that, they can get that permission too. Because at least for me, I was caught up in the whole social media comparison and I'm like, "This is this person's brand and that's all they talk about, but I don't want to just talk about one thing." It was definitely an evolution and an outlet for me and now it's just part of my growth and I love to experiment and grow my business and show other women that they can be multifaceted and do the same thing.
Sheila Bella:
Do you feel pressured to talk about the same thing for the things that you're known for?
Sarah Pendrick:
I did feel that pressure probably a year ago and I spent some time just being intentional and sitting down and asking myself questions, and I don't feel that anymore, but it definitely took work to get there.
Sheila Bella:
That's great. Yeah. I think another thing that a lot of people, because you and I create content a lot, I think another thing I would ask of others is know that we're human, we will evolve, we will grow. I'm probably going to stop talking about how to beat the IG algorithm at some point and talk about something else, I don't know, when I'm 50, or maybe just... I'm having my third kid. That might change me. I think social media... we're getting to the topic now. Social media experiences and your social media persona is very real. It's very real. I think a lot of times we put it up on a pedestal and we care about it just as much as our everyday persona. It's real. You're real to me, you know what I mean?
Sarah Pendrick:
Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
I just... a lot of people think that social media isn't real.
Sarah Pendrick:
Right.
Sheila Bella:
But especially now with COVID, I feel like that's how we experience the world these days, that's how we experience meeting new people and relationships.
Sarah Pendrick:
I mean there's so many amazing things about social media. You and I are sitting here right now because of social media and then of course there's things that are not [inaudible 00:10:54] that are really serious. It's funny that you say that because I'm sure you look... I look back at my old posts where I'm like, "Oh, I don't even know that girl anymore."
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Sarah Pendrick:
I think that's okay because in a way, social media is a real part of my life. It's not my whole life but I said something different than when I was 20 to when I'm in my 30s. So just giving yourself that permission and stop... I'd like to make social media a little bit more real so then people can really have some more compassion for people's posts and their stories and figuring it out. There's so much judgment in the social media world [inaudible 00:11:33] it is real to say that we're all evolving and changing and our content is going to change. It's going to evolve, it's going to up-level. I think in the place that I was when I said certain things, that is how I processed things, those were my processes and they're going to keep growing and that's totally okay.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. But that fear right now I believe is heightened.
Sarah Pendrick:
Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
Because I've been putting out content since 2000-I've forgotten.
Sarah Pendrick:
Yeah you're like-
Sheila Bella:
Two thousand forgotten. I wonder, I'm like is there anything that I've put out there that I wouldn't be proud of now? Even if it was just a year ago. That's possible because especially as a person, as a woman that's committed to learning. If you're not blowing your mind everyday with whoa, I didn't realize that, what are we doing here, right?
Sarah Pendrick:
Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
I guarantee that there are views that I've posted about or captions I've written or something like that that I may not fully agree with anymore or it's evolved. Maybe not agree but as the days go on, as we're on... I love personal development, as we're on this journey of personal development and learning and growing, our descriptions get thicker, not necessarily changed but oh, there's new information. This is thicker. I do feel that kind of pressure.
Sarah Pendrick:
Also, you're a mom. Like you said when we jumped on for like a second, right before we jumped on, you're like, "I've completely changed since being a mom," and everyone that I know says that. Because your eyes have opened to this whole new world so obviously things that you've said or your thoughts are going to alter in some sort of way, but I think that our values and who we are as people, that's what I've always stuck to and that's even more than ever if everyone that's listening that's scared to post certain things online or worried about this, it's like all you can do is your best and every time you're going to do something, just ask what is my reason for this and what's my intention? Then no one can ever bring you down. Because then you could go back and be like, "No, I know what my intention was when I said that. I know what my intention was when I tried to explain that."
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. A part of us, if you're going to live in the social media world, and a lot of people who might be listening or watching right now want to be content creators, they want to have an online business, you want to be on YouTube, you want to have a podcast, I think part of that, there needs to be a course for this or a certain therapy program just for social media creators. [crosstalk 00:14:24] and marriage too, that's another story. Like your partner doesn't understand and no, this is how I make a living. This is important. You have to get this on camera. That's another journey.
But yeah, the psychological process, it's very new.
Sarah Pendrick:
It is new.
Sheila Bella:
It's very new so people... my own therapist, I love my therapist. I kind of have to explain to him how it all works.
Sarah Pendrick:
Same here with my therapist. She's like, "I kind of understand your guys' world but this is tough." She's always so compassionate, like this is tough.
Sheila Bella:
Yes.
Sarah Pendrick:
This is crazy. I'm like, "I know."
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, my therapist. I have to tell him, it's like, "No, no, no. When you go live, it's like this and then ugh." That's so funny.
Sarah Pendrick:
Or when you're live, and it's not as often but sometimes a little mean comment creeps in there and you're literally sitting there pouring your heart out and you're like, "Oh. Didn't see that right now." I'm going to give credit to anyone that shows up on any type of platform, whether it's their life and their family and the public forum, you're just doing your best and being brave. What I hope for, I really, really hope for, and this has been on my heart for the last couple weeks to months and I know for you too is just people start understanding more and giving people grace. Just coming with more compassion, because it just can get really ugly.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, it can get really ugly. That's an understatement.
Sarah Pendrick:
Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
It can get downright evil and hurtful. Because what we're doing is we're trying to inflict pain through a keyboard so we use our words and our talent for words to literally try and inflict pain on others. We open it up, anytime you post something, you open it up to the entire world for them to judge you or to comment or to form their opinions and just spit out the vomit of their hearts to you. You literally... that's a risk. Yeah, I think this needs some sort of support group.
Sarah Pendrick:
Yeah, it really does. I mean it's going to keep evolving. Do you want to start the support group?
Sheila Bella:
Sure. [inaudible 00:17:00] I mean, I think at the end of the day and just forget social media, just life in general, you need to know who you are and just own it. Own it. And all of you. I had a tattoo here that I removed. I had it nine years ago or something like that. I was just in a... it was like a star and a rainbow, blah blah blah. I don't even know. I had it removed and while I decided to have it removed, my husband was like, "Why are you removing it?" I was like, "It's just not me anymore. I don't know. I don't like it."
Sarah Pendrick:
Do you remember why you got it or what it meant?
Sheila Bella:
It didn't mean anything in particular. But I know for me, I was trying to... what it was is I was trying to... part of it was rebellion. I had a late rebellious stage in my 30s because I had always been sheltered. I didn't have a beer until I was 28 years old. It was weird. Part of it was rebellious. I just wanted to do it because I thought it would be cute, I don't know. He said, "Well, that's part of your story. That's part of it. Just own it." And yeah, I still removed it, but there's something about that. Your social media footprint, if you go back on my timeline to some of the crap I said on Facebook, especially Facebook because I've had Facebook longer, my status updates. Oh my gosh.
Sarah Pendrick:
That would be like a whole journey if every single one of us went and looked at our status updates from the first time that we had Facebook.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. What was I doing? What is this woman saying? Yeah, I think that would be embarrassing for me if I went [crosstalk 00:19:04]. Right. If you and I just went right now, go back 10 years ago and be like, "What did you post?"
Sarah Pendrick:
I think when the timeline things pop up and I'm like, "What was I thinking? What was I doing?"
Sheila Bella:
And part of it to me is really... it's interesting, it's beautiful and it's now more than ever, kind of scary.
Sarah Pendrick:
Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
Right, because someone could dig that up and blast it all over now and say, "This is her now," and not have grace for the child that you were at the time, even just a year ago.
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So what are some of the meanest things that people have sent you on social?
Sarah Pendrick:
Oh man.
Sheila Bella:
[inaudible 00:21:59] hate mail.
Sarah Pendrick:
Gosh. The meanest things. I haven't gotten death threats and my heart goes out to, because I know that's really common online.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Sarah Pendrick:
I think the meanest things for me, which was actually part of my story, was judgments on how I looked. I would take it so personally. Like dumb blonde or things about Barbie or what do you know? How are you brave, you have a perfect picture, how is that brave? It sounds like all right, that doesn't really mean anything but those comments meant something to me personally, because I was judged growing up for how I looked and I didn't want to be like, "Oh, look at me." You guys don't understand, you have this perception of how I look, but I've been through so much. I wasn't here to prove anything but to me it was so hurtful because I'm really sensitive and I have been through a lot and what I do is genuinely to empower women. That is what I care about so much, I've cared about it since I was younger. I really just wanted to be understood.
So when people would call out things or judge me on appearance, a few things happened. I started dulling myself down which I did when I was younger, I started not speaking my truth because I didn't want to get anymore hate comments, and then if I'm not speaking my truth, I'm not showing up genuinely at all and I'm not helping anyone, I'm not helping myself. I went through this for a while and finally it just came down to it's nothing that I can control, so I can either keep dulling myself and not being myself just so I don't get any hate comments, just so people understand me, and then I would be miserable, or you can't control the hate comments so why don't I just be myself and do what I feel. I know my heart, I know my intentions and it doesn't matter if someone looks at me and makes a pre-judgment, we all get pre-judged. There's a lot of empowerment in that and I'm not saying I don't care when I get hate comments, it does bother me. It's hard. It's sad but it doesn't take me down like it did before.
Sheila Bella:
You can't. Right, right. That's something that I can definitely relate to. People are saying, "How are you so brave? This is a perfect picture." What's your response to that? What's your process to that?
Sarah Pendrick:
I've had a few different things. Before I thought, oh, I want to be able to talk to this person and explain and they follow me, I want to have a relationship with them. I went through that whole thing and sometimes you have people that are like, "Oh, I didn't even know that you would respond."
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Sarah Pendrick:
Or they're angry and it's like when you try to... If you ever have a misunderstanding with a friend or your partner, you're not going to do it over text message.
Sheila Bella:
I've given people my number.
Sarah Pendrick:
Oh, I love that.
Sheila Bella:
I'm like, come on, let's go.
Sarah Pendrick:
That's brave. I love that. Yeah, so I made the mistake of all right, let's talk this out over DM and then I started realizing why am I talking? I'm always questioning myself. Why am I doing this?
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. I've done that. But I wonder too like why were you doing it?
Sarah Pendrick:
I think in the past it was because I care, I was like, "Oh, I don't want them not to like me. I don't want them to...".
Sheila Bella:
Okay.
Sarah Pendrick:
And I'm like, "I can't control that though." There will be some sort of lesson or there won't and they can unfollow me and they can think what they want. I was like my little girl, oh, I don't want to be judged for the way that I look. I'm incredibly smart and talented and that's what I want to be. That's what I want people to see. Then finally I'm like, I don't want to say I don't care, because sometimes you do care. But I don't care like I cared before.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. What is it about... because I echo those sentiments, honestly. What is it about being misunderstood that feels so terrible to us, especially as I see you as artistic. I feel that I'm an artist. My business with my self expression, that's what I mean by artistic. It's so important to me that I express myself authentically. And when I don't, I feel like crap.
Sarah Pendrick:
We're so similar in that. It's like my self expression, even when people would be like, "Oh, but your feed looks perfect." I'm like, "I'm not doing it to look perfect. That's literally my expression." I like aesthetics. I like art.
Sheila Bella:
I like it. Yeah, why can't... my version of... you probably get the same thing. That is authenticity to me. I want to show up with makeup on today. Today I don't. I don't know why, it ebbs and flows, but there are times when I want to wear makeup that's like three inches thick. I must.
Sarah Pendrick:
You're like my soul is telling me I'm doing this today.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. I've had some people comment like how come your voice changes when you have makeup on?
Sarah Pendrick:
Really?
Sheila Bella:
That was a couple weeks ago. I was like, "Oh, I didn't even realize that."
Sarah Pendrick:
That's awesome.
Sheila Bella:
I feel a little peppier, I don't know. But okay. That must be annoying, but like, yeah, so what? Then stop watching me then. Why are you watching me?
Sarah Pendrick:
I think, especially for women, I just think that we've been taught, at least for me, I'll speak for myself and clients and friends. I think we've been taught to be so much against each other and we've been taught an old way. Because women are super powerful. It's really crazy. If you think about how powerful you are, how powerful you are, how powerful everyone that's listening, we're really powerful.
Sheila Bella:
I believe that too. I didn't [crosstalk 00:28:15]
Sarah Pendrick:
I believe that and I see that. Now I'm seeing you. You're pregnant. It's just... we all are just so incredibly powerful. So somewhere along the line, I wish I could pinpoint exactly when, I have no idea. It was obviously before I was born. There was something that just... that power needed to be... someone thought that power needed to be dulled down a little bit. I think we're at a place where people are seeing it more and they're like, "Hey, I don't want to live like this. This isn't how it is. There is enough for all of us." I know there's those quotes, like you're enough and all the things. But in all seriousness, this is why I love working with women.
I think that you and I, everyone that's listening, we're kind of in an exciting time because we can start to be more brave and really stick together and be like, "Yeah, she had no makeup on yesterday, I loved it. And then she was decked out the next day. I love that." Just stop judging each other, because I think that we're so powerful and we're so multidimensional and we're so kind, I know that women are very fierce and kind, but we've just been taught a different way so we just have to unlearn that. That's the way it happens.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. A lot of it comes down to fear, just fear in general. Our personal experiences and things like that. The way I think women are powerful, the way I have experienced first hand, now it's not the same for everyone, but I just think we have this... to me, power is your ability to make things go your way. The end result, whatever that is, just go your way. The way you want. I want my... not just material, but relational, emotional, just in conversation. What else is life than a conglomeration of all of the conversations you've ever had? It's just as a woman, I feel more powerful in my power to communicate and to persuade, better than my husband who's, I think, a wonderful communicator, brilliant communicator. But there's something extra when it's coming from a girl.
Sarah Pendrick:
Yeah. It's a feminine power where you're like, oh, I literally can make anything happen.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. That's why... it's overplayed, but Who Run The World by Beyonce, I was sitting in the front row of that Lemonade tour, the Formation tour, when they were singing Who Run The World, I got hate for saying this. I am such a Beyonce-ist, that song in particular, I read every word and how my persuasion can build a nation. That's our power. Yes, some women have a ton of muscles and they can dead lift and everything. I'm not that. But I feel very aligned to those lyrics because I feel like I have the power to persuade and bridge. Endless power my love, you can devour, you'll do anything for me. That's like the Jezebel. But I was sitting in the front row looking back and thinking they think this is a catchy song. I was like, "It's more than that."
Sarah Pendrick:
They do not understand what's happening right now.
Sheila Bella:
Sit down. [inaudible 00:32:02] Sit down. I was having this moment. I was pregnant that time too.
Sarah Pendrick:
Oh my gosh.
Sheila Bella:
Woman.
Sarah Pendrick:
I love it. But you know what though? The way that you explained that, that's so true because when things aren't working out for you, when you feel like you're not in your power, you're not being persuasive, that's because you're not being yourself. Let's just... something as simple as no makeup, makeup. Just because it's simple we'll use that example. If you were like, "I want to go decked out today," and then you don't because you're scared because of what other people are going to say, you're not going to fully show up in your power and you're not going to have things go your way. And if you're not being yourself, things can't go your way because you're not being yourself for it to go your way.
Sheila Bella:
Right. When I get flustered in my words, I'm not being myself. That's why sometimes, English is my second language, so sometimes I need to just take a beat, remember who I am, and then speak slowly no matter how slow that is. But all of us do that. All of us do that. I do that on lives, I do that on interviews, I do that when I meet new people. Sometimes... I had a podcast interview a couple weeks ago and I can't say who it was, but he asked me a question and I didn't understand it and I was freaking out inside. Then I asked him, "Would you mind repeating that one more time, explaining that a different way?" And while he was explaining it, I was negative talking to myself. Like, Sheila, you're so stupid. Other people would have gotten that so much faster and I missed the explanation.
Sarah Pendrick:
Oh my gosh, what did you do? What did you say?
Sheila Bella:
I don't know. The point is I just went... there's a loop, right. There's a pattern of self talk that I think a lot of people can probably relate to that I just didn't feel comfortable articulating at the time. That wasn't the topic. But yeah, it's because you're not yourself. You're not yourself. You forget who you are. It's not even... we forget and then we remember the trauma, we remember all the times we've been made fun of. We remember all the negative comments on social media, even though this is somebody that we don't know. But to a lot of people, those are real people. It's tough. Do you get like that? Do you ever get nervous when you're talking to people?
Sarah Pendrick:
Yeah. It's kind of an... it's like an evolution. At first for me, the way that I see it is I'm not being myself and then when I'm being brave and I'm like, all right, I'm going to really practice being myself, then you have all that other stuff, like the voices that come in. Well, if you say that, that's offensive, or don't say that, that's too direct. That's not being myself. That's the outside of what I've been around or what I've been bullied for or what my parents told me not to do and all those things. It was kind of a journey for me for that. I was in my empowerment and then I was like, oh, there's another layer because there's this voice in my head of like, don't be too direct. They're not going to like you. You're not safe if you're direct. Then starting to be just keep going anyways. It's kind of unexplainable.
I do talk about it a lot in the book and talk about steps that I did for it, but it's just a journey to have compassion for yourself, because we're all just learning and the one thing for right now, I'll tell you the journey that I'm on is I'm very much myself. I think I am, at least I'm trying to be. I listen to what my soul wants, I practice, I'm around people that give me a safe space to say how I feel, to say what I do and don't want to do.
So that's been super easy to bring that out and into the rest of the world and right now I'm practicing being direct, because I was like, whoa, there's something in me that I don't just directly say what I want or what I think about things. I noticed this in the last year and really started turning that around, because when you're not direct, you're just... maybe there's not going to be a problem in the moment, but the problem is going to come later. It's like do it right then, be your best friend, stand up for yourself, even if it's not standing up. Say what you want or what you think, because people are going to perceive it a totally different way if you're trying to package it with all these things and then you don't even end up saying what you really mean. So that's where those thoughts start getting into my mind.
Now I just love experiments. I'm just going to try it out. Let's just test this out and see how it goes, see how it feels. So for a while I was just testing out being completely direct. That doesn't work for me or hey, that doesn't feel great. What about this?
Sheila Bella:
Okay. That's a good line, hey, that doesn't feel great. What about this? And then be direct.
Sarah Pendrick:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Sheila Bella:
I like that. I'm going to write that down.
Sarah Pendrick:
Yeah. Experiment, test it out.
Sheila Bella:
Hey, that doesn't feel great. What about this? And just suggest it. That was good. So I want to get into the topic of social media and bullying and cancel culture. Do you know what happened to Rachel Hollis over the weekend?
Sarah Pendrick:
Yeah. With her video?
Sheila Bella:
With her video, yeah. Are you afraid that that might happen to you one day?
Sarah Pendrick:
No, because, and I'll tell you why. This is just from me doing manifestation work and just work in general on myself, I don't want to perpetuate and put things out there. I don't make up a story. It's very possible that that could happen so that's where I just have a rule, if I'm going to put out any types of videos or anything that's making a statement, I'm going to ask myself before what's my intention? Not like what are people going to think. What's my intention of it? Then I can't say it's not going to happen, but I'm not going to sit and be scared that it could, because then, me, it will stop me from speaking my truth and showing up and doing what I'm good at.
Sheila Bella:
That's great. It is a... I'm susceptible to that. I mean that could, it could happen to me. I don't want to live in fear of it. I don't want to live in fear of it, but I just know that that's possible.
Sarah Pendrick:
Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
What was your... do you know which video I'm talking about?
Sarah Pendrick:
The TikTok video, correct?
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, the TikTok video. It was taken down. For those of you who don't know what we're talking about, Rachel Hollis posted a video I think it was like Thursday night last week, and she was talking about the woman that cleans her toilets and it was in a very kind of throw away kind of way. As a matter of fact, I think for a lot of people it wasn't offensive immediately. Some people it was, but for some people I know like Amy [inaudible 00:39:17] actually had to read the comments in order to see what was so offensive about it in order to understand what was so offensive about it. And basically she got just a ton of criticism over it. So whether you agree with it or not, the point is that even your most well-intended videos or content are up for scrutiny for sure. Because that wasn't her intention, her intention wasn't to insult, it was to empower. The way she could have said it, in my opinion, could have been different. She could have gotten the same point across. But yeah, I think that we all put ourselves at risk for that.
You and I were also talking about that YouTuber that sadly committed suicide over... when was it, a couple weeks ago, because of hateful comments on YouTube. I just... I really think that this needs to be addressed because as a social media marketer I tell people to create content all the time, and I also think it's important to equip them with the risks.
Sarah Pendrick:
Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
What's possible and how to deal with those risks.
Sarah Pendrick:
Yeah, because in the marketing world it's do it, it doesn't need to be perfect, put it out, don't hold back.
Sheila Bella:
Right. That's what I try and do, but you need to be prepared for that and have grace with yourself to make those mistakes. But then you don't want the fear to be so crippling that you don't do it.
Sarah Pendrick:
Right.
Sheila Bella:
Because the good really does outweigh the bad. The benefits of being vulnerable online, in my opinion, it took me a minute to really get here, but gosh, the connections I've made, the relationships I'm part of, the community I've built from vulnerability, from that vulnerable place, it's worth it.
Sarah Pendrick:
Yeah. I feel the same. The connections, the personal development. For my first event, I wasn't even planning on going onstage. I had speakers.
Sheila Bella:
You weren't planning on going onstage?
Sarah Pendrick:
I was not going to go on my own stage my first event in 2015. I was sweating, freaking out for two weeks before it. I used to not even show my face on my Girl Talk brand. It was just the Girl Talk brand, it wasn't Sarah Pendrick. Then slowly as I became more empowered, more myself, was brave, took risks, it was a whole self development journey. I mean now I speak on stages, not currently, but before the pandemic, all over the world. I probably wouldn't have been able to even be on this podcast with you back then. So for me I asked myself is it worth the risk? Is it scary? Yes. But now I'm so happy I did it, I'm my most evolved self. I keep evolving. I think it's amazing that I was sweating for two weeks before I had to say two words at my own event. It's amazing.
So this was a tool that really supported me. It's not going to be supportive for everyone, but that's where people just need to not compare themselves to anyone else or what anyone else is doing online and really, really pay attention to their own journey. Because you'll wake up from now and be so amazed at what you've built. I think when people wake up and they're not proud of themselves or they're not feeling like... they're not feeling attached to what they've created, it's because they didn't create it from the self. It was constantly watching what everyone else is doing.
Sheila Bella:
Okay. Yeah. Question that's related, what's your advice to people who are probably looking at this, watching this, listening to this going, "Oh, Sheila. Oh, Sarah. You guys have the perfect Barbie aesthetic. Easy for you to say." What would your advice to that person be, that's not really me?
Sarah Pendrick:
Yeah. Everyone has something. They may view that as a plus but as we talked about earlier, that was really tough. It wasn't. I didn't get a lot of jobs or invited to a lot of things in our industry because of that until they knew me and they were like, "Oh wow, you're amazing. Yes." But when people are... it's just like when you're at a party and people just judge you. There's a lot of positive, there's also a lot of negative. Just because my feed or whatever looks like the perfect Barbie aesthetic doesn't mean that I'm going to be successful because of that. It's only successful-
Sheila Bella:
It's a deterrent.
Sarah Pendrick:
Yeah. I was only successful in things that I did and not successful in many other things because that was... I know it's a buzz word but that was me. I don't want to say that was authentic to me because everyone says that, but that was me. So whatever you're doing, if it's you, that's what makes the difference.
Sheila Bella:
I love it. I'm so glad we got to connect here. Before we close, I want to ask you one thing. If you could share one message to... I'm going to choose someone specific. She does permanent makeup and lashes and she's in her early 20s and she aspires to be very successful and to be taken seriously and she finds that it's not happening fast enough for her and she's about ready to give up. She has bad days and she's just about ready to give up. What would you say to her?
Sarah Pendrick:
I would first just have her check in with herself. I don't know... it sounds amazing that she's in her early 20s doing this. Give yourself some grace. Wow. Check in with yourself if this is truly what you want to be doing. If it's a yes, is the way you're doing it the way that you've wanted to do it? Are you listening to what other people say? Are you listening to other people that have never done what you want to do? Who are you looking to? Check in with yourself. Ask yourself empowering questions. And if it's yes, I want to do this, no, I have not fully been doing it completely my way, change that and go for it. Because I feel like right at the end when you're about to give up, that's right when it's like I'm just going to take one more step and that's when it starts to happen.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, it's right there. The finish line is two feet away but you have a blindfold on and you have no idea.
Sarah Pendrick:
Yeah, exactly.
Sheila Bella:
That's amazing. Where can we find you on Instagram and all of the platforms, and how can we work with you?
Sarah Pendrick:
Oh my gosh. You can find me @sarahpendrick on Instagram. I do love Instagram. I'm always on there talking to my people. I love them. Obviously I love Instagram because I meet amazing people like you. You can also pre-order my book right now or depending on... if you're listening right now you can pre-order it.
Sheila Bella:
Tell us about your book.
Sarah Pendrick:
Yeah. It's called Beautifully Brave and it's kind of all the things that we've been talking about. It's a guide book. It's really, really beautiful. It goes on your coffee table. I created it as a journey of whatever you're going through in your life that you can come back to it. If you're feeling that self doubt, there's a section for that. There's the science of happiness, which it's like all the practical tangible tools that you could do right now but then why it works. Why does two minutes a day of this work and how and when and it's just really your coffee table bestie I say in a way. That might sound cheesy. But I just wanted something for women to have that they could keep coming back to and just know why and how. It's really, really magical.
About two years ago I felt that love inside myself that you would feel for someone that you're in love with or someone that you love, your partner, your friends, I actually cultivated that love inside me and it put me on this journey that I get to write a book of how I did that. Because self love is such a buzz word, but it's that kind of love where you actually really feel I love myself. That's what the book is all about and brings you on that journey. I'm really, really excited about it. It's out June 1st.
Sheila Bella:
Where can we pre-order it?
Sarah Pendrick:
Yeah. You can pre-order it right now on beautifullybravebook.com and there's a ton of epic bonuses. It's a whole journey that I'll be doing for a year with everyone.
Sheila Bella:
Oh my gosh, that's amazing. I'm going to go do that right now.
Sarah Pendrick:
Thank you.
Sheila Bella:
Instagram.
Sarah Pendrick:
Yeah, Instagram, @sarahpendrick.
Sheila Bella:
Perfect. Thank you Sarah for spending this time with us. You're awesome.
Sarah Pendrick:
Amazing. I love my coffee and water and all the drinks with you this morning.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. All the drinks.
Hey, thanks so much for listening to today's episode of Pretty Rich Podcast. If you want to continue the conversation longer, check me out on Instagram. It's my favorite place to connect with you guys, @realshellabella. I'm happy to answer any of your questions or simply to chat and get to know you better. And if you end up doing something super awesome, like screen shotting this episode and reposting it on your stories, that would put the biggest smile on my face. Don't forget to tag me.
I appreciate every share and love feedback from my listeners. Also, do you have my number? Do you have my number? Because if we're going to keep hanging out, you should probably have my number. You can actually text me. That's right, you can text me at (310) 388-4588. And if you're sick and tired of doing business alone and you're interested in accelerating your success by hiring a business coach or joining our mentorship program called Pretty Rich Bosses, go ahead and just apply. Why not? Check it out. Go to sheilabella.com/apply, and we'll schedule a free strategy session with either myself or one of my advisors. And of course, I got to include my kids. So here to send us off are Beau and Grey.
Grey, say, "Share with your friends."
Grey:
Share with friends.
Sheila Bella:
Please review my mommy on iTunes.
Grey:
Review mama iTunes.
Sheila Bella:
Thanks for listening.
Grey:
For listening.
Sheila Bella:
Hey Beau, can you tell everybody what our family motto is?
Beau:
Yeah. I can do hard things.
Sheila Bella:
I can do hard things. Good job, buddy.
