Ep. 152: WANTING TO BE BEAUTIFUL, THE STIGMA BEHIND PRETTY AND BEING IN THE BEAUTY INDUSTRY AS A LASH ARTIST, MUA, MICROBLADER OR PLASTIC SURGEON
Hey sister, do you ever get shamed for wanting to be beautiful?
Do people give you that look when you tell them your job is in the beauty industry? You know the one, the one full of judgment like you're doing something evil just because it's related to beauty and aesthetics?
Well, beauty boss, I'm tired of being shamed for wanting to be beautiful. I'm tired of this stigma behind pretty - this idea that you can't celebrate beauty just as much as you celebrate knowledge. I think it's important to be a well-rounded person, don't you? And beauty is powerful.
Beauty is confidence.
For this episode of Pretty Rich Podcast I got some of my favorite beauty bosses in the industry together to share our feelings on this stigma behind pretty, wanting to be beautiful, being judged by others, and the power of confidence that comes from beauty - whatever beauty means to you.
This is a really powerful episode. So what are you waiting for?
Here are the episode highlights:
‣‣ [02:09] First I want to start with a story that inspired this episode.
‣‣ [10:10] Carla opens up the conversation with the question: what is something that you care about aesthetically that you're afraid of being judged for? Jackie talks about losing her hair, Shay talks about being diagnosed with cancer and having a surgical scar across her throat, and Carla talks about the struggle of being bullied over her curly hair and finding proper ways to care for it.
‣‣ [32:10] When Jackie lost all of her hair, I actually tattooed her brows for her. You can watch the video here, but Jackie talks about that experience and the feeling of having brows again here.
‣‣ [39:25 Jody shares a big motto in the cancer community: if you look good, you feel better.
‣‣ [40:11] Let's talk about how beauty is a feeling: you can't define it because it won't be the same for everyone. Everyone's idea of beauty is different.
‣‣ [44:46] What is something in your culture related to beauty and aesthetics that is normalized and socially acceptable WITHIN your culture, but stigmatized outside?
‣‣ [54:41] Circling back to the first story I shared, the girls and I talk about being examples for our children and raising them to know that however they feel beautiful is good and not judging them for whatever they feel.
I WANT TO BEAT THE STIGMA! (Listen Here)
I'm so grateful that these incredible PMU artists, educators, and speakers joined me for this episode. Make sure to follow them all on Instagram!
Shay Danielle @shaydanielle.pmu
Carla Ricciardone @sculptedstudios
Jody Stoski @jodystoski
Jackie Nguyen @jackienguyenx
Amanda Rose @hyvebeauty
You can follow me, Sheila Bella, on Instagram @realsheilabella!
Here are the links that were mentioned in the podcast!
Pretty Rich Bosses
The Elusive Clubhouse Course
Text me! (310) 388-4588
FOR MY LISTENER BOSS BABES
You can enjoy this podcast by downloading it on iTunes here.
(Life Hack: Subscribe to Pretty Rich Podcast to get the LATEST EPISODE downloaded to your phone AUTOMATICALLY)
FOR MY READER BOSS BABES
You can enjoy a transcript of the podcast here.
Sheila Bella:
Eyebrows are a big deal. Lashes are a big deal. Hair and makeup is a big deal. Have you ever been villainized for being in the beauty industry? And, has anybody ever accused you for enabling the insecurities of women? I have. And we're going to talk all about it in this group conversation that we had on Clubhouse right here on Pretty Rich Podcast. welcome to Pretty Rich Podcast, where you're totally the heroine of your own story. I'm your host, Sheila Bella, and I felt a seven figure PMU Beauty biz, and a seven figure online biz without a degree, without a fancy website or a sugar daddy.
And if you and I hang out on here long enough, you're going to start to believe that you can do it too. How about that for a side effect of listening to this podcast? Because you really can. I know you think, "I don't know you. I've no idea who you are," but I do. I really, really do because, I am you. I was you and I believe, we are all on the same journey together. My perfect job didn't exist, so I created it. The job I wanted, wasn't having me, wanted nothing to do with me, so I skipped the line and hired myself as CEO. Just like you can.
So consider me your secret beauty biz BFF. In case you need to be reminded on a weekly basis, that power is never just handed to you. You have to take it. Are you ready beauty boss? Let's jump in. What's up you guys? It's Sheila Bella. Oh my gosh, I have a good one for you. We're talking all about wanting to be beautiful. It's really interesting. So I have a friend who has daughters and every time she tells her daughter, "Oh my gosh, you're so pretty. You're so pretty Sophia. You're so pretty Sabrina." She has friends and family members who always remind her. "Well, tell her she's smart too. Tell her immediately she's smart too."
And my friend always says, "Yes, I tell her she's smart, I also do. But in this instance, I'm telling her she's also pretty. Why can't it be both?" Now I understand that an extreme focus on just looks is unhealthy. And in that same breath, I believe that telling women and young girls that, caring about the way they look makes them a bad and shallow person, is also just as damaging. I don't know if this podcast is for you take it or leave it, but those are my honest thoughts. And we're going to have a very honest and open conversation with some of my dearest friends in the permanent makeup industry, Shay Danielle, Jody Stoski, Carla Ricciardone, Amanda Rose, and Jackie Nguyen. We're going to get a deep, you guys.
Now I want to also remind you that this is a recording. Don't worry. All of the Clubhousers were informed that today we're being recorded. This is a recording from the app called Clubhouse. This app is insane you guys, are you on it? If you're hearing about Clubhouse for the first time on this podcast, let's talk. You need to actually be on it and not just hear about it. And I know what you're thinking. You're like, "Sheila, another social media app to keep up," ooh, that's what I thought too. That's what I thought too. When people were trying to get me on Clubhouse, I was like, "Oh no, no. No. No. Thank you. I don't want to grow a following on yet another social media app."
I was wrong. This app is super low maintenance, it's audio only. It's audio only. It's not something that you have to check in on every single day. And right now, growing on Clubhouse is so easy. Like back in the day, when Instagram first started, it was so much easier to grow on Instagram. That's exactly where Clubhouse is right now. It's still in the beta mode, it's still in the startup process, so I truly believe that those who get in early on this app. are going to win. And everybody is going to be kicking themselves for not listening to Pretty Rich Podcast and Sheila Bella when she said, "Get on Clubhouse, it is changing the marketing game."
And I'm telling you, it's not as difficult or as high maintenance as you guys might think. I'm not going to recommend anything to you guys that isn't going to ultimately boost your bank account, your authority, and your position in the industry. Guys give Clubhouse a shot. And if the whole thing is straight up just confusing you, I have a very inexpensive online course that will teach you step-by-Step, how to do it. How to utilize it, how to use this app for sales. Because for those of you who are on this app, but maybe you're not seeing the sales, well, it's probably because you're not using it the right way.
So I have a very simple tutorial. It's simple yet thorough. I have a very simple yet thorough tutorial. It's called the Elusive Clubhouse Unlocked where I walked you through A to Z, what you need to know if you're going to join Clubhouse and expect to get sales from it. And if you want to get on it and download this tutorial, because you're convinced now that you're going to give this thing a real shot, trust me, downloading this course is going to make your learning curve a lot faster. So if you want to download it, you're in, all you need to do is text me the words, Clubhouse Course. Text me the words, Clubhouse Course, to (310) 388-4588, that's area code, (310) 388-4588. Text the words Clubhouse Course. So simple.
And plus I like texting with you better. It's a much more personal relationship. I get feedback from you. And speaking of texting, if you just text me any feedback from anything I just said, anything I said on this podcast, right? Or any views that I may have missed, or any perspectives that maybe I didn't discuss, or maybe you have a different perspective. I'm so open to chatting with you about it. And yet, it's the same number, area code (310) 388-4588. So like I said, this particular episode of Pretty Rich Podcast was recorded live on Clubhouse. And another thing that's awesome about Clubhouse is that it's a live podcast recording. Do you ever wish that you can chime in on these podcast episodes? I wish you could. And Clubhouse takes care of that for me and for us.
And so, this was a live podcast recording on Clubhouse. The topic was, Wanting to be Beautiful. Wanting to be Beautiful, and it was very collaborative. We got a lot of different perspectives from a lot of leaders in the industry and all of the moderators and the speakers were informed that this was going to be a podcast. It is a live recording. And guys, listen, the beginning of this recording, I'm not present. So if you live in Southern California, then you know all about, the crazy Santa Ana Winds that have been taking over. That have been taking over Sou Cal. The winds are crazy, they're at 30 miles per hour, it's insane. So the winds took down some internet box in my neighborhood and I lost internet completely, right when this podcast was being recorded. Right when this Clubhouse was first starting.
So the beginning of it, I was not there. So what happened was, I got in my car and I drove to where I had a strong cellular network. I don't even know where it was, some strange neighborhood. And I just did the recording from my car. It's pretty awesome. So in case you're wondering that is what's up. That's why it's starting without me. Okay guys here it is, Wanting to be Beautiful.
Carla:
So today guys, we want to talk about, Wanting to be Beautiful. So that's a topic of conversation for tonight. And being that so many of us are in the permanent makeup industry, we deal with this all the time, but there's so many different aspects of beauty. And so, we wanted to dive a little bit deeper and to talk about that a little bit more tonight and just what our experience has been in the industry, good, bad and otherwise, regarding that topic. So what we do for a living is, we make people feel beautiful, in many different ways. And so much of that, although it's being internal changes for our clients that we spend time with. And there's so many different stories that touched each client that we work with.
So I want to take a second and I'm going to ask you guys a couple of questions and I'd love to hear your answers and just strike up some conversations surrounding that. So the first question I have, and I'm not going to direct it at anyone, we'll maybe just take turns and share our thoughts on the topic. But, I want to know, what is something that you care about aesthetically that you may or may not be embarrassed to admit because maybe you feel like you might be judged? Who wants to take that one?
Jackie:
I'll go. I mean, it's a difficult question for me because, like I said, I'll go into my story, but about five years ago, I lost all my hair. I had hair down to my back, I'd never dyed it, super straight Asian hair and, one day in the shower I was taking shower and like lumps and lumps and lumps just melted into my palms. And I had gone to the hospital, I just did not know what was going on. And so, the doctors were like, "It's because of your anxiety and your depression, you have alopecia." I didn't know at the time what that even was. And so, I jumped into the journey of losing all my hair. I lost all my eyebrows. I lost my eyelashes, and I was just completely bald.
And it was, for any person, it would be really difficult but, for my career, I was a Broadway actor, living in New York. And so a lot of my work was determined by my appearance, how I looked and it became extremely difficult. And a lot of people kept saying like, "Well, you are ... My style is pretty funky, so everyone was like, "You rock the bald look. You look so cool and you look so bad-ass." And I really struggled with that because I was like, "Look, I want my hair back. Yes, I don't have cancer and I'm so grateful for my life, but, it's still an autoimmune disease, it still sucks. I don't know when my hair would grow back."
And I always felt guilty for being like, "Yeah, but I want my hair back, but I don't have cancer. And my eyebrows." And it was a really tough journey for me because, I felt like I lost my femininity, I felt like I lost my identity. And it wasn't, for me personally, wearing a wig and trying to put makeup on every day, just felt inauthentic. It just was really difficult. And so, I think, to answer your question, it's honestly my hair. I know women would freak out if they went to a salon and was like, "Hey, can you trim off an inch and give me a few highlights?" And then they came up and it was a buzz cut. And that's the only way I could try and describe it to people because they were like, "Well, it's just hair."
And I was like, "Listen, if you went to a fricking hairdresser and you were like, just cut off an inch and they cut off the whole thing, you would probably cry." So I want to just say, physically, my hair. And it was important to me and it still is. And sometimes I get a little bit guilty. I have a full remission now, all my hair has grown back. But I'm at probably like 90%, so I still have some ball patches that I can cover up. So that's my story.
Carla:
All right.
Jackie:
That's my story.
Shay:
Wow. Jackie, I can't even imagine, honestly. I feel like, as women, it's what we hold onto. Our hair, I mean, I freak out if I get a little bleached damage, let alone having to experience that. And in the industry that you're in at the time as well, just sheer panic. It must've been so difficult for you.
Jackie:
Yeah, it was awful. It was my worst nightmare. You wake up and you're like, talk about a bad hair day. It's gone and the worst part is that you don't know if it'll come back. And my eyebrows too, not having eyebrows made me feel like an alien and it wasn't like ... I don't know. And makeup on complete their skin, and that was before microblading was super popular. So it was really hard.
Jody:
Jackie not to answer Shay, so I work a lot in the grief realm and stuff and your story is one of actually significant loss. I know when you're like, "But I didn't get cancer," but, that doesn't negate how powerful and serious that loss was for you. Cancer or not, I just want to name that for you, because my whole body is having a very strong reaction to your story. I don't feel like it is just ... Yeah. Girl. And it's almost violent in a way that it happens because it's non-consensual, right?
Carla:
Oh, yeah.
Jody:
I don't know how [crosstalk 00:15:16]. But I see that and I don't feel like it needs ... There's no diminishing that, especially of course the industry that you're in. But like any woman, like Shay says, our hair is a part of our daily ritual, our identity. How we show up, the things that we do, it's part of our self-expression. So it's a very intimate thing. So I just really want to honor that you've walked through and healed through that really beautifully.
Jackie:
Thank you. Thank you.
Shay:
I thought I'd jump in and put my two cents into that Jackie. That is such a tough go. I get the struggle of, I'll I'll share mine with you guys. So, in 2013, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and so, just being a young mom, that's obviously super scary. And because I work with so many people that have gone through that journey, it was almost like, I knew a little bit too much for my own good. So not that it's not terrifying if you don't know, but to me, it felt even more terrifying because, I did know I've lost many clients to terminal cancer and you just never know what that's going to look like for you. So navigating that was tricky.
I had a full thyroidectomy and had a massive scar on my throat, which I became super self-conscious about. I had thoughts like, "People are going to think I tried to kill myself." I just was so hyper aware of people looking at my neck, when they would talk to me. And then afterwards, they ended up also diagnosing me with Hashimoto's, which is another auto-immune issue. And, as my thyroid, well, my lack of thyroid moved on, I just probably lost half of my hair, half of my eyebrows, my eyelashes are horrendous. So I even get like being in this industry, having to almost feel a certain way, that you can put your best foot forward all the time so people don't come in with a thought or a feeling like, "Well, if you don't have good eyebrows, you certainly can't put good eyebrows on me. Or, if you don't look good, how are you going to make me look good?"
So I think there's a lot of emotion tied to beauty and what you think is feminine or gives you confidence. And when that is taken away from you, you're so challenged to sort of [inaudible 00:17:56] hang on. So I think, it's then I certainly just [inaudible 00:18:00] or just feeling about [inaudible 00:18:22]. [inaudible 00:18:22]. I'm wondering if you guys feel the same way. I feel like my definition or my feelings towards beauty has changed dramatically in my [inaudible 00:18:33] how the beauty features and things that used to bother.
Carla:
Just to add to that Shay, I think totally agreeing with you since you do [inaudible 00:18:45]. You kind of [inaudible 00:18:50] owning it almost gives you more confidence in doing that for yourself, and then, even sharing that energy with other people. I have clients [inaudible 00:19:04] and I think, even being able to share that [inaudible 00:19:12] feature on you where, it is for them is just such a [inaudible 00:19:19] old and whatever. It's like, "Oh my God, you don't look anywhere near your age." It's so [inaudible 00:19:27] to that [inaudible 00:19:32] or bullied. [inaudible 00:19:42] back due to school and I spent dealing with, being one of the prettiest like that.
I used to be teased for [inaudible 00:20:05] curly hair that nobody knew what to do with when I was young. I mean, to put it in perspective, I was younger, the only hair products out there for curls was hairspray, and nobody knew what to do with it. And my mother had straight hair. So I [inaudible 00:20:22], I had Bucky Beaver. And the bullying got so bad [inaudible 00:20:33] I truly [inaudible 00:20:37] probably, my whole life, [inaudible 00:20:44] permanently for some [inaudible 00:20:47]. [inaudible 00:20:46] that I never been [inaudible 00:20:52] been [inaudible 00:20:54].
And to be able to walk into my office every day and help someone feel different about themselves. To be able to empower them, [inaudible 00:21:15] but to feel supported by that, it's this big circle of just [inaudible 00:21:22] and forgiveness. So I can't be more thankful for that. I can't [inaudible 00:21:28] put their trust in me and I can't be more thankful for the artists who learn from us in addition to carry that torch, to make it a little bit more than superficial. This stuff goes skin deep. It goes bone deep. It's depth. It is decades old and it relieved so much of it that I look in the mirror and I'm happy to see what I see now.
And I have, appearing on my face and on my body, and it's a blessing. It really is [inaudible 00:22:00]. As artists, I don't think you guys may or may not know, the river really runs and the gifts that you give and what you give back.
Jody:
That was so beautiful. Carla.
Sheila Bella:
I think I'm back.
Jody:
Talking about Sheila, welcome.
Sheila Bella:
I drove. I drove down the street.
Jody:
Every time Carla talks, I fall more and more madly in love with her. I can't even right now. You're such a blessing, Carla.
Carla:
Oh, I feel the same way about you too. And Sheila, so welcome back. So welcome back.
Sheila Bella:
So, did everyone answer the first question, pretty much? Sure. I just want to make sure if you guys [crosstalk 00:22:53].
Jody:
Introduce yourself my love. Let's just do a reset and see if you can say hello to everybody.
Sheila Bella:
Oh, hi? Hi, you guys. My name is Sheila Bella. These guys are some of my closest friends in the industry. And this is a recording for my podcast, Pretty Rich Podcast, which I will not be present for it for the first 15 minutes of it. And that's okay. I'm a beauty business strategist, I'm an online beauty business coach. And I'm also, a microblader. So I just fell in love with this topic because it's something that I struggle with that maybe a little bit differently. So I think the first question was what's something that I really care about that I might feel guilty to admit, because I'm afraid I might be judged.
So this just came up while you guys were talking, when I was a teenager, middle school teenager, the awkward years that people are. We're all so awkward and your self esteem is so fragile at that time. And I'll never forget. So I have a half sister that's six months older than me. That's another podcast, let's not talk about that right now. And we grew up together. And at the time, when you're in middle school and high school, you're looking at that stuff. That stuff when you're a teenager is important to you at the time. You don't know how to fit in yet, you're not comfortable in your own skin yet. And I remember constantly being compared to her.
And in the Filipino community, people are very blunt. It's not an excuse, but it's something that is in our culture. For those of you Filipino you know, every family party you go to, every gathering you go to, they always comment about your weight or your looks, and it's just accepted. Nobody stands up for anybody, that's just how it is. And I remember being compared to my sister a lot. And the comments went something like this, "She's a natural beauty, you're not. You put makeup on. She's a natural beauty, look at her." But that wasn't my style.
And it was very damaging to me as a young girl. I felt like I was a bad person or a vain person or not as attractive because I chose to wear makeup, but it just wasn't my style. And I remember feeling super insecure about that. And even throughout my life, because I just like to dress up. I like to dress up, I like hair, I like makeup, I like colors. We're artists, I like playing with my hair color, I like playing with my looks. And I've always felt a little bit of a judgment or a lot of judgment from certain people that, that wasn't real beauty, right? But, I mean, we're all artists here.
To me, it's my artistic expression. I think I would get so bored with the same hair color or the same hairstyle, or playing with the same eyeshadow palette every single day. It's just my thing. And I think it's really damaging when people say that looks don't matter, right? That looks don't matter, that you're a bad person for caring. And it's also really damaging to put pressure on young girls to look a certain way. I think both are true. I think the point of this whole thing is really to stop shaming each other.
And I agree with you Shay that the older I get, I appreciate beauty and the variety of forms, more than I did when I was younger. I appreciate scars now and just imperfections, I find really beautiful. And I hope it goes without saying, obviously, that, beauty is only skin deep, it matters is on the inside. Of course. Of course. Inner beauty is the most important. But I hate it when people who don't know what we do believe that what we do isn't meaningful, like it's vain. And before I got into this industry, I didn't have a deep understanding of how incredibly false this perception was.
But like you guys were saying, I know what it's like to hand a client a mirror and see tears rolling down her face because she feels like herself again, right? And so, to say that aesthetics are unimportant and do not matter at all is not true. And I think we all know that, it holds some importance in the world, to others and it's important to us individually. But I think people keep pushing this idea, especially the young people that it doesn't matter at all, what's on the outside and if you care, you're a bad person. I don't know if you guys experienced that kind of judgment from people. Do you guys do that? Do you guys experience that?
Carla:
Yeah. I mean, I'm the same as you Sheila. It's not very often you'll catch me without lashes on, but it makes me feel good. And Sheila and I talked about this earlier and I believe that beauty is a feeling and that feeling is different for everyone. Everybody has a different opinion of what beauty means to them. We joke about the makeup or the clothes that we pick out and the way we style our hair but, who are we really doing it for at the end of the day?
Sheila Bella:
Us.
Carla:
Exactly. For us. I don't put makeup on because I know Blair is going to like it. He's the one who's always like, "You don't need Botox, you're beautiful without that stuff."
Sheila Bella:
Oh my gosh, we have the same husband.
Carla:
And I appreciate him and he's so kind. And he fell in love with me on the inside and not me on the outside, which is a blessing for him to say that I'm so grateful. But I'm also like, have to remind him once in a while like, "I don't get Botox for you. It's how it makes me feel." And I don't like being judged for it. And I get messages if I post about certain things, "Oh, you don't need that, you're too young for that, or don't mess with your face and things like that." But to each their own.
I feel exactly how you feel Sheila. I do think that, it's so much deeper than that, and I shouldn't be shamed or judged either way. And Jackie, you shouldn't have to feel guilty for wanting your hair back or thinking that other people have it worse and you shouldn't complain. You have the right to. It's deep rooted.
Jackie:
Right. I agree. And when I was really struggling with all that, I started looking up different studies about cancer patients, about the damage that is done to their psyche when ... And so many interviews where like women, especially when the worst of their cancer journey was not chemo, it was not anything, it was losing their hair, losing their identity. It was the hardest emotional part for them. And so, in essence, I don't know, I always felt like I had to defend myself by being like, "No, this is hard. This is really difficult." And I just hated having to do that.
Because I was like, "Man, why do I have to explain to you why this sucks?"
Shay:
Jackie, did you find when you had the alopecia and you had said you lost the brows and the eyelashes, did you find those features more traumatizing to lose than the hair on your head? Because so many clients that I have that have alopecia, and maybe it's just because there's so many amazing wigs and things that you can utilize, but most of them say it was the facial features, just because you undeniably look sick.
Jackie:
Yes. The eyebrows for me was what really broke me down. Because, like I said, it was five years ago, this is when microblading was just really taking off, but it was so expensive. And I was like, "What? No facial hair at all?" That was the hardest part. I think it made my alopecia a reality. And it's much different than ... I don't know. That was the hardest part, eyebrows were the hardest part for me.
Sheila Bella:
Wow. [crosstalk 00:32:10].
Jody:
Jackie, I want to know, how did you feel after Sheila put eyebrows back on you? Walk us through that.
Sheila Bella:
It's on YouTube. It's on YouTube.
Jody:
Really?
Jackie:
It's literally on YouTube. But, well, I spent the night before literally stalking Instagram and just looking and looking and looking and just wondering, "Oh my God, is this real? I don't even know what it's going to look like?" I felt I was giving myself a piece of me back, that I had control over, I guess. Because when you have alopecia, you lose control. You don't have any say because it just happens. And so it wasn't just a beauty thing, it was more of an emotional attachment and also a freedom, in a sense, because I felt like a prisoner to alopecia.
And so, having Sheila, especially her, being the one to give me the brows and I just looked at myself and I just felt like I could see myself again. Just for a second. Because I was still bald, but seeing eyebrows on my face, it's unlike any other feeling. Because when you lose it and you will never get it back, you think that this is the reality you have to live with. But Sheila gave me a different reality and I was able to feel feminine, honestly. I felt like a woman again.
Sheila Bella:
Oh girl, you're going to make me cry all over again. I just want to say also that, Jackie, the night before I did your eyebrows that day, you wrote an article for the Huffington Post, all about how excited you were. And there was a line in there and then you said, "I am allowed to want my eyebrows back. I'm allowed to want my hair back." And it goes along in alignment with the wounds and the judgment that I've experienced from childhood, that, I'm allowed to want long eyelashes. I'm allowed to want a different hair color.
But it hurt me even more when I was so proud of that article, I presented it to, I'm not going to say who, but one of Will's family members, and this person said that, "If eyebrows are that important to you, that your priorities are skewed." I couldn't believe it.
Carla:
Oh, they clearly haven't lost their eyebrows.
Jackie:
Right.
Jody:
Yep.
Sheila Bella:
It doesn't matter. It was just villainized. And that was such a beautiful day, Jackie, the day that we organized a charity day, Alopecia Day of love. I wish every day could be like that. I imagine it is like that for a lot of paramedical tattoo artists. It was just such a beautiful day, and even that was filmed. And even after that, this person still didn't see the meaning and the beauty in it. And I find myself upset that they ... I still want to convince them that this a meaningful, beautiful thing. But some people just don't see it or refuse to see it. I don't know. I struggle with that to this day.
Carla:
Well, I still want to convince this person that they're just wrong. Oh, yeah. I also had Hashimoto's then I have very thick hair and I only experienced just a small amount of what you did, Jackie, when you lost your hair. I became very, very hyperthyroid and I became an inflatable person. And alongside that, I lost about, over 50% of my hair. I lost all my eyebrows and my eyelashes as well. So that for me was deeply traumatizing. And I also had a brand new baby. So my life was a bit of a shit show for a while.
But I remember being in the shower and just the handfuls and handfuls of Ziploc freezer bags of hair coming out in the shower.
Sheila Bella:
Wow.
Carla:
And so that's why I just really wanted to acknowledge because I have walked, not all the way through that, and nowhere near the deep pain and loss of that fully, but I experienced the fear, the very real fear around that. And also feeling like I was suddenly not really a woman, because I had no facial features and my body wasn't even my own. So I know how that feels. And to get your eyebrows back, makes you immediately feel less sick, look less sick, be less sick. I don't know how, it's just so powerful. It's just so powerful.
Shay:
It's so incredibly powerful. I mean, I ripped mine out from the stress when I was, 16, 17 thereabouts, and I had my first set of eyebrows tattooed on probably around 18. I was in Europe, a family vacation, and my mom took me. And I remember just finally feeling whole again and also feeling I could damage myself just a little bit less. I say it like that but, there was nothing left to rip out and these weren't coming off. And it empowered me again to stop hurting myself and stop letting that stress manifest in an unhealthy way. And I started to deal with it in a much more positive way.
Just from a small little movement like that, which really wasn't very ... It seems so small at the time, but it was probably one of the most powerful things I did in this step towards seeing myself for who I was instead of what other people made me believe.
Sheila Bella:
Wow.
Carla:
There's just so much more to it. There's just so much more story to what we do and the things that really matter. Jackie, because I know that you're new to Clubhouse and Jody you're new as well, when you see us flashing our microphones like we're having some sort of convulsions, we're actually clapping and celebrating and applauding. It's like the silent applause in Hunger Games where you stretch your finger and put them up to the sky.
Jackie:
Oh, I love it.
Carla:
So that's what's happening. And even for people in the room right now, if you're new to Clubhouse and you're like, "What is going on up there?" That's our way of being able to silently celebrate and just support each other during the conversation.
Jody:
Oh my God. I thought it was like, "I wanted to speak next." So I thought, "Oh, I better not say anything, Amanda wants to talk."
Amanda:
Oh, Amanda wants to talk all the time. She's clapping all the time.
Jody:
One other thing I just wanted to add, Carla, you are so beautiful. And I can't believe these stories you're saying. One other thing-
Jackie:
Yeah. Seriously.
Jody:
Is like really. The one thing that I always say to people and it's completely not related to cancer is, if you look good, you feel better. And I know that's a big motto within the cancer community, but it couldn't be truer for everybody. So whatever that is to you, and it doesn't mean it's a brow tattoo, but, those things do make a big difference, but it doesn't even have to go that deep. It could be something really little like, "I did my hair or I put on a top that I felt great in."
Shay:
Yeah. I agree, Jody. I think that you hit the nail on the head. Beauty is different for everyone. Some people might feel their absolute best with moisturizer on their face, and that is beautiful. That is great. Some people want [crosstalk 00:40:08].
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, dude.
Jody:
Yay.
Sheila Bella:
Shay I love what you said, you're just full of these Yoda moments, dude. She's like, "Beauty is a feeling."
Shay:
It's a feeling.
Sheila Bella:
It's a feeling and you can't define it and it's different for everyone.
Jody:
[crosstalk 00:40:22].
Sheila Bella:
And people just need to stop shaming each other and guilting each other and judging each other. And just know that you are not in that person's body. You have no idea what their life experiences or why this matters to them. Why they care so much or why they don't care as much. To each their own. And I think, we're all in agreement here that, we just need to stop being bitches to one another.
Carla:
And I think surrounding yourself too with people who empower you is such a strong move. It's really easy to surround yourself with people who will take that power from you because, it's like this need to almost get it back, right? It's this pull and push. And if they disapprove of you, you work harder for their approval. And you when you find people in your life ... There happens to be a nice gentleman in this room who also empowers me greatly and pushes me beyond what I think I see and really holds a true mirror up to me.
And I know Sheila, your Will does that for you, and I know Shay, your Blair does that for you. And I know Amanda, your partner does that for you. And finding people like that, it helps us women get out of our womanhood a little bit, because, right? We can get into this repetitive pattern-
Shay:
We get in our own way Carla. We get usually get in our own way.
Carla:
Exactly. Exactly. And there's something for that and there's also something for all of you beautiful, strong women in here. I never thought in my life that I would have this many girlfriends, true friends. I always thought that, other women couldn't be friends with other women, there was just no way, that there had to be the problem. Because, maybe it wasn't me but maybe I just couldn't have women. And I have found all of you and I am ... Man. I mean the grateful cup is just overflowed into a bucket, which is overflowed into the ocean. And I love you all.
Shay:
Amen sister. Absolutely.
Sheila Bella:
Love it.
Shay:
It's actually breathtaking what's going on in the world, in the sisters, in the very open sister's circle, you know?
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. I love it. Do you want more clients? Do you want more customers or students for your training? Do you want to build a profitable online beauty business that teaches other people how to do what you do? I know you know that I'm the host of this program, but, what you may not know is that, I've built two multiple, seven figure beauty businesses. One, a permanent makeup studio and the other, a profitable online business. And both of them make six figures a month. And I'm on a mission to help every woman I meet, do the same thing. My mentorship program, Pretty Rich Bosses, is pretty incredible.
It's my online mentorship program where, it's one-on-one, and it's also group. It's something that I've built to help beauty entrepreneurs just like you, find their way to success so that they can meet their highest potential. And if you're wondering if this is going to work for you, and you're wondering, is this a scam? Don't just take it from me, listen to these incredible testimonials from real students currently, in the program.
PRB Student #1:
I was able to quit my corporate job and I quadruple my incomes since them.
PRB Student #2:
Pretty Rich Bosses has taught me how to make more money than I've ever dreamed of, in the middle of a dynamic.
PRB Student #3:
I went from homelessness to $88,000.
PRB Student #4:
I was able to sell enough courses in two weeks, to make my full six month program investment back.
PRB Student #5:
Because of Sheila, in my first few weeks, I closed five clients in my coaching program and I'm not even in microblading.
PRB Student #6:
The honest sales strategies have led to the most bookings I have ever had.
PRB Student #7:
I got to tell you, last week, I made 5K working from home and not even launching my freaking full courses yet.
Sheila Bella:
If you're ready for transformations just like these, go to sheilabella.com/apply. And let's set up a complimentary strategy call, to see if Pretty Rich Bosses can help you get the results you know you deserve too. Again, go to sheilabella.com/apply.
So let's ask the next question. It's a little challenging so if you have an answer, go ahead and answer. But I'll go first. What is something that is viewed as beautiful in your culture or upbringing, not just beautiful, but, how about socially acceptable, right? In your culture or upbringing, but maybe viewed as provocative or vain in others? So let's get into some perspective here. Chinese footbinding is very normal, right? It was very normal for that culture at the time. So I want to acknowledge that different cultures, and we're in the United States, where it is a melting pot of different cultures, have different quote unquote rules. But it's just a matter of, "Where is the line? Where is the line?"
So Jackie and I were talking about this, for example, in our Asian culture, plastic surgery it's nothing. It's very socially acceptable. Right Jackie? It's what you do when you're wealthy. That's it.
Jackie:
Yes. In the Korean culture, getting a nose job is literally like your sweet 16 birthday. And then for Vietnamese, it's like, if you get your boobs done or your eyelids or your teeth fixed, that just means you're really wealthy. It's less about the actual beauty.
Sheila Bella:
Change.
Jackie:
It's like, "Oh, she got something done that means she has class or she's up there."
Carla:
Like a status thing almost.
Sheila Bella:
It is.
Shay:
Absolutely.
Sheila Bella:
Also, I mean, a bunch of celebrities in the Philippines that's just what you do. You're right. It's like, for your 16th birthday or for your 18th birthday, that's just what you do. And I've had my share of attachments, artificial attachments. And we can talk about that, if anyone wants to know. But I remember knowing this innately that, it was not accepted in American cultures, certain American culture. Certainly not the one I married into, and I hate it. Not my boob job because that one was like, "Okay." Sorry about that.
Because it was ginormous you guys, it was, when I had my implants. But, yeah, I've had my nose done, I've had my chin done, I've had liposuction done. What else do I have? My cheeks are mine, I have never had eyelid surgery, but I did have a lot ... I've had my lips done several times at, I had Botox and I got all of this stuff you guys, when I was 17. And if you're shocked by that, it's so normal in Filipino culture. And I hid it from my husband's family for a long time because I knew innately that I would be judged for it. But then, my husband, he's such a ... I don't know. He makes you think a little too hard.
And he's like, "Isn't that the same thing as braces though? If you think about braces, it's barbaric, but it's socially accepted." And, well, you're literally putting wires in children's mouths and it hurts. So where is the line? And it's for no other reason than for them to be able to get a good job. Where is the line? It's different for everyone and for every culture. You guys ever think about that, how barbaric braces can be? [inaudible 00:48:25] breaking down like that.
Jackie:
Speaking honestly from somebody who's had them, and I can talk from the other side. Growing up, we didn't have anything and I grew up on food stamps. And I remember my mother just saying things like, "If I could just afford to get you braces."
Sheila Bella:
Aww.
Jackie:
If I could just afford to helping my mom, she cleaned houses and homes and I helped her. Of course, and the kids that I went to school with, so you can get the teasing part. But I remember the day that I finally could get them because, we had saved enough and I was going into college.
Sheila Bella:
Wow.
Jackie:
It was my freshman year of college and I got to get these braces and I remember how excited I was, but I couldn't really figure out why. I was more excited that my mom was excited than I was excited about them.
Sheila Bella:
Aww. Yeah.
Jackie:
Because she wanted to do this big thing for me. This was going to fix me. And I remember having such a negative flavor in my mouth, no pun intended, about having to have this really painful thing. The orthodontist stick his foot up on the chair and pull to tighten these things. And I couldn't eat anything but soft foods for a week. And I remember just saying to myself, "Okay, mom, I know you're really happy about this, but can I please take them out now? They're terrible. And I hate them."
I mean, grateful for it. I guess now, I don't have these big gaps in front of my teeth. But I had like that Lauren Hutton gap, which everybody thinks is so beautiful and so sexy. We could have just left it alone and I would have ... I don't know if I really would have cared too much about it, but, yeah. I remember doing it more for her from that perspective, so I'm on the opposite side, I guess. But I think you're right, Sheila, when you say that, there is some cultural stuff.
As I opened up down here in Miami, I get a lot of that Latin American culture that's coming up from South America. And to get your ears pinned back or your boob job at 14 and or 16, to get your breasts done or liposuction, or BBLs, it's just so normal. And I'm just a little blown away by, not judgmental, but just the normalcy of it, I guess, is a little jarring for me. Number one, we could never afford things like that and number two, I couldn't believe how just cultural it was, I guess, is where I'm going with that.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, I totally hear you on that. I remember having a similar experience with braces as well. We were made, when my parents could afford braces. So I guess what I'm getting to is, we just need to stop shaming one another. Shaming young girls or just shaming people can manifest in self-destructive ways. Putting a lot of pressure on young women to look aesthetically perfect, is incredibly destructive, right? So when we're talking about aesthetics, it's not to get everybody to look like a Victoria secret model, it's just feeling good and becoming the best version of yourself and taking pride in your imperfections and your uniqueness.
And I think there's a lot of guilt and shaming for wanting to be beautiful these days, too. In an unhealthy amount of pressure that the media throws at us to look like a Bratz doll. And you know what's really confusing to me is that the mainstream narrative is, "Looks don't matter," while they bombard us with images of flawless women. This is really a problem.
Jody:
I think too, it's now it's spilling over onto males as well, which is a bit of a turn.
Carla:
I couldn't agree with you more Jody.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, that's true.
Carla:
And it's like, do people get on Instagram anymore without a filter running? I have a 16 year old son and he is obsessed, it's a little bit terrifying. It's the social media, it's everything, but he is just as bad as a 16 year old girl. And it just makes me think, wow, that has really changed over the years. I don't know if it's good that it's a little bit more balanced, so maybe they could see the other side of it. But, it's getting painted across the whole map now.
Shay:
It's so interesting. I've got two little girls, Layla is seven and Mavis is four and I've had my boobs done. I actually also have Hashimoto's, this is like the Hashimoto's club.
Sheila Bella:
Wow.
Shay:
So I have severe hypothyroidism and my weight fluctuated quite a bit to when I was younger and nobody really knew why. I was never tested. I was just pleasantly plump in high school and had these massive, massive boobs. My nickname in high school was actually Boobs McGee, and all in fun. I used to like it actually. And then, I got hypothyroidism. I was diagnosed probably eight years ago. And so, I got really like sickly thin, really, really thin and it was because of that. And everyone, it was the opposite. People gain weight and they can get teased and it was the opposite for me. I lost a bunch of weight for medical reasons that were out of my control and I was getting judged.
People were thinking I was bulimic, I was anorexic. Friends contacting Blair saying, "Is she okay?" So it's the opposite of what other people have to deal with. And I felt so bad about myself. My bones were sticking out, I looked sick and I wanted to get my boobs done. So once I found on my meds, proper medication, my weight has been like pretty steady for probably the last six or seven years. And having my boobs done, some people might think it's vain, but it gave me so much more confidence. I felt womanly again. I felt balanced, my body felt normal. I put on clothes and I felt better about myself.
And even Blair, when I had to do it, he didn't want me to, of course, but I did it anyways. And he was afraid, he didn't want the girls to know that I had it done. I had them done maybe, three years ago. And so, we kept it a secret from them, we didn't want them to know. Because he was afraid that it was going to put in their mind that, this is normal and it's okay and you can do this too. And so, any time, if I even say, I was telling this to Sheila earlier, if I say, "Oh, Layla, I love your hair like that or you're so pretty, you're so beautiful," he has to follow up those comments with, "And you're smart and you're so smart and you're kind," which is very important too. But, I can tell her that she's pretty, I can tell her that she's beautiful as well. It doesn't take away from her being kind and smart and a good person.
Sheila Bella:
No.
Shay:
We can tell her both things. So, with the two of them, Layla is this very granola child. She doesn't want me to do anything to her hair for dance competitions. I can't even put blush on her and that's just who she is. And then the little one Maive, puts on makeup every day, she's got her own makeup drawers. She puts eye patches on, she is her mama's daughter, and that's okay, too. So it doesn't mean that, just because I like these things, that I'm raising my children to be the same way and to be obsessed with their looks. I don't believe that at all.
Sheila Bella:
I'm going to cry. I'm crying.
Shay:
Aww.
Sheila Bella:
Oh no. [crosstalk 00:56:08].
Jody:
That consciousness is so powerful. Wow.
Shay:
And it's okay. I'm like, "Maive, if you express yourself and put on blue nail Polish, that's okay." Like, "Layla, you don't want to, that's okay too." Wherever you want to be, however you feel beautiful, that's what I want for them.
Sheila Bella:
[crosstalk 00:56:27].
Shay:
We also have the responsibility to just be accepting and Sheila, like you're saying, no judgements. No judging people, we got to put that into our kids as well.
Sheila Bella:
So the reason why this hits home for me is because, when I first started dating my husband, when we first got engaged and we were talking about having a baby, my mother-in-law told him that she was worried, if I ever have a daughter, that I might give her a complex. That I might raise her, because of how I am, to believe that she had to do these things. I was blonde at the time and she had a lot of issues with me not having natural hair color. And since then, we have we've worked things out, we've talked about that and she does take it back.
But I have to say, it's still something that I think about. I feel like the damage has been done and the fact that I am a mother of all boys, messes with me sometimes. Like, "Is she right?" But then again, my entire life is devoted to empowering women. So Shay, the reason I got really emotional when you said that because, I would be the same exact type of mom. "If you don't want to do it, that's great and you're beautiful as you are." And I think that's really difficult, especially as parents because we think like, "Oh, I'm going to mess up this kid one way or another. How I'm I going to-
Shay:
Because Jody, [crosstalk 00:58:15].
Sheila Bella:
... You can try like textbook, you can them they're pretty and they're smart or never tell them they're pretty, only tell them they're smart. We're going to mess this up in one way. And I do believe that if I have a daughter, that I would raise her to have a good self-esteem, no matter what she was into. No matter what level of care she put into our outer exterior. Just because I'm this way, doesn't mean you have to be this way.
Jody:
Yeah. I believe that you exactly would be that mom, Sheila. There's just something ... I just want to circle back because I don't know if I didn't answer when we were talking about how beauty has changed. It's so, and this is part of the magic of Clubhouse and what's happening here, and I feel like everybody can feel it. It feels very sacred and very powerful and very shifting, in a lot of ways.
Sheila Bella:
Yes.
Jody:
And it's when we allow ... And here's the thing, I tell myself a story. I know we were talking about cultural things, and this might not seem like a big deal, but my roots, my background are Ukrainian, and I have a very powerful elder in my life who's my Baba who still has survived all of the pandemic and she's going to be 87 tomorrow. And tattoos, for that woman, bless her soul, is like me actively and almost angrily desecrating my body. And I have had tattoos since I was 15 years old.
And again, I hesitated even bringing this up because I just feel like some of this is much larger, but I have to also walk the talk and say nothing is too small to be named or mentioned. But, I just remember, the very first time my Baba saw my first tattoo, and just the disappointment and almost ... Because I was, and let's face it guys, I'm her favorite grand baby, and I was the first, right? So we had a very special bond. And I don't feel like she or I ever fully recovered from the just the pain of it. And I know how little ... Especially nowadays, here's the thing guys, I'm going to be 42. So that was like a long time ago for context, tattoos have only really, body tattoos on women especially, have become more mainstream and accepted, I would say, the last like 10, 15 years. And I was young.
And again, that's a way that I express myself. And I do even, I'm a little bit more hyper aware of the size and the artwork that I have on my body, being in the industry that we're being that we're in. It's only recently that I start wearing shirts without sleeves because there is that a little bit of ... Though I'm coming from the other side where I've always been a little bit edgier, you know what I mean? And so, there's that perspective too of wanting to fit in. But now, with this community and the true friendships that we have and the bonds that we have, I just feel like …
And also me cutting my hair. I have cut, in the last four years, 19 inches off my hair. It just keeps shrinking and that's been .... And bless you Shay and Sheila, I know you guys have really walked me through that journey for myself and I just ... Because I was. I was like, "Oh my God, I'm going to lose my femininity and I need to show up in the beauty industry." Right? And so, just all of these things are ... And there's just so much room for all of this beauty, right? And it needs to, not only do we need to stop shaming Sheila, but we need to actively start celebrating it.
Sheila Bella:
Absolutely.
Jody:
Celebrating all of this.
Sheila Bella:
Love it. Love it. Love it. Guys, I think that's our time. Do you guys have any closing remarks before we wrap up? Anybody here?
Jackie:
I just want to say how grateful I am, obviously, for all of you and my amazing friends who have become family to me in this industry truly. But for this simple app, where else would we be able to spend an hour talking about a deep subject like this where, all of you guys can reflect on the things that we're talking about? Reflect on your own thoughts and get to know us on a much deeper, more personal level than we could ever share on like Instagram or Facebook? It is so powerful and we can't …
Clubhouse to me is just next level, it's very, very different than anything we've experienced before, and [inaudible 01:03:18] before. And I love these single topic conversations. Typically guys, we do open it up for questions and answers but, there's just so much to talk about on this. So I hope we kept you engaged and we'll definitely open up a Q&A on the next episode, next week on Monday. But thank you guys for spending this time with us. It's been a beautiful hour. It's been really enlightening to everybody's story.
Carla:
Incredible. Thank you for having me.
Shay:
Yes. Thank you so much.
Carla:
Thank you.
Amanda:
Thank you so much.
Carla:
Thank you.
Shay:
Thank you.
Amanda:
I have to say this, because Carla mentioned this and I think to speak to Shay, she said, you know Amanda when I hear you voice and when I hear you speaking on Clubhouse, I can almost taste your energy. And I just thought that was such a beautiful, juicy thing to say and why this is magical because, there's so much more than the visual going on here right now, right? And thank you for allowing me to be a part of this amazing conversation.
Sheila Bella:
I'm so glad you guys came up. I'm so glad. I lost connection so you guys can come up. This is wonderful.
Shay:
We always got your back baby.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, man.
Carla:
Always.
Sheila Bella:
Wow.
Amanda:
I know. They both texted me, they're like, " I'll help you." I was like, "Okay, come on in."
Sheila Bella:
Perfect. That was so perfect.
Amanda:
If you guys enjoyed this chat, please take a second, follow the moderators, give them some love. Hit that little bell icon next to our names so that you can always get notified anytime we're in a room. Sheila and I host a room every Monday at 7:00 PM Mountain Standard Time. And if you enjoyed this, please take a second to screenshot the screen and you can post it on Instagram, tag us. We'd love to retag you and repost the tags and anything else, Sheila?
Sheila Bella:
I wish time permitted for feedback, but it doesn't. But, I would love to continue this conversation on Instagram. So send me a DM, send any of us a DM, if any of this resonated with you. If you have an opposing thought, if you think that we missed something or a different perspective.
Shay:
Yes.
Sheila Bella:
How, I could be wrong on something or I had a blind spot, I open conversation and civil discourse. So I truly appreciate the connections made through this crazy app and the intimacy that I feel right now from this app. Thank you so much, you guys, I love you, I love you, I love you. And we'll see you guys next week.
Amanda:
Sheila, while we have you, what is our topic next week? Do you want to give them a teaser so they know what to come back for?
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. So, next week, it's going to be all about collaborations, what's to look for. Biggest mistakes when it comes to collaborations and also how to run a successful collaboration, whether that's, if you're a social media collaboration or a working partnership. That's going to be the topic.
Amanda:
That's going to be really, really awesome guys. Lots of knowledge to be heard on that call. So please join us next week and thank you guys again so much for joining us. It was a really special hour, and we'll see you guys next week.
Sheila Bella:
See you next week. Bye everyone.
Jody:
Thank you guys. Bye.
Amanda:
Bye.
Sheila Bella:
Hey, thanks so much for listening to today's episode of, Pretty Rich Podcast. If you want to continue the conversation longer, check me out on Instagram. It's my favorite place to connect with you guys at Real Sheila Bella. I'm happy to answer any of your questions or simply to chat and get to know you better. And if you end up doing something super awesome like screenshotting this episode and reposting it on your stories, that would put the biggest smile on my face. Don't forget to tag me. I appreciate every share and love feedback from my listeners.
Also, do you have my number? Do you have my number? Because, if we're going to keep hanging out, you should probably have my number, so you can actually text me. That's right. You can text me at, (310) 388-4588. And if you're sick and tired of doing business alone, and you're interested in accelerating your success by hiring a business coach or joining our mentorship program called Pretty Rich Bosses, go ahead and just apply. Why not? Check it out. Go to sheilabella.com/apply and we'll schedule a free strategy session with either myself or one of my advisors.
And of course, I got to include my kids. So here to send us off are Beau and Gray.
Grey:
Hello.
Sheila Bella:
Grey, say, "Share with your friends."
Grey:
Share with your friends.
Sheila Bella:
Please review my mommy on iTunes.
Grey:
[inaudible 01:08:08] mommy iTunes.
Sheila Bella:
Thanks for listening.
Grey:
[inaudible 01:08:10] for listening.
Sheila Bella:
Hey Beau, can you tell everybody what our family motto is?
Beau:
Yeah. I can do hard things.
Sheila Bella:
I can do hard things. Good job, buddy.
