Ep. 56: Yoga And Self Acceptance - How To Help Catapult Your Life And Beauty Business With PMU Professional Carla Ricciardone
"You start to exist in the middle. You start to exist where everything just kind of comes together. You ever float in water that's the same temperature as your body and you just lose place of yourself? That's kind of how it starts to become."
Do you maybe just want to take a moment, pause, and reread that? Let it settle?
Okay? Yeah. That's a direct quote from this episode's guest, Carla Ricciardone. You're gonna want to buckle yourself up for this one because it's jam-packed with life-changing wisdom. I'm not even kidding, you guys. And if you listen to it, you'll totally get what I'm saying.
There's this quote that I like, "True confidence is being comfortable in your own skin," and every time I think about it, I think of Carla. I don't think I've ever met anyone that's as at peace with a) who she is and b) what happens to her. She's totally content with her life, no matter her battles. And it's infectious. Every time I'm with, every time I talk to her, I just feel so centered and at peace with myself and where I'm at.
So, hopefully, that infectious energy translates through the podcast. I'm pretty confident it does. In this episode, we do a deep dive into who Carla is, both on a surface level (mom, wife, PMU artist, yoga teacher) and a deeper level (ie. her energy, her beliefs). I really think it's life-changing stuff. So buckle up and get out your notepad!
Here are the episode highlights:
‣‣ [08:40] First, Carla gives us a rundown of who she is by her titles: what she does and where she grew up.
‣‣ [10:35] Here she talks us through how she sort of fell into PMU. It all started when she fell pregnant with her daughter, Marlo, and gave birth to her at 23 weeks.
‣‣ [13:25] I personally, as a mother, can't imagine what it would be like to be in the hospital for so long watching my child fight for their life. I ask Carla what it was like and how she kept her peace during those months. She attributes her peace to her yoga practice, which she talks about more here.
‣‣ [20:09] As a Type-A personality and someone with OCD, Carla shares a practice called Santosha which helps maintain a level of complacency with everything in her life.
‣‣ [24:25] Do you know what an Ashram is? It's a deeply meditative and spiritual sanctuary in which Carla spent six months during her yoga training.
‣‣ [29:17] On my way to this interview I heard this quote from Oprah on the radio: you get in life what you have the courage to ask for. To me, this quote IS Carla. I share this with her and she takes us through her philosophy on asking for what you want in life as well as her struggle to get breastmilk to keep Marlo alive while she was in NICU.
‣‣ [44:24] When you meet Carla, and you've probably noticed it too as you listen to the episode, you notice she has an incredible level of self-awareness. Here I ask what she thinks people can do to reach this level of self-awareness and become more intentional. (hint: it's already in you)
SHOW ME THE PATH TO SELF-ACCEPTANCE! (Listen Here)
Is your life changed? I bet. It's such a blessing to know Carla. If you want to keep up with her on Instagram, right here!
You can follow me, Sheila Bella, on Instagram @realsheilabella!
Here are the links that were mentioned in the podcast!
Grow Your Gram
Online Course Workshop
FOR MY LISTENER BOSS BABES
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You can enjoy a transcript of the podcast here.
Sheila Bella:
Hey, you guys. It's Sheila Bella. You're listening to Pretty Rich Podcast. If you have been following me, particularly on Instagram, because I love the 'Gram and I love stories, and on Facebook too, then you know how obsessed I am with my event, the Pretty Ambitious Summit. To me, this is more than just any other PMU Conference. This is a movement. Finally, a positive, empowering, and soul-filled conference for PMU boss babes. How you know this is for you is if you've ever said to yourself, "I should be further along. I've been working so hard and I just feel like it's not happening for me fast enough." I've said that so many times. I know how it feels. And if you're feeling alone in this industry and in your journey and you're craving for tribe and the companionship and support of other badass ambitious souls like yourself, you need to be in this room. You deserve to be in this room, because here's the thing.
In order to succeed, there are three things you cannot do without, and that is confidence, knowledge, and community. Confidence, knowledge, and community. Makes sense, right? And that's why I've designed this event to give you those things in one epic weekend. You've got to join me at the summit. It's a live event that's guaranteed to ignite a fire in your belly, give you tools that will work, and introduce you to a network of boss babes who support you and get you. And by the way, the speaker list is lit.
You can check it out on the website, PrettyAmbitiousSummit.com, but just to rattle off a few, Tina Davies, Lili Ma, Melissa Hibbert, Desi Crowley, Amy from Minx Brows, Neeta Bhushan, Kelly Callaghan, Shay Danielle, Lexi Bowler, Emily Joy of Dollistic, and Leslie Richie, BrowBossGal. And of course, me and Anthea are going to be there. And these incredible coaches and speakers are going to be doing the work with you, right in the room. Knowledge is confidence. I always say that. Knowledge is confidence. So if branding, marketing, sales freak you out, trust me that this one weekend will transform that fear into excitement. Your net worth, by the way, is directly correlated to your network.
So at this event, you're going to get connected. You're going to get connected at Pretty Ambitious Summit with entrepreneurial humans who think like you and who might be just as lonely as you. Bossing is really hard, right? And we need each other. So what are you waiting for? Go to PrettyAmbitiousSummit.com because the net will appear for those who are brave enough to jump, because now is your chance, and if you're looking for a sign, this is it. If it's tugging on your heart strings, this is your sign. This is your moment. Make the change. Go to PrettyAmbitiousSummit.com and sign up for a seat because VIP tickets, I don't know, by the time this recording is done, VIP tickets might be sold out, actually.
Anyway, I'm looking to remedy that by adding 10 more. I'm looking to see if I can book a slightly bigger room. But you've got to go. You've got to go. I can't wait to meet you and give you a big squeeze.
Welcome to the Pretty Rich Podcast, where every woman is the heroine of her own story. I'm your host, Sheila Bella, and I built a million dollar beauty business from nothing. So maybe if you listen enough, you'll start to believe that you can do it too, because if the perfect job doesn't exist, well, you can create it. If the job you want isn't hiring you, you can unapologetically hire yourself. Each episode will equip you with empowering conversations on how to grow a lifestyle that's pretty rich in love, beauty, wellness, and financial wealth. I'm Sheila Bella, Beauty Business Coach, Celebrity Brow Artist, Global Success Speaker, Author, Serial Entrepreneur, Wife, Mother, Friend, Daughter, and Your Forever Positive Beauty Biz Sales Guru. Let's go.
Hey, you guys. Today's guest is Carla Ricciardone. I'm so excited to have her on the show. She's incredible. This is one of the deepest episodes of Pretty Rich Podcast I've ever recorded, and I think you guys are in for a real treat because you're about to meet or get to know a woman that I am so fortunate to have gotten to know at the Houston Beauty Conference and also the International Permanent Cosmetics Show. She is a master trainer for Hyaluron Pen and for Permanent Makeup, she is the CEO of Sculpted Brows and Beauty. She is a wife, she is a lover, she is a mother of a beautiful baby girl, and she has one of the richest personalities I have ever come across.
When I think of the quote, "Confidence, true confidence is basically just being comfortable in your own skin," I think of Carla. You can see, she just is, and it's not a front, and it's so relaxing to be around. But for her to get to this state of contentment and confidence didn't come easily, and we're going to chat about her story.
But before we get into her interview, I wanted to chat a little bit about how we met, and I don't know, Carla just kind of chose me, I felt like. And one of the biggest things that I promote is to choose people who choose you, who choose you first. And it took me so long to get to this mindset, and all I can say is that after motherhood, after becoming a mother, it has really shifted me into this gear. It shifted me here pretty fast because now I know that I'm choosing for my kids, and I wouldn't want anyone in their lives who didn't choose them first. And the practice of doing this made me realize, like, "Holy crap. This applies to me too." Because it's that kind of self-value that I want to model for my children and my babies.
And since I've made this shift, life has never been more joyous and more simple, and I challenge you guys to pursue quality people over mass amounts of friends and popularity and quantity. I challenge you guys to find your tribe, and once you do, love them hard.
Hey, you guys. Welcome to Pretty Rich Podcast, and I'm here with Carla Ricciardone. How are you? I'm so [crosstalk 00:07:01].
Carla Ricciardone:
Oh, amazing, Sheila. Oh my God, I'm so excited to be here. You have no idea.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. You guys are just basically going to listen in on somewhat of a catch-up, and also, me attempting my best to encompass the beautiful woman that I'm looking at right now, inside and out, which is going to be really difficult for the interviewer, but I'm really going to try my hardest.
Carla Ricciardone:
I have a feeling that you'll nail it.
Sheila Bella:
Okay. Carla, first of all, you guys should know that I spent a few days with her at the International Permanent Cosmetics Show in Miami. I stayed with her and my husband, with her family, with her beautiful family, and I have to say, this woman just blew my mind. She just rocked my world for a few days. You're kind of like an onion, right? You uncover layers. More, and more, and more. Externally, you're beautiful, but just the deeper and deeper I got, the more fascinated I became with who you are and what made you you. I have to say that you have this uncanny ability to allow others around you to just be themselves and just to relax, and I don't know how you do that, but that's kind of what I want to dive into today.
So let's just start out with a few get-to-know questions before we get deep, and then if there's anything more, we can circle back to that.
Carla Ricciardone:
Absolutely.
Sheila Bella:
Okay. So where are you from, what do you do?
Carla Ricciardone:
Okay. So I'm from Upstate New York, tiny little town called Marlboro, population 1,000 maybe. I don't know, I graduated with 60 kids if that puts it in perspective. What do I do? I am a wife, a lover, a mother, a yoga teacher, a PMU master trainer, artist, and I am me. Unapologetically so, as you pointed out. I try not to be the titles of things, so I always ask people, "What are you without all your titles?" If you took away everything that you are, what's left?
Sheila Bella:
What would that be for you?
Carla Ricciardone:
Energy and love. And everything I can give, outward. As big as that can get. There's no walls, there's no boundaries, it's permanent expansion, and the titles are just things that kind of orient my day, but if you're going to ask me who I am, I am the energy that you are around, I'm the energy that you believe in. I'm you and you're me. There's an unbelievable saying and you've asked me before, it's called 'thathwamasi', "I am that, and that I am." So it's this everything and everything all at once that's nothing else.
But what I do? I'm a mother, I'm a wife, I'm a lover, I'm a PMU artist, I'm a yoga teacher, I'm a yoga trainer, I'm a PMU trainer. That's what I do.
Sheila Bella:
Amazing. Amazing. Okay. So let's talk about the label first.
Carla Ricciardone:
Okay.
Sheila Bella:
I love what you said. Let's talk about the label first. How did you get to become a permanent makeup artist? How did you arrive at this one label?
Carla Ricciardone:
Okay. So I was a yoga teacher for many, many years, over a decade, and I got pregnant with my daughter, Marlo, after a couple of miscarriages, and I was taking it easy, so I was cutting and scaling back on my classes and I wasn't practicing, I was just teaching. And I went into labor very early, at 23 weeks, and our daughter was born one pound, and I was no longer able to teach. My body was destroyed from the birthing process and I was sitting in a NICU, trying to maintain my sanity as I was watching this one pound baby fight for her life, and I decided to take an online PMU course because why not? What else can you do sitting in a NICU? And I rolled out this table in front of her box and I started practicing microblading, and that's how I got started.
Sheila Bella:
Wow. Two major life events happening at the same time.
Carla Ricciardone:
Yeah. I didn't really see it as such, I guess. I saw it as a meditative thing. The strokes are repetitive. It's kind of like crocheting. The practice of the hand, the muscle memory. I could only go around [inaudible 00:12:10] so many times in a day, and I wanted something that was pattern oriented and repetitive to keep my mind off of everything that was going on, and I thought, I don't know, I would offer it to my friends and family if I ever really got good at it. I wasn't planning on switching careers, I wasn't planning on having a studio, I just wanted something that happened over and over again that I could do in a small space and still be able to be in the NICU with my daughter.
Sheila Bella:
That's amazing. How long were you in the NICU with Marlo?
Carla Ricciardone:
181 days. So I was actually still there. What's today's date? Today is July 26th, so I went into labor on April 15th, I gave birth to her on April 20th, and I was released from the hospital with her on August 18th.
Sheila Bella:
Wow. Congratulations.
Carla Ricciardone:
Not really. It was 120 something days, but then we ended up going back, so it was 180 days total. It was a long time.
Sheila Bella:
Incredible. Incredible.
Carla Ricciardone:
Yeah, it really is.
Sheila Bella:
I want to go back before we go and dive into PMU, I want to go back to that time. That's a long time to be in the hospital and I can't imagine, now being a mother, watching my child fight for their lives. What was that like for you?
Carla Ricciardone:
They told me when I went into labor that it was going to be this incredible rollercoaster and that for every-
Sheila Bella:
They already knew?
Carla Ricciardone:
Oh yeah. They already knew.
Sheila Bella:
Because it's 20 weeks, right?
Carla Ricciardone:
Yeah, 23.
Sheila Bella:
Oh.
Carla Ricciardone:
So she was born without ears, without real lungs, no skin. Really scary. My first question when they told me I was going to have this baby was, "Is it viable? Is she going to be alive when I give birth?" And he said yes, and he said, "We'll do our best. The chances of survival are less than 10%, and inside that 10%, there's an 80% chance she will have some kind of permanent birth defect." Whether it's in her brain, things like cerebral palsy, breathing disorders, maybe she won't walk, she might never talk. There's all these things that they tell you and you're just in labor, with two minute apart contractions, trying to process this.
It was really scary at first, and then something happened, something really unique, I guess. There were many babies that were born 23 weeks and up, some full term with more severity, but I realized that there was nothing I could do, that it was completely out of my hands. Just like being pregnant, right? It's completely out of your hands to some respect. Okay, so you don't smoke, you don't drink, you take care of your body. I was doing all of those wonderful things and she came out anyway. And I had to let go of the guilt that I failed in some way, and I had to accept that this was her choice and she made it. And my job as her mother is to support her choices. What rule is it that you start supporting choices at five, or 10, or 21? I'm going to support her choice at 23 weeks and that was it.
And I just took all of the stress off of my shoulders and we had many bad things happen along the way. She lost her intestines, she needed emergency surgery, we had a helicopter, she almost died. But that was it. I breathed faith into her and into the people that knew more than I did, and I tried to make their lives easier in any way that I could so they could take care of her better. My first stop every morning was the nurses' station and the doctors, not to beleaguer them with questions but to ask if they needed anything, a cup of coffee, water, juice, a donut, some salad.
Sheila Bella:
Oh my goodness.
Carla Ricciardone:
And then I went around and I saw all the other babies in the NICU and I would read them all stories, and then I would go and see Marlo because I knew that that's what she would have wanted.
Sheila Bella:
Amazing. Okay. You've talked to me before and you credit a lot of your peace to doing yoga, right?
Carla Ricciardone:
Absolutely.
Sheila Bella:
Okay, so for those of us, like myself, who don't get that, every time I take a yoga class I'm like, "Why am I not at peace? I don't understand. Where's the peace? It's not coming. It's not coming. I'm just sweating."
Carla Ricciardone:
So what you're taking is not a yoga class, you're taking an Asana class.
Sheila Bella:
Okay.
Carla Ricciardone:
Asana is a small piece of the yoga practice. It's like eating a well-balanced meal, but only eating the potatoes on your plate. You're missing the balanced meal. So the peace comes from the practice of yoga itself. The word 'yoga' means 'to join'. It's a union between you and everything else around you, and it's taking out that separation. You hear the expression, "Where I end and you begin."? What if it doesn't exist? What if there is no you and there is no me? It's taking out that veil between everything. So the practice of yoga requires the study of the scripture, the practice of the philosophy, some even say diet. There's a whole entire piece of that that gets you to that peace. The Asana is just there to wear out, I guess, for lack of a better word, the physical body and to prepare the physical body for all of the other pieces, so you can pay attention to your breath because your mind isn't banging around so hard, so you can sit in that meditative state without your body wearing out, you've got that strength. So yoga became really mainstream super fast, and the only thing anybody knows is how to hold a plank. That's just a piece of it and it's not even the true piece of it. The original scriptures only have eight postures and they're all seated. There's no plank, or crow, or handstands, or-
Sheila Bella:
Downward dog?
Carla Ricciardone:
Downward dog. [inaudible 00:19:09]. It doesn't exist. You're taking this class where you just sweat and everybody runs out before the Shavasana or they can't sit still. The Shavasana is the reason you're in an Asana class, is to get there. It's the practice of depth, it's the practice of closing the gates. It's the process of preparing your body to be one with everything else around it. And getting there, it's tricky, but it's all about letting go.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. I see that. You're genuinely not in control, and you, I see, you're genuinely okay with it.
Carla Ricciardone:
Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
For the things that we humans don't have control over. That's why when I'm around you, I receive that energy from you and I'm like, "Oh, it's okay. I'm at peace." But for a Type-A like me, I want control of everything.
Carla Ricciardone:
Listen, I am Type-A and OCD. I count my steps from here to the door. I'll tap the doorknob three times. I still touch the airplane when I get on it, but I try and practice something called Santosha all the time.
Sheila Bella:
What's that?
Carla Ricciardone:
It means 'to be content'. And the English word for contentment is to be complacent. You've already got a negative connotation. When somebody says they're content with something, you're just like, "Oh, they're just accepting it." The word Santosha means to be content in the manner, if you're angry, be all the way angry, be unapologetically so right then and there. Don't save any of that shit for later. Can I say shit?
Sheila Bella:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Carla Ricciardone:
Don't save any of that for later. Don't blow up at somebody a week from now. Tell them right then and there and be all the way mad about it. Go for it. Be really happy. Be all the way happy, don't hold it back, don't reserve it. If you're in love with someone or something, be that way, don't hesitate, don't be afraid of it. Don't be afraid of what might happen later, you'll deal with that part of it later, but if you are content in every moment as the moment itself, you're constantly at peace because you're not worried about it anymore. And I'm not like, "Oh my God, what am I doing for dinner? What's going on with [inaudible 00:21:34]? After I get off the chat with you, I've got to answer those four emails." It doesn't mean that that stuff doesn't exist. The mind doesn't go blank and quiet. But right now, here in this moment, I'm content with you, I'm happy. I'm happy to be here, I'm happy to talk about this, I'm happy to share it, and I'm going to be right there, 100%.
Sheila Bella:
I love that. So there's that saying, "Life is not only about feeling good, it's about feeling it all." And al to of people tell me, "Oh, you have so much energy. You have so much energy." And I guess I do, but where does that come from? And as I hear you talking, I can relate to that, that all I'm doing is just allowing myself to be exactly as I am because it's actually easier.
Carla Ricciardone:
Right. To be authentic is it. That's the answer. There's no massive secret. If you're authentic to who you are and to your moment, what's left to tire you out?
Sheila Bella:
What's left to tire you out? Yeah.
Carla Ricciardone:
There's no diatribe, there's not story you're trying to keep up with, there's no façade you're trying to wear. It's it. You're authentically you. It's not exhausting to be you, it's exhausting to be me in a pair of high heels walking around because it's not me, I'd rather be barefoot.
Sheila Bella:
You look great. You look freaking incredible.
Carla Ricciardone:
And I love it! But I would so much rather just kick my shoes off and sit on my couch and just chill, but we have to do what we have to do. But how authentic can you get even in the moments where you're not doing the thing that you feel the most comfortable doing all the time? It's okay to feel a little bit like a fish out of water, but you have to accept that feeling. That's what gives you the peace. I feel a little like a fish out of water. I'm going to accept that.
Sheila Bella:
And accept it. Work with it. Don't try to fight it, dance with it.
Carla Ricciardone:
Exactly.
Sheila Bella:
Like we are all doing an awkward dance right now, and that's okay.
Carla Ricciardone:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Sheila Bella:
We're doing an awkward dance.
Carla Ricciardone:
I'm going to put on fake lashes and lipstick and I'm going to own it. I'm going to walk in the room and own it. I'm going to sit on a yoga mat in the middle of an Ashram with the mosquitoes flying around my head, it smells like cow dung, and I'm going to own it.
Sheila Bella:
Wait. Yeah, you spent six months at an Ashram, right?
Carla Ricciardone:
Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
Okay. Tell us about that. And for those people who don't know what an Ashram is, can you explain that for them?
Carla Ricciardone:
An Ashram is a sanctuary, for lack of a better word. A lot of people think Buddhist temples and monks. It's a quiet space. It's a blessed space for the introspective view of one's self, for lack of a better word. I kind of stumbled into it. I had a high-powered job and career and didn't know what yoga was and I went into it for all the wrong reasons and came out with all of the right gifts.
Sheila Bella:
What reasons did you go into that job?
Carla Ricciardone:
Not the job, the yoga is kind of what I fell into.
Sheila Bella:
Okay.
Carla Ricciardone:
I went into yoga because my mother dragged me, kicking and screaming. And when I couldn't do it in the class full of 60-year-old ladies whose rocking this stuff, I went home and googled it. I was like, "Wait a minute. Why can't I do this? This is ridiculous." How old was I? 26, 27 maybe? And I'm falling over, knocking people down, I can't hold my own body weight up. My mom's standing on one hand. I'm like, "What the?" I got jealous. I literally went into it because I was jealous of my mom, and I found a yoga teacher training that was happening that Saturday and I was like, "Cool, I'm going to learn it. I'm going to learn it all the way." And I signed up for this thing having no idea what I fell into. And there were people from all over the world. There might have been 100 students and everyone's standing up telling their story, how long they've been practicing, and I'm like, "My first class was on Wednesday. I'm going to go sit down now. I'm totally here for all the wrong reasons. This is great."
And I loved it. I just fell in love with it and I got asked by the teachers at that point if I wanted to spend time really learning the art and I was invited to the Ashram and I did my six month apprenticeship. Yeah, that's what I did. I went off into the woods and came back a different person.
Sheila Bella:
Wow.
Carla Ricciardone:
Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
So it was a transformative six months.
Carla Ricciardone:
Oh, without a doubt. Like I said, it happened for all the wrong reasons, which are probably the right reasons, but I came out with all these amazing gifts and a totally different outlook, a perspective on how to behave. Instead of being reactive all the time, I'm just active and participating in my own life instead of constantly chasing my life. I was present in my life. And I planned on just appreciating that. I wasn't even planning on teaching, and then I started with a few private lessons, and I got begged to teach a class, and I did, and it just kind of grew. The next thing I knew, I was teaching six, seven classes a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year.
Sheila Bella:
Amazing.
Carla Ricciardone:
The community that I got out of that. The friendships, my husband, everybody. My life basically found me because I was authentic to myself.
Sheila Bella:
Amazing. Amazing.
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So you live a very blessed life and it's apparent. And I heard a quote from Oprah this morning, on my way here, and I was like, "Carla." Oprah said, "You get in life what you have the courage to ask for."
Carla Ricciardone:
Absolutely.
Sheila Bella:
And that's you.
Carla Ricciardone:
Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
That's you. You ask for crazy shit all day long, and you get it!
Carla Ricciardone:
Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
You get it. It's amazing what the universe will give you if you just dare to ask.
Carla Ricciardone:
Yeah. And if you're asking from a genuine place. I don't think it's so much what I ask, it's how I ask. I ask from my heart, I ask from the trueness of myself, and I ask not just for myself, I ask for the betterment of those around me, no matter what it is. I never have any trouble, ever. Like you said, some of the things I have in my life and I do in my life, they're avant garde. They're not crazy, they're a little different.
Sheila Bella:
Avant garde. Yeah. Sure. Avant garde. Crazy in a good way.
Carla Ricciardone:
Yeah. It's easy. If it's true. I'm not asking for somebody to drop me off, I don't know, the new Gucci collection.
Sheila Bella:
Although that'd be nice.
Carla Ricciardone:
But I will ask for the brain power, the energy, and the support I need to earn that, if that's what I want to go buy with it.
Sheila Bella:
To earn it. To earn it. Yeah. You don't just ask without being willing to give. I love that.
Carla Ricciardone:
Yeah. I want to earn it, and I want my tools. My hands to be healthy, my mind to be healthy, and my heart to be healthy. I always find that life is in balance. So if I ask for something like that, how can I help someone else achieve their goals, their dreams, their wishes, and give as much there as I gave to the effort for getting for myself?
Sheila Bella:
Love it. Okay. I want to circle back to one of the most amazing things I feel like you ask the universe, God, for, which is when Marlo was born, Marlo was born and you were not producing enough breast milk and you had to then buy breast milk from other sources and your insurance would not pay for it. Can you tell us that story?
Carla Ricciardone:
Absolutely.
Sheila Bella:
Please!
Carla Ricciardone:
So Marlo was born, as you guys all know, at 23 weeks. She also had something called necrotizing enterocolitis, say that three times fast. NEC. It's basically, they don't know what causes it, but it causes the intestines to die. It's kind of like a massive infection. They took out two and a half centimeters of her bowel and gave her an ostomy bag. Because of that, she couldn't have anything other than breast milk. So I was hooked up to a breast pump at 23 weeks, which is crazy when you think about it, that you can produce milk that early in your pregnancy, but I produced an insane amount. I filled up my freezer, my neighbor's freezer, chest in the basement, I donated it back to the NICU for babies who didn't have, and one day, I just stopped making breast milk. The hose turned off. And I went to see a lactation consultant, I got on some medicine to help me produce, which made me gain something like 70 pounds. It was crazy. I blew up like a ballon. I went from a size four to a size 12. It was crazy. And the medicine just made me feel weird. I got some more, but not enough.
So I started looking into alternative sources because I knew that the clock was ticking, and one day, it just stopped, and the only viable sources that I could find were donor breast milk or, actually, one of my best girlfriends at the time, she offered to literally nurse my daughter because she was nursing her own. And she had suggested that I reach out to the family group at one of our local ... It's an amazing little boutique called Waddle and Swaddle. They have a mommy group and they're incredible, supportive women, and they have a nursing group.
Sheila Bella:
A Facebook group, right? Waddle and Swaddle.
Carla Ricciardone:
Secret Mommy Society is the Facebook group, I believe, and they also meet on Mondays and it's like a nursing circle and they talk and they talk about what's going on and who's got what, and how can we help? It was really great.
So I reach out to this supportive group of women and the next thing I know, they are coming up my driveway with breast milk. They're finding my parents. My mother at school, my father at his office. My dad calls me up, he said, "I've got a woman here with a cooler with breast milk in it." I wasn't nursed, my sister wasn't. He doesn't even know what breast milk is, he's just totally freaked out. And I'm like, "Oh my God, that's amazing!" I called the insurance company because one of the ladies said, "Oh, listen. You can get donor milk. There's a milk bank." Like, an actual thing, in New York, it's called the New York Milk Bank. And I called them up, they were like, "Absolutely. We have milk. She fits all our criteria. You have a prescription." I called the neonatologist, he wrote me a script, I called the surgeon, he wrote me a script. And they were like, "Okay, it's about 30 bucks a bottle." I'm saying to myself, "30 bucks a bottle. They're two ounce bottles. That's like, $30,000 a week."
Sheila Bella:
Oh my God.
Carla Ricciardone:
Yeah. That's what I said. So I said to John, "Wait a minute, we need to call the insurance company." And he's like, "All right." And I call the insurance company, they're like, "Oh, we don't cover that." Just flat out no. There wasn't even, "Let me look." Flat out no. Okay. I got off the phone, I was like, "All right. Now what?" We could get a divorce, I could go on welfare and it could be covered by WIC. We could sell the house. That'll do it. Okay, I can't just keep accepting milk from strangers, as amazing as they are. They're feeding it to their own kids, I felt safe. It wasn't that, I just didn't want to ask constantly. How long was I going to do this? For two years? I had women breaking out breast pumps who were exclusively nursing body-to-body. I had a woman who lost one of her children. She gave birth to twins and was producing extra. But how long could I [inaudible 00:36:24] these women and dig up their pasts and ask them for help? And ironically, I'm friends with most of them still to this day.
Sheila Bella:
Wow.
Carla Ricciardone:
So I get back on the phone with the insurance company and I'm like, "This is BS. You cover specialized formula at $100 a bottle." I started doing some research.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Carla Ricciardone:
"How are you not covering this? What's the reason? It's pasteurized, it's safe, it's scripted, it's screened. This is a legitimate 501-3C. What's the problem?" "No." "Okay. Sweetheart, I know it's your job to tell me no. Are you actually even allowed to say yes?" "No." "Okay. So you're not the person I need to talk to. I need to talk to somebody who has the authority to actually say yes about this." So I got bounced around a lot and in a bouncing process I got asked to attend an event for the milk bank and I started talking to the news crews about the story and the next thing I knew, I was all over the news. And the insurance company one way or another called me up and said, "You can have whatever you want, just stop."
Sheila Bella:
Amazing.
Carla Ricciardone:
So squeaky wheels get grease. Educate yourself and never take no for an answer is kind of how I got it done. But I truly believe that Marlo told her own story, even though she wasn't able to speak, her pictures, the videos they took of her, her story. If she didn't get the breast milk, the formula would have been detrimental to her health, could have caused hospitalization, brain damage, and death. So I don't think the insurance company really wanted that on their hands and I think it took the global stage to wake people up. She's the only baby, as far as I know, that's had privatized insurance pay for donor breast milk. It was a single case agreement, but she does set precedent. So any mommies out there listening, if you need help, please don't hesitate to contact me, I'm happy to put you in contact with whatever I was able to do and just never take no for an answer.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. Especially for your kids.
Carla Ricciardone:
Absolutely not. Mama bears are dangerous things, man. Look at lions and their cubs. Corner a possum around their children. Bad idea. It's the same kind of philosophy. But I was always kind, I never lost my temper, I didn't yell at anybody, I didn't scream at anybody. I was always respectful and I didn't point fingers or blame, I just kept saying, "All right. So what do we do about it? How do we move it forward? How do I get the letter to Garcia?" That's one of my absolute favorite short stories, by the way. 'Take a Letter to Garcia', I believe it is.
Sheila Bella:
What's that short story?
Carla Ricciardone:
It's called 'Take a Letter to Garcia', I believe.
Sheila Bella:
Okay.
Carla Ricciardone:
It's amazing. It's about a little boy who gets a letter and is told to take it to Garcia. He has no idea who Garcia is, where Garcia is, what Garcia is, what the content of the letter is, or where he's going, but he gets the job done.
Sheila Bella:
I'm going to have to look that up.
Carla Ricciardone:
It's really, really good. I'll look it up for you and I'll send you the link.
Sheila Bella:
Okay. Yeah, send it to me.
Carla Ricciardone:
It's super awesome. But that's [inaudible 00:39:39].
Sheila Bella:
That's incredible. That's incredible. And you guys, she was showing me YouTube videos of news crews covering this crazy time in their lives and it was absolutely incredible. Wasn't there a lesbian biker group that came up your driveway to deliver milk?
Carla Ricciardone:
Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
That was cool.
Carla Ricciardone:
They're amazing. They deliver all over. Primarily in the city with traffic situations and stuff like that. These babies are born in the NICU and they need breast milk immediately when these micro preemies are born, and these women strap on this milk to their crazy hot pink bicycles. Yeah, but they would bring Marlo her milk. They're amazing.
Sheila Bella:
What is it about tragedy that brings out the best in people?
Carla Ricciardone:
It doesn't give people the opportunity to think about themselves.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. Oh my God. Oh my God.
Carla Ricciardone:
Yeah. It forces you to be authentically you as a human, right?
Sheila Bella:
And be other-centered.
Carla Ricciardone:
Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, it doesn't. It really grounds people in that way.
Carla Ricciardone:
Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
Do you have a quote for me? Do you have a favorite quote right now?
Carla Ricciardone:
I do.
Sheila Bella:
What is it?
Carla Ricciardone:
"Let no time go wasted." That's my favorite quote.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah?
Carla Ricciardone:
Yeah. I don't waste a moment, ever. Not a single one. And I don't mean I'm busy all the time. I sit on my butt and read a book, I sit in the quiet, I watch TV, I do all those things, but I'm choosing to do them, I'm not just wasting time.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. How did you get to this level of awareness and what do you think people can do to become more present the way you are and more intentional I think?
Carla Ricciardone:
I think people already know that answer for themselves. You possess the answer to every question you're ever going to ask.
Sheila Bella:
Tell me about it.
Carla Ricciardone:
You already possess it. It's already there, and I think people get really caught up in trying to be themselves instead of actually just being themselves.
Sheila Bella:
The trying to be. Oh my gosh. She just shortcutted us, you guys. She just skipped ahead.
Carla Ricciardone:
I didn't become this enlightened thing. I already was, I was just too busy trying to be my titles, if you want to go way back into our conversation.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Carla Ricciardone:
I got too busy trying to be the labels. Everything's a label. Even your name is a label, right?
Sheila Bella:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Carla Ricciardone:
You didn't come out of the womb with a sign. It was given, it was thrusted upon you. It's a label. You're already enlightened. You're already there. You have it. You possess it. You just have to strip away all the crap that's on the outside and just be the candy center.
Sheila Bella:
How are you going to teach Marlo this?
Carla Ricciardone:
Marlo already knows.
Sheila Bella:
She knows?
Carla Ricciardone:
She already knows.
Sheila Bella:
But with you, experiencing you the handful of times that I have, I'm already learning, so I can only imagine having you for a mother.
Carla Ricciardone:
I think that my job with Marlo is to, obviously, keep her away from electrical sockets and sharp objects, but other than that, just to let me be unapologetically herself.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Carla Ricciardone:
And not force titles on her. How many times did your ... I know mine did when I was growing up. "When you grow up, what do you want to be? When you grow up, are you going to be a doctor or a lawyer or a princess?" Right then and there, you're already forming titles and expectations.
Sheila Bella:
That you haven't even lived out. That you're not even really sure of.
Carla Ricciardone:
Right. I just say to her, "So, you are beautiful, and kind, and intelligent, and loving, and compassionate, and friendly, and brave." That's what I tell her. And I try and stick with those kinds of dialogues instead of things like, "Well, what do you want to be?" She is already who she is going to be. She's already being. It's present continuous. It doesn't stop. The verb 'to be' doesn't exist in its own form, right? We don't say, "I be." We say, "I am."
Sheila Bella:
I think that's what's most liberating about being around you, is because I feel from you a freedom to present myself as who I am today.
Carla Ricciardone:
Absolutely.
Sheila Bella:
I think what effs us up is expectation. And we do it with our partners too. I do it to Will. Like, "You are who we met as, sir. Don't you go changing on me." You know what I mean? So we have this expectation, and when we release that expectation upon people, we give them the freedom to come as they are, who they are today, because it's always evolving. I might not like the same thing for lunch that I had yesterday.
Carla Ricciardone:
Right. Absolutely.
Sheila Bella:
It might even be deeper than that. Maybe I have different perspectives or philosophies today because of my experience. I sure as hell am not who I was when I met my husband and I think that's why this particular marriage has worked out, because this husband has grew with me.
Carla Ricciardone:
Right. It's easy to give to others. It's easier to give to others what we have trouble giving to ourselves. I posted about it the other day. So you give Will that permission, and I've seen you guys interact, you have an incredible marriage. You guys are magnets the way you move around each other, but yet, it's still so encompassing. It's like watching a hug happen in real life all the time. It's amazing. It's incredible. But you have to give that same permission to yourself. So you give him permission to grow, and ebb, and flow, and be authentically himself, but you have to give yourself that same permission all the time. And it's like learning how to type with 10 fingers. The first time you ever did it, it was the most painful, slow, horrendous thing ever, and then all of a sudden, you're typing 90 words a minute, right? It's practice. The practice of that patience with yourself is so critical.
And I said it the other day in my post, I was like, It's really easy, like, "Sheila, you look so beautiful today. Unbelievable. The outfit is slamming, your hair's perfect, your skin is glowing." And cue funny face, because it's really hard for people to take the compliment, to receive it, because we're so critical of ourselves. It's like somebody giving you a gift, something innocuous, I don't know, a necklace, and you open it, and you look at it, and your face goes, and I'm making an ugly face for those of you who can't see me, because you don't actually really like it, but the person just picked up on it. So when you give someone permission, or a compliment, or share your love, or share your joy, are they taking it authentically and receiving it happily? It's really hard to do. It's so hard. I think that's one of the things I struggle with the most.
Sheila Bella:
Where it begins then, you're saying, is grace with yourself.
Carla Ricciardone:
Absolutely. Always grace with yourself.
Sheila Bella:
Before you can give it to others.
Carla Ricciardone:
How can you give it to others authentically. If you can't look in the mirror and say to yourself, "My God, I look beautiful today. My skin is glowing. I'm happy." When you go out into the street and someone calls you out on that, how are you going to accept it if you didn't accept it first for yourself?
Sheila Bella:
Oh my gosh, that's so true. That's so true. Right when you said that, I was like, "Hmm, yeah, I always have trouble accepting compliments." By the way, you guys, this isn't a product plug, but I rubbed UMA oil all over my body.
Carla Ricciardone:
I love that.
Sheila Bella:
That you told me about. I didn't look in the mirror and say, "Sheila, you're glowing. Your face is glowing." I was slathering that stuff on, I have the face oil now too, going, "Am I glowing yet? Am I glowing yet? It's not working."
Carla Ricciardone:
But you are, and you glow from the inside out, and the more we accept ourselves, the easier that truly becomes. And you're going to notice that people just, they want to be around you, and the complimenting doesn't always happen as much. I don't know. Something shifts. When you're really comfortable with yourself and you're being authentic and you're plugged into you, everything just moves better. It's not so jarring in any direction, so you don't get this onslaught of people telling you how great you are and you don't get this onslaught of people telling you all the things that are going wrong. You start to exist in the middle. You start to exist where everything just kind of comes together. You ever float in water that's the same temperature as your body and you just lose place of yourself? That's kind of how it starts to become. And that's really unsettling for a lot of people because they're used to the very high and the very low.
So to live somewhere in the middle, they think, "Okay, it's not working. I did something wrong." It's not this aggressive onslaught in either direction, and aggressively being onslaughted can be from a happy perspective just as much as it can be from something sad or something angry. Life exists in balance. You can't have one without the other. So if you've got somebody constantly telling you how freaking amazing you are all day long, you've probably got somebody telling you the exact opposite. So if you live in the middle, you just have more people in your community that you can just absolutely depend on.
Sheila Bella:
Love it. Okay, so I want to ask you a few more questions before we wrap up. Some [crosstalk 00:50:27] questions. What advice would you have for yourself if you could go back to the lowest point in your life? One of the lowest points in your life. What would you tell that girl?
Carla Ricciardone:
Chin up. It'll get better. And stop doing drugs.
Sheila Bella:
What is your number one secret for how to live a Pretty Rich life? Your number one secret for how to live a Pretty Rich life. Rich in all areas. Not just financial. Relational, spiritual.
Carla Ricciardone:
Wake up every single day with joy in your heart. Don't ever wake up on the bad side of the bed. Get back in, put the covers over you, do what you've got to do, but when both feet hit the ground, make sure you have a smile on your face and you are happy. Your life will be so rich.
Sheila Bella:
Choose joy. Choose joy.
Carla Ricciardone:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Sheila Bella:
Oh my gosh. I freaking love you.
Carla Ricciardone:
I love you, too.
Sheila Bella:
I love what you're about. I feel like I could talk to you forever. Doesn't this feel like a fireside chat, you guys, with wine? It feels like it. You always put me there.
Carla Ricciardone:
That is exactly where you should be all day.
Sheila Bella:
You put me there. I'm like, "Oh, I'm with Carla." We could be at a really crowded place, but then I'm like, "Oh. Actually, I'm by the fire with a glass of Merlot." It's amazing. And for our listeners who want to work with you and want to find you, how can we do that?
Carla Ricciardone:
You can find me on Instagram, Sculpted Brows and Beauty. That's an easy way to get ahold of me. My website's the same, SculptedBrows.com, or SculptedBrowsandBeauty.com, or you can give me a call. 845-372-6298, and I'll tell you everything you want to know.
Sheila Bella:
Damn. Damn. Look at that. Guys, by the way, Carla is also an incredible trainer for Hyaluron Pen. Oh my gosh, can we talk about that real quick?
Carla Ricciardone:
Sure.
Sheila Bella:
What Hyaluron is?
Carla Ricciardone:
Sure. Well, Hyaluron is a sugar compound your body makes naturally, but they've been able to molecularly reconstruct it into a filler, and they use a device now, or we use a device now that takes the needles out of filler injections, so you can have those plump lips and those gorgeous cheeks without needles.
Sheila Bella:
Amazing. I'm so excited to get trained for it and to get it. Yeah, so hit Carla up for that too. Thanks, babe. I love you.
Carla Ricciardone:
I love you, too. Go rock your day.
Sheila Bella:
Okay. Until next time.
Carla Ricciardone:
Love you. Bye.
Sheila Bella:
Love you, too.
Grey. Say, "Share with your friends."
Grey:
Share with friends.
Sheila Bella:
"Please review my mommy on iTunes."
Grey:
[inaudible 00:53:33] Mama iTunes.
Sheila Bella:
"Thanks for listening."
Grey:
Thanks for listening.
Sheila Bella:
Thank you so much for listening. It is an honor to be a part of your life. If you enjoyed this podcast or you were impacted by this at all, please take a minute to leave us a five star review on iTunes and share it with a friend. Screen shot it, post it on your stories, your feed, your timeline, and don't forget to tag me. I would really love to see that. My Instagram is @RealSheilaBella. Also, let's carry on the conversation longer. Join our private Facebook group just for Pretty Rich girls. Just go to Facebook.com/PrettyRichSquad, and check out SheilaBella.com for more information on how to get more support on your beauty entrepreneurship journey and get going on your Pretty Rich lifestyle. Until next time.
